Mistake

[cds2012]

Hello All,

I am currently single, I have been for 3 months now, me and my partner of a year and a half broke. I love him so much and I will always love him. Lately, we've been trying to work on us but it seems that we've had more and more problems arise since we've been separated. I try to tell him that I want to just work on us and not be so serious we are both young, he is 22 I am 20. But the serious tone of our "relationship" has been pushing me away. I don't get the attention and love I once felt from him, probably because of the terms that we broke up on and etc. I know I love him, but lately I've been seeking attention I lack from him, from elsewhere... maybe too much and I did something that was completely out of my character and I received much backlash from my friends and family.

Three weeks ago, I had sex with another man. It was emotional sex, it wasn't feeling to this sex. It was just sex. More like a one night stand. I don't know what to do about what I have done and I've been tearing myself up about my decision. I put myself in danger and did something that I should not have done. I know I'm not the worst person in the world, but I feel like I am. I'm not writing this to hear bad remarks. I love my ex so much. And I know people fail and fall short of what they are and I believe I have done this. Recently I have told him I just needed to be alone and away from the things that he does that bother me because I see how I am. I don't want to hurt him.  And I do plan to go get tested this week, I've had no problems, and I get tested often. I can't believe I've done this. I just needed to tell someone.

[teko]

I am not going to tell you how wrong you were and I am not going to tell you it was okay either. You know right from wrong already. You are both awfully young for a serious relationship and I think your actions proved that. I think you have to treat someone the way you want to be treated. So, how would you feel if he had been the one to have sex and you were the one trying to deal with those emotions of betrayal and broken trust. I can only advise you to look at relationships in that light in the future. Especially if you get back together with your bf. Altho I am doubting that will work long term. So get up and dust yourself off and don't repeat that mistake, not so much for your bf, but for you and how you will eventually see yourself when you look in a mirror. Good luck, it always helps to talk. I really ought to try that myself sometime.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well your very first sentence said that you are single and have been for three months.  Stop beating yourself up. You are young and even if you weren't, we all do things we regret.  You didn't cheat on him.  

Sex is one of those things that can feel so good---------  or so bad.  I think I'd chalk this up to a life lesson that you want to put yourself in circumstances that are going to result in good feelings.  

Make sure you are healthy and go on with your life.  Time will tell if you get back together with your ex-------  but as you are young and sound like you want to experience life . . . that is exactly what you should do.  You sound like a smart young lady!

[Amie635]

You are not a horrible person, at all. Your 20 years old, your in the prime of life and your human - we all make mistakes. It's very unfair in my opinion for you to receive backlash from friends and family because I'm sure when they were younger they were in a similar situation themselves.

So you two weren't together, and you slept with someone else? I can understand your regret and his upset but stuff like this... just happens. You did it for well meaning reasons - not just because you wanted to hurt your boyfriend, or you were feeling in the mood. You did it because you felt unloved and you craved attention which is a very basic human drive.

However I do think that if you are this emotionally unhappy with your partner, a break up is the best thing. And when I say break up, I don't mean a couple of weeks apart, I mean stopping all contact for good. You obviously love him, because look how bad you feel, but sometimes love isn't enough. Why should you, or he, settle for anything less than what makes you happy? You are both so young, and should be revealing in freedom and opportunities. You have taken a break, and given it another shot, but that hasn't worked out which is a big sign that maybe it will never work out.

Break ups are awful but they happen and they make us all learn and become wise from it. You never know, if you two were to stop contact you could both live a happy single life, maybe meet someone knew who made you feel amazing and maybe in a few years time, you'd see each other again and the original love you felt would burst back inside you. Be strong, and don't hold the weight of the world on your shoulders because your human.

[SeriousSam]

Honestly you are too young to be as serious as guys tend to get about relations,  But before you back if you are going to do this write down what you believe in and then on the other side of the page write or ask your ex preferably what he believes in.

Then do the same with goals, school, where you want to be when your 40.  

then when both of you are done look at both sides of the paper and compare your beliefs.  Love does not go hand in hand with logic.

[iam1butterfly]

It doesn't make you a bad or horrible person, it means that at a weak moment you were vulnerable and did something that was out of character... for you. So, have yourself tested... and, try not to beat yourself up over this "mistake." And, consider the experience as an example of "what not to do" when you're emotionally down and crave attention.
... take care!