Aa
My boyfriend isn't sexual attracted to me
Hey,
I'm a young women who decided to give the dating live a chance. 8 months ago I met this amazing guy at a big festival. It was love at first side, I was really into him and he was really into me. We started to chat a little and after that we started flirting with each other. On New Years Eve we finally kissed each other and admitted our love for each other. This was my very first relationship and I was still a virgin and so was he. Looking at it I was pretty happy because I felt less embarrassed. My very first sex experience wasn't something to call amazing, we had some fun but that was it.
We are now 8 months together, and my boyfriend started to tell me he wasn't sexual attracted to me. He is to other girls but not to me. At first he said it only once and private (but we still tried to have sex), but now he is saying it on a regular basic and something even if there are people around (and every time we try to have sex, he stops in the middle of foreplay and goes on his phone). He always uses the same excuses: "Sweetie I just don't feel sexual attracted to you, but that isn't important. The fact that I love you is important." I tried several times to talk with him about it but it always ends up embarrassing me or getting me down. I feel like he pushes the blame on me, but every time I ask him what it is that I'm doing wrong, he just says it is his fault.
I really love my boyfriend but I'm kind of worried. It's like he isn't worried about it at all, and he doesn't feel the need to look for a solution. It's like he can just live with it and he hopes that I can do that too ( easier said than done ). Also the fact that he gets sexual attracted to other women but not to me, made me worried a lot. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not ugly either. I'm normal and that something good ( i guess ). But yeah, and every time I ask him what do you find more attractive in those girls. (maybe I could find the solution there). He gives me the same answer, every time, " You are way prettier and sexier than those girls. On the in- and outside.
I really don't know what to do, I feel like he is scared of hurting my feelings. But this is even worse. It's awful because you feel helpless, you don't know what to do to fix the problem, you don't know if you are the cause or if he has a problem, you want to have sex but once in bed he says the damn hurtful things over and over again (and he doesn't realise it). I really need advise !! I'm really hopeless right now, I don't want to break up because of this. But I can't go further than this :(
I'm a young women who decided to give the dating live a chance. 8 months ago I met this amazing guy at a big festival. It was love at first side, I was really into him and he was really into me. We started to chat a little and after that we started flirting with each other. On New Years Eve we finally kissed each other and admitted our love for each other. This was my very first relationship and I was still a virgin and so was he. Looking at it I was pretty happy because I felt less embarrassed. My very first sex experience wasn't something to call amazing, we had some fun but that was it.
We are now 8 months together, and my boyfriend started to tell me he wasn't sexual attracted to me. He is to other girls but not to me. At first he said it only once and private (but we still tried to have sex), but now he is saying it on a regular basic and something even if there are people around (and every time we try to have sex, he stops in the middle of foreplay and goes on his phone). He always uses the same excuses: "Sweetie I just don't feel sexual attracted to you, but that isn't important. The fact that I love you is important." I tried several times to talk with him about it but it always ends up embarrassing me or getting me down. I feel like he pushes the blame on me, but every time I ask him what it is that I'm doing wrong, he just says it is his fault.
I really love my boyfriend but I'm kind of worried. It's like he isn't worried about it at all, and he doesn't feel the need to look for a solution. It's like he can just live with it and he hopes that I can do that too ( easier said than done ). Also the fact that he gets sexual attracted to other women but not to me, made me worried a lot. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not ugly either. I'm normal and that something good ( i guess ). But yeah, and every time I ask him what do you find more attractive in those girls. (maybe I could find the solution there). He gives me the same answer, every time, " You are way prettier and sexier than those girls. On the in- and outside.
I really don't know what to do, I feel like he is scared of hurting my feelings. But this is even worse. It's awful because you feel helpless, you don't know what to do to fix the problem, you don't know if you are the cause or if he has a problem, you want to have sex but once in bed he says the damn hurtful things over and over again (and he doesn't realise it). I really need advise !! I'm really hopeless right now, I don't want to break up because of this. But I can't go further than this :(
I didn't mention the problem because it isn't the obvious answer to this problem. I read about it and it hits old people easier than it hits people that are 20 years old. Also the cause of getting this doesn't really respond with him. He does not have a drinking smoke or money problem. He doesn't have much stress or anything. He is still a student who goes out pretty often.
If it was really the case I would have thinked that he wouldn't tell me het gets sexual attracted to other girls. And that his penis would get up by seeing them.
I really wish that would have been the case but I'm not entirely sure
If it was really the case I would have thinked that he wouldn't tell me het gets sexual attracted to other girls. And that his penis would get up by seeing them.
I really wish that would have been the case but I'm not entirely sure
I tried to talk to him the other day face to face. It was a big succes and we talked a lot about it. But then the day after something strange happend.
I told him we had to go slow on this we can't cuddle like we use too after all this. We need some time to build it up again. He needs to get my trust and respect back. What sounds obvious to me.
But after our talk he became furious. He was mad because I didn't discuss this matter immediately with him. (What isn't true) I talked about my problem with my parents and a docter. He said that I made a mess that I didn't have to make. He thinks everyone is mad at him. He thinks it is impossible the get the respect of my parents back after what happend. And that he didn't had to go through all this if I just discuss this with him. I told him several times that I did but that he wouldn't go to the bottom because he didn't want to and that everything he said really brought my self confidence down. He still blames everything on me.
He thinks this is the worse thing I ever did and that I treated him like a slave.
I really don't understand again his logic. I never wantwd to hurt him but I couldn't get through him so I had to discuss this with my parents. And it's normal to still be respectful against my parent. I don't ask the impossible, but I ask something that he has to work for it. Again all the blame is been put on me :'( what do you think. Do you think this is a normal reaction ?
I told him we had to go slow on this we can't cuddle like we use too after all this. We need some time to build it up again. He needs to get my trust and respect back. What sounds obvious to me.
But after our talk he became furious. He was mad because I didn't discuss this matter immediately with him. (What isn't true) I talked about my problem with my parents and a docter. He said that I made a mess that I didn't have to make. He thinks everyone is mad at him. He thinks it is impossible the get the respect of my parents back after what happend. And that he didn't had to go through all this if I just discuss this with him. I told him several times that I did but that he wouldn't go to the bottom because he didn't want to and that everything he said really brought my self confidence down. He still blames everything on me.
He thinks this is the worse thing I ever did and that I treated him like a slave.
I really don't understand again his logic. I never wantwd to hurt him but I couldn't get through him so I had to discuss this with my parents. And it's normal to still be respectful against my parent. I don't ask the impossible, but I ask something that he has to work for it. Again all the blame is been put on me :'( what do you think. Do you think this is a normal reaction ?
A man's erection is a huge part of his "manliness". That's why he'd blame his loss of erection on her, because he feels like less of a man when he can't keep it up. It's also very embarrassing for him. It's not right, but it's not uncommon at all.
If you have that problem you wouldn't say you are not attracted to your girlfriend.
A person with a personality disorder would blame another person for their own problem. It does sound like he does have a problem with erectile dysfunction, but how cruel he is as a human being to blame you for that. You need a man that couldn't and wouldn't be so cruel. There are lots of good men out there, this one , regardless of why he can't get it up, is no friend of yours. Not because of you, but because of his personality disorder.
Hope this day finds you moving on with your life. I'm glad ot hear that you have friends on whom you can rely. It sounds a bit odd that your best girlfriend is talking to this guy behind your back, and seems so invested in being his friend. I would be leery of this.
A person with a personality disorder would blame another person for their own problem. It does sound like he does have a problem with erectile dysfunction, but how cruel he is as a human being to blame you for that. You need a man that couldn't and wouldn't be so cruel. There are lots of good men out there, this one , regardless of why he can't get it up, is no friend of yours. Not because of you, but because of his personality disorder.
Hope this day finds you moving on with your life. I'm glad ot hear that you have friends on whom you can rely. It sounds a bit odd that your best girlfriend is talking to this guy behind your back, and seems so invested in being his friend. I would be leery of this.
I'm really surprised you waited til now to mention he has an erectile disfunction and can't maintain an erection through foreplay.
It seems that's obviously the problem. He wants to be with you, but he doesn't want to make it obvious he can never maintain an erection.
I'm curious - why didn't you mention that earlier? That seems to be a very clear answer.
Best wishes.
It seems that's obviously the problem. He wants to be with you, but he doesn't want to make it obvious he can never maintain an erection.
I'm curious - why didn't you mention that earlier? That seems to be a very clear answer.
Best wishes.
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