Aa
My boyfriend isn't sexual attracted to me
Hey,
I'm a young women who decided to give the dating live a chance. 8 months ago I met this amazing guy at a big festival. It was love at first side, I was really into him and he was really into me. We started to chat a little and after that we started flirting with each other. On New Years Eve we finally kissed each other and admitted our love for each other. This was my very first relationship and I was still a virgin and so was he. Looking at it I was pretty happy because I felt less embarrassed. My very first sex experience wasn't something to call amazing, we had some fun but that was it.
We are now 8 months together, and my boyfriend started to tell me he wasn't sexual attracted to me. He is to other girls but not to me. At first he said it only once and private (but we still tried to have sex), but now he is saying it on a regular basic and something even if there are people around (and every time we try to have sex, he stops in the middle of foreplay and goes on his phone). He always uses the same excuses: "Sweetie I just don't feel sexual attracted to you, but that isn't important. The fact that I love you is important." I tried several times to talk with him about it but it always ends up embarrassing me or getting me down. I feel like he pushes the blame on me, but every time I ask him what it is that I'm doing wrong, he just says it is his fault.
I really love my boyfriend but I'm kind of worried. It's like he isn't worried about it at all, and he doesn't feel the need to look for a solution. It's like he can just live with it and he hopes that I can do that too ( easier said than done ). Also the fact that he gets sexual attracted to other women but not to me, made me worried a lot. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not ugly either. I'm normal and that something good ( i guess ). But yeah, and every time I ask him what do you find more attractive in those girls. (maybe I could find the solution there). He gives me the same answer, every time, " You are way prettier and sexier than those girls. On the in- and outside.
I really don't know what to do, I feel like he is scared of hurting my feelings. But this is even worse. It's awful because you feel helpless, you don't know what to do to fix the problem, you don't know if you are the cause or if he has a problem, you want to have sex but once in bed he says the damn hurtful things over and over again (and he doesn't realise it). I really need advise !! I'm really hopeless right now, I don't want to break up because of this. But I can't go further than this :(
I'm a young women who decided to give the dating live a chance. 8 months ago I met this amazing guy at a big festival. It was love at first side, I was really into him and he was really into me. We started to chat a little and after that we started flirting with each other. On New Years Eve we finally kissed each other and admitted our love for each other. This was my very first relationship and I was still a virgin and so was he. Looking at it I was pretty happy because I felt less embarrassed. My very first sex experience wasn't something to call amazing, we had some fun but that was it.
We are now 8 months together, and my boyfriend started to tell me he wasn't sexual attracted to me. He is to other girls but not to me. At first he said it only once and private (but we still tried to have sex), but now he is saying it on a regular basic and something even if there are people around (and every time we try to have sex, he stops in the middle of foreplay and goes on his phone). He always uses the same excuses: "Sweetie I just don't feel sexual attracted to you, but that isn't important. The fact that I love you is important." I tried several times to talk with him about it but it always ends up embarrassing me or getting me down. I feel like he pushes the blame on me, but every time I ask him what it is that I'm doing wrong, he just says it is his fault.
I really love my boyfriend but I'm kind of worried. It's like he isn't worried about it at all, and he doesn't feel the need to look for a solution. It's like he can just live with it and he hopes that I can do that too ( easier said than done ). Also the fact that he gets sexual attracted to other women but not to me, made me worried a lot. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not ugly either. I'm normal and that something good ( i guess ). But yeah, and every time I ask him what do you find more attractive in those girls. (maybe I could find the solution there). He gives me the same answer, every time, " You are way prettier and sexier than those girls. On the in- and outside.
I really don't know what to do, I feel like he is scared of hurting my feelings. But this is even worse. It's awful because you feel helpless, you don't know what to do to fix the problem, you don't know if you are the cause or if he has a problem, you want to have sex but once in bed he says the damn hurtful things over and over again (and he doesn't realise it). I really need advise !! I'm really hopeless right now, I don't want to break up because of this. But I can't go further than this :(
No never :(
I already read something about it. I also thought it would be that. Problem is he doesn't smoke or money worries.( he still lives with his dad ).
The foreplay goes pretty quickly, I already told him I wish it would go on longer but for some reason he wants to go quickly and whenever he wants to penetrate he stops and says won't work he isn't up.
I do want to believe that that is indeed the problem, but I still am very shocked about the fact that he tells me that he is not attracted to me sexually. If you have that problem you wouldn't say you are not attracted to your girlfriend. Don't you think
I already read something about it. I also thought it would be that. Problem is he doesn't smoke or money worries.( he still lives with his dad ).
The foreplay goes pretty quickly, I already told him I wish it would go on longer but for some reason he wants to go quickly and whenever he wants to penetrate he stops and says won't work he isn't up.
I do want to believe that that is indeed the problem, but I still am very shocked about the fact that he tells me that he is not attracted to me sexually. If you have that problem you wouldn't say you are not attracted to your girlfriend. Don't you think
well goldenlove has raised a good point..maybe it is exactly that...does he ever smoke?...as that can cause ED ,,,erectile dysfunction...and alcohol can be a major loss of being all stations ready..and standing to attention....if he has money worries or any worries, it can affect him quite adversely.
.during the times that things were going well did you try to cover a reasonable amount of foreplay?...
It is possibly a true observation that some men can talk a good job, but they are actually compensating for inadequacies in other areas.
.during the times that things were going well did you try to cover a reasonable amount of foreplay?...
It is possibly a true observation that some men can talk a good job, but they are actually compensating for inadequacies in other areas.
It sounds to me like he may be suffering from erectile dysfunction. He is all about being sexual until it comes to the deed, then while you two are building up to the act, he withdraws. Maybe he's unable to get it up or keep it up? That doesn't mean he's attracted to other men or even other women. Is he ever able to complete the act?
I have found that when a relationship is 'broken' in some way no amound of mending will fix it. I think I understand that being your first relationship you are afraid of feeling that you have been a failure..well the fact is it is not you that is problem, so you can hold your head up high. I would however learn from this and also learn that unfortunately men do have big ego's which you can work around..and without seeming to be being deceitful or misguided it can be worth investing a little bit more effeort to reduce the amound of emotional fall out that happens when anything ends that with don't want to end. Don't keep this going for the wrong reasons..keep the upper hand..and suggest a break..even though he doesn't want to. then you can have enough space to know how you really feel. The hurtful things he has said...
I would not hate him..but he is not a mature male, and in fact is being quite disrespectful to you. You are far too good for him in fact...But don't tell him all these facts...instead follow your girl friends advice but suggest a break..of more than one week..make him think..but do not be unkind to him...you can even remain friends if that works for a while...but I would stick to your word and do that for at least a month. I think you would be better to release yourself slowly from this relationship...It is not you...I as a male can clearly see that you will only make yourself more upset if you try to get back to those first few months of the relationship. Learn and as considerately as possible extract yourself from any relationship obligations.
I wish you the very best of luck...and look forward to hearing back from you.
He seems very persuasive....make it clear that the break is conditional that if he breaks it then there is no chance of continuing. Be firm but be fair. You will come out the other side feeling better.
I would not hate him..but he is not a mature male, and in fact is being quite disrespectful to you. You are far too good for him in fact...But don't tell him all these facts...instead follow your girl friends advice but suggest a break..of more than one week..make him think..but do not be unkind to him...you can even remain friends if that works for a while...but I would stick to your word and do that for at least a month. I think you would be better to release yourself slowly from this relationship...It is not you...I as a male can clearly see that you will only make yourself more upset if you try to get back to those first few months of the relationship. Learn and as considerately as possible extract yourself from any relationship obligations.
I wish you the very best of luck...and look forward to hearing back from you.
He seems very persuasive....make it clear that the break is conditional that if he breaks it then there is no chance of continuing. Be firm but be fair. You will come out the other side feeling better.
No not yet. The idea already crossed my mind several times, but for some reason I'm scared he would get offended and even get embarrassed by his own girlfriend. He has A LOT of self confidence, he won't accept ,something that would bring that down, so easily.
My friends think it is a very silly idea, because we are still very young and it's only been my very first boyfriend. They say that he won't be the one for me so that I shouldn't spend money on the broken parts of our relationship.
My "male" best friend thinks I should quit immediately, that he is not worthy of my patience and my kindness because of all the shame he has done to me.
My "female" best friend thinks otherwise. She want's to give him his last chance. She proposed that I have a good and long talk with him, and that I have to be very direct and frank with him. I should tell him how I feel after he says or do those hurtful things. And tell him that if nothing chances that I would have to be forst to break up with him.
She thinks that he would maybe have a WAKE UP call, if not than the love I feel for him is clearly not the same as his and we should go our seperate ways.
My friends think it is a very silly idea, because we are still very young and it's only been my very first boyfriend. They say that he won't be the one for me so that I shouldn't spend money on the broken parts of our relationship.
My "male" best friend thinks I should quit immediately, that he is not worthy of my patience and my kindness because of all the shame he has done to me.
My "female" best friend thinks otherwise. She want's to give him his last chance. She proposed that I have a good and long talk with him, and that I have to be very direct and frank with him. I should tell him how I feel after he says or do those hurtful things. And tell him that if nothing chances that I would have to be forst to break up with him.
She thinks that he would maybe have a WAKE UP call, if not than the love I feel for him is clearly not the same as his and we should go our seperate ways.
I have read your post and understand that if you love your partner and they seem to love you back, but as a sister or brother would then yes..there does not seem to be a future there, no matter how much that fact hurts you deep down inside, it is better to do as you have done and ask for a break.
You and your future is what is the issue, and see how you feel after a month or two. It takes 66 days to form a habit, as so if you were just going through the motions with him for the sake of keeping the relationship alive, these will be less after that time. Also being close to someone you love, will usually only make you want to be with them more, and so a break will help to see the future more clearly.
At the end of this period you will be in a better place to make a decision..and even though it will probably still hurt for some time...eventually you will get over it all and feel a sense of relief..You are doing the right thing, but I would suggest having a longer break.
I hope it goes as smoothly as possible but don't be afraid to tell him that you would prefer to stay apart after this 1 or 2 month period even if he still wants to stay with you, if that is still how you feel.
You and your future is what is the issue, and see how you feel after a month or two. It takes 66 days to form a habit, as so if you were just going through the motions with him for the sake of keeping the relationship alive, these will be less after that time. Also being close to someone you love, will usually only make you want to be with them more, and so a break will help to see the future more clearly.
At the end of this period you will be in a better place to make a decision..and even though it will probably still hurt for some time...eventually you will get over it all and feel a sense of relief..You are doing the right thing, but I would suggest having a longer break.
I hope it goes as smoothly as possible but don't be afraid to tell him that you would prefer to stay apart after this 1 or 2 month period even if he still wants to stay with you, if that is still how you feel.
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