Toying with Emotions

[Adventuress]

Hi.
So it had been about 3 weeks since been in contact with a guy who has been neglectful of and abusive to a child.  Then out of the blue he text me and asked me to tell my neighbor about the death of someone and upcoming memorial service.  
Mind you my neighbor's tele number is listed in the phone book and recently the local well-read newspaper had a write-up about the man's passing including my neighbor's full name as the two had been in business together in the past.  
So this guy text me and I said my neighbor was already aware and not to text or call me and said thank you.  He then writes back thank you.  I text him "don't play games."  We went back and forth, him defending himself for texting and said didn't have tele number to call and kept thanking me for telling my neighbbor this info, which I said there was no need to as he already knew and I told him that was an a-hole and a user and abuser and that I won't play his stupid games anymore (that's the way he operates) and reminded him about all the lies he's told and who does he think he's fooling.  
Basically at the end of each of his texts he says "enjoy" and "have a good night" and "thank you" and that he knows he's bad and "that's okay" and basically agreeing with me on the negative stuff I was dishing out.  Then  I asked him why he used happy words like "enjoy" and he said that "arguing doesn't solve anything."  
I kept asking him NOT to text back but he did with stupid stuff and I kept taking the bait, foolish me.  At the end of the chain of messages I said was taking this to someone who would keep him away from me.  
Well, he wrote back that he hasn't been around me and no need for me to do that anyways.  Said my mind was made up that he was an ***.  
He didn't write back "enjoy" or "thank you" or anything after that.  Stopped him in his tracks. When it was at my expense he thought it was funny.  At his not funny, of course.  
So realizing you all don't have every detail of the texts back and forth, having given a summation though, do you think he was just trying to get my goat and see if I'd react or do you think I was just stupid to continue the dialogue and he played along with it not meaning to be abusive?
Seemed he enjoyed toying with my emotions.  
As of three weeks ago the guy has been under investigation by two agencies and now a third one is involved, and he may be charged with a crime or two.  Not a pretty picture.  

[specialmom]

:>)  Wishing you much peace and luck dear.  

[Adventuress]

Thanks, Specialmom.
And best to you.

[specialmom]

Your first sentence really told me all I needed to know.  Abusive and neglectful means you should cease contact.  Your gut is right.  

You're so right, we learn as we go and are all a work in progress.  I commend you for being introspective and working on this.  Good for you.  Best of luck to you  

[Adventuress]

Appreciate your comments.

Saw written:  “To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.”

This guy betrayed me in the past and in has betrayed this boy who is only 13.going on 14.  Only knew him a short time but his lies and conduct led to me separating myself from him but I continued to have the teen's interest at heart.  Then the child confided in me about the abuse.  I saw the neglect previously, which had been going on for years.

So I must say that it is a process to go through something as I have with the two of them.  I agree that silence is the best approach.  The reason I replied to him in the first place was to inform him not to call or text.  Maybe subconsciously I wanted to communicate with him more as anger is still there for me and trying to work through it.  The system has been amazing (in a not so good way) to work through.   I feel helpless in my desire to help this boy.  This guy puts on an act that he's such a "good" person but people seldom pull back the layers to find the "real" person beyond the facade of everyday living.  This child has been at risk.  I am the first one to stand up to this bully as his mom is out of state and has a different life apart from her son since she lost him at age 3 to the grandparents having guardianship and then the grandmother died 5 years ago and this guy is just skating by with no oversight.  I was blown away since I was an active single parent doing the most I could to bring up my sons since they were 3 and 5 and now are 23 and 25 and thriving.  So I did my job.  This person has been taking a back-seat role.  

Getting ack on point, I do agree with what you said but there's a whole background here you are not privy to and emotions run deep and it is not as simplistic as one might think.  Giving comment and advice is easy from the armchair but living life is a lot tougher.  Wouldn't you agree?

I posted my thoughts on this since my gut tells me I did the wrong thing to respond but at the time it was a reactionary situation and he, yes, got what he wanted:  A RESPONSE.  Pos or Neg he got one.  

But as Blu said, he is somewhat of a monster and it's best to be me and not let his bad behavior influence my good judgment.  

We learn as we go.

Thanks, Xcalibure for weighing in.  Gave me more to think through and it helped me..  :)

[Xcalibure]

The guy sounds like he got what he wanted, your response.  Not only that, he goaded you into continuing to communicate with him which again sounds exactly like what he wanted.  Some part of me has to wonder if you weren't enjoying some aspect of it honestly.  If someone texted or called I had no desire to speak with or even detested, I would not respond at all, period.  Once you respond then that person is given the liberty to continue, even if your response is "Stop" or "Don't text me again", nothing you say is more powerful then silence.  

[Adventuress]

"Let him be whatever kind of monster he is all by himself."

Got a good chuckle out of that statement, Blu!  

Feels good to laugh about who he is. Been an unpleasant situation for me.

You are a wise one.  

Needed to hear what you and Chima7 have shared. So thanks. :)

[BluCrystal]

I think he was trying to get your goat, seeing if you'd react, AND YOU DID REACT.  It does not matter one whit to these sorts of people whether the reaction is positive or negative.  I recommend requesting a restraining order against him, just to cover your bases, and BLOCK HIS NUMBER from your phone!  You be YOU.  Let him be whatever kind of monster he is all by himself. - Blu

[Adventuress]

Toxic presence is correct.

Thank you for being the right kind of tough on me.

At the time I was reacting.  Didn't write back for like 10 hours and thought if I said not to call or text that it would stop there.  But the ball started rolling and ended with me bringing up the fact that I'd take it to someone.  Since he is under investigation and I am a witness to certain facts then I felt I could go to the authorities and possibly get a restraining order.  He left a VM message on Sept. 4th and I never responded or contacted him until out of the blue 19 days later he text me.

I met him from an online dating site (mistake) and only briefly went out with him.  He has guardianship of his non-biological grandson and the boy has been neglected big time and physically abused, which I learned of and got the the school involved and now it's in the hands of the DA.  This guy doesn't know yet the DA has a file on their desk to investigate matters further.  Child Protective Services is involved but I am in the dark as to their process since it's all confidential.  

I have two sons and took an immediate interest and took the boy under my wing.  He eventually opened up to me about what goes on behind closed doors and a recent phsysical altercation happened over a school incident.  I have only had brief texts with the child and was hoping to have a conversation yesterday with him but he never called.  It's all touch and go right now. Waiting to see if action is taken by law enforcement.  The guy is known locally and works with CHP and the sheriffs.  I personally know he's been doing illegal behavior and those entities turn a blind eye.  I was assured over child abuse they would not, and so the DA is now part of the picture.  My thought is that currently the man I've been describing thinks he's off the hook and is feeling pretty cocky right now and still continuing to be a jerk.

[Chima7]

You didn't say who this guy is? Is he your ex bf or ex husband? Do you have some kind of restraining order against him or something?

Regardless, you should not have replied to his text at all. The first time he texted you before you guys got into your little text argument. It's called IGNORE. It sounds like there is some legal stuff going on or something but its not clear because your post doesn't make much sense but from what I can get, you're not supposed to be talking to each other so YOU stop talking to him. If he calls or texts or emails or sends a carrier pigeon then you ignore ignore ignore with zero response. Who cares what his motivation is why he is contacting you, YOU be the right one and shut it down. If he won't stop texting you then change your number. They will do it for free if it is because you're being harassed. Change it right now!

Stop playing this stupid game. It will get you nowhere and you don't need the upper hand. It sounds like he is already in trouble legally for stuff, so just let him dig his own grave and cut this toxic presence out of your life once and for all.