Relationship with my husband

[july811]

Hi,
I am 29year old woman, my husband is 34. We habe been married for 5 yrs. We have a 4 yr old son. We both have been in two different places for some time on and off due to his work reasons. Now we stay together. He is usually a short tempered person, however now a days i feel that he is getting very irritated with me. He snaps at me for no reason at all. He is very good to our son. He is a great father. I feel we would be more happy if we were living seperate. Its emotionally very challenging for me. I know he does not want to live seperately, he says he loves me. I dont know what to do, because when he gets so irritated with me. I feel very down emotionally, my confidence is down. Is my marriage breaking.

[crustideadhead]

It sounds to me that there might be more than meets the eye here. When couples split for whatever reasons, they, idividualy are forced to take on diffrent roles, and I have a few suspicions. basicly, he might be having a hard time with having to leave to begin with...he may feel guilty about something that happened while you were apart, follow your intuition on this. Next, he may have met someone while you were apart and feels guilty and thus having a hard time getting reintimate with you. Also, who had the child while you were away, if it was you, he might feel further detached and not needed anymore. There are alot of reasons this could be happining but my first advice is trying to do something that you both can relate to, not involving the child...this may help you figure out what is wrong. If this does not work, try not to throw any heat or suspicion his way. Time usually brings forth the truth because the human conscious is funny like that. If you still cant connect, it might be time to move on.

[thehitman357]

It is hard for people to adjust to each other.  I was in the military and would be gone for weeks at a time.  When I returned, my girlfriend at the time  and I would need to adjust. Maybe he is having trouble adjusting. However, he should treat you better.  I would ask him to sit down with you alone with out your child around. Ask him to help you find a solution to a problem you are having.  Guys love to find solutions.  Tell him that you have been feeling terrible.  He will ask why.  Tell him that someone you love with all your heart is making you feel sad and yelling at you, and you are asking his advice on how he would handle the situation. This may open up communication.   Good luck.

[specialmom]

Well, it would absolutely stink to be someone's punching bag.  Who would want to live like that?  You say that your husband wants to live as a couple with you, right?  Is he aware of the way he treats you?  Could expanding your communication about how he makes you feel, what is really going on with him (such as if work is coming home with him and he takes his stress out on who he loves), is he suffering due to past pain---------  someone else wronged him (parents, an ex) and now he takes that out on you, does he have a habit of a short fuse?  His awareness and desire to change could save the relationship.  

Would marriage counseling be something he would consider?  You don't have to say to save your marriage but just to make your marriage better----------- sometimes goes over better that way.  You two may have gotten out of sync with all of the time living apart and reconnecting may need to happen.  You also may need to both make some compromises.  Is he blowing up over nothing or do you do some annoying things that he can legitimately ask you to work on?  Just in a nicer way.  

So, no---------  at this point I think you still have a marriage to save.  But I think you need to be open about what the problems are, see where he is at with accepting his part of the blame and both of you working on it.  good luck and let us know how it goes.