Is my father is not my father. Help!

[Klaraj7]

My father always had his issues but the last couple of years he has spun out of control! He has bi-polar, severe depression, anxiety, narcissistic personality, and personality disorder. He also has severe sleep apnea. I am so confused. Could the sleep apnea cause this or is it one mental illness causing all this. I just don't know where to start! My dad had such a big heart and cared about everything for years. Lately has been distant,cold,selfish and a whole heap of problems. I love him so much but when I talk to him he lashes out. I also found out that he was abused as a young boy. He won't admit it. I am just so confused. Would love some advice.

[specialmom]

Oh gosh.  Very sorry.  This must be hard to watch.  Let me ask you this---  do you have to watch so closely?  Are you living there? Are you of an age where you have to or is there any way you can have your own place?  I say this because we can care, love, try to help without immersing yourself into this fully.  Because honey, you have a life that deserves to be free of other people's significant problems.  So, please consider that to 'save yourself'.  

But in terms of your dad, it can all compound each other.  The not sleeping actually could be wrapped up in the mental health problems, the mental health problems could be wrapped up in the not sleeping.  Bipolar is very hard to deal with and sadly, so many with bipolar deny themselves treatment. The ups and downs of BPD are such that at times they feel great and at other times they feel horrible.  And it results in a low rate of BPD's wanting to be consistent in their medical care.  That's so hard.

I would encourage him lovingly to see his doctors.  Tell him that you are concerned, worried, fearful for him.  

But in all reality, there is possibly nothing you could say or do that will MAKE him get help and that is why you have to distance yourself a bit from the situation.

I had a family member that I adore that was also in a spiral.  Very hard to watch.  But it was destroying my own life too as I was wrapped in it myself.  Under the guidance of a very good counselor, I was told that I had to see this loved one as a person I cared about and for but I had to live MY life outside of that so that I didn't feel like I too was going down the drain with them.  Does that make sense?  Big hugs, this is hard stuff when it is our parent!

[Nighthawk61]

THE most important hing you can do for yourself, is to use your potential to get ahead in life and be the best you can be, and live the best life you can. Are you happy with how you are living YOUR life? Are you in school ? Do you have dreams for your future? Where do you want to be in 2 years.? What will you have accomplished?

[Nighthawk61]

Sorry you're experiencing problems with your Dad. For whatever the reason, it appears you are being forced to live in a "Co-dependent Relationship" .So i think that's where you need to start to get answers for yourself as to how to cope and what you and your Mom should be doing. Continuing to enable co-dependent relationships will only result in more of the same, but worse, by doing so with no closure, you take the chance of becoming so used to it that you look for more of the same in your love relationships and end up marrying into the same type of relationship your Mother has.

LEARN ALL YOU CAN , TALK TO A SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR ABOUT HOW TO COPE. LEARN HOW NOT TO ATTRACT THE SAME TYPE OF PERSON IN YOUR OWN YOUNG ADULT FRIENDSHIPS OR RELATIONSHIPS.

Start here, Name the problem.

Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.[1] Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.

Now, Learn how to cope by reading. There is tons of info on the internet or in a library.