Should I Keep My Other Love or Walk Away?

[nimble_jac]

I am 46, and have been happily married for 25 years with 3 nearly grown kids; have been and still am, wildly in love with my husband.  A year ago, I met a man that I became friends with, then became attracted to.  I grew to love him dearly, and I am "in love" (romantically) with him.
My new man and I have a very deep and healthy, loving & sexual relationship, whereby communication is our first priority.  I cannot see myself without him.  My husband loves me dearly, we make each other very happy and we have an entire life together that I do not wish to change.  He does not know, nor suspect anything.  My other man and I are extremely discreet and sensitive to both our families/spouses.  My OM married young and does not not have a very happy nor fulfilling marriage (his is about 20 years).  He does not wish to leave his partner neither.  We have never been outside our marriages before, so this is no frivilous thing...nor is my question(s).
He and I are so alike, we have so much in common (that we do not have with our spouses) and have such simple, happy fun together.  
Can I honestly maintain this long term double life that we have committed ourselves to?  
Should I walk away from my wonderful OM because it's the "right thing to do", not because it's what makes us happy and complete?  

[AHP84]

BH, I think the other man is her age and not 20. She said he's been in his marriage for 20 years.
"My OM married young and does not not have a very happy nor fulfilling marriage (his is about 20 years)."

[Cootos]

You are a perfect example of a selfish BIOTCH wife that every man would ever dread to be with...Your poor husband....for his sake and your childrens I really hope you inform him of how much of a dirt-bag you really are. He deserves so much better and so does your secret lovers wife! Shame on both of you! I know this is a forum for help in situations but I cant help but say how discussed I am and how you and your secret lover dont deserve anyone else but yourselves...because guess what chicky when your husband finds out what your doing to him your gonna lose him, your children, your whole perfect married life...down the drain because of your selfishness. And the secret lover will just do the same thing to you as he is doing to his WIFE right now....but oh well you deserve the pain your putting everyone else through....

[slow_healer]

Your OM isn't completing you; he's providing an escape from the realities of life. That's why it feels happy and complete - because there's no real-life worries when you're with this guy. All the real-life worries are waiting for you at home, where your husband is.

All relationships (especially marriage) move in and out of love, in and out of attraction. A mature person recognizes boredom for what it is, even if it's in the form of an attractive man. That's the point when you should have made communication first priority with your husband - not this person. I'm sorry, but it's too late to seize back poor choices. This is just going to pass on the bad feelings you're escaping from to your kids.

Affairs are like time-bombs. Sooner or later either your husband or OM's wife will catch on. Then the affair won't be about the good vibes you two share; it'll be about your families and your spouses. How will they react? Will your husband want a divorce? How will this affect the kids? Will they blame you?

I think you owe honesty to your husband. Until he knows the truth, you're taking advantage of him (doesn't matter whether you love him, you're still choosing to lie and deceive him). If your husband is willing to say, "sure, I realize I'm not meeting all your needs, and if he makes you happy, and you still want to continue our marriage, then great!" then who here can complain about your choices? But until your husband is aware, it's just a lie.

[mami1323]

slow-healer, that was so well put and right on the money.  I want to know why all of a sudden after posting this do you realize you were making a mistake?  When you come home and see your husband there with the kids, don't your eyes well up with tears?  You don't deserve your husband's love.  

[AnxiousGurl]

mami's so right. You already know the deal, im not even going to waste my time. You got yourself into this mess, and it's up to you to do something about it, why would you risk something so good, for someone that's married, get out of your marriage if you continue with this other man. If you feel so guilty you would stop

[george73]

I hope your day is going o.k. It will be hard and I hope your husband will be understanding and help you through this. You need to share with him what has been missing in your life so he can help with that also. I'm here for you.