Oh my gosh, such betrayal. I'm sure this has rocked your world. He never met in person with anyone, it was all online, correct? Small comfort but if I had to rank the way I'd feel, I'd be more upset if it was in person. Is he now remorseful?
This is a crisis time going on outside of our homes and then to be IN your home with such feelings. I really feel for you. I'm here if you need to talk hon.
Hm. So the counselor said this was done for stress relief and that he is a sex addict. The stress level, with the kids you are raising and the financial issues, doesn't seem to be going to change. So what about the sex addiction? Does your husband plan to go into therapy to break this cycle?
Almost everyone who has ever had a sexual fantasy (and plenty of married people do) leaves it at that, a random fantasy. And, I'd agree that the odd fantasy means nothing. But I don't agree that what your husband did means nothing. He (apparently long ago) crossed the line into acting out, and though he found a way to not do it in person, he seems to have no natural barrier against doing it when most people do have a natural barrier against doing it. If he has no natural limit against such risky and harmful behavior, and apparently is unbothered by the potential consequences until they hit, it doesn't sound like he really will be able to change. The lack of a braking mechanism to the impulse sounds hard-wired into who he is. While there are sex-addiction clinics (Tiger Woods famously went to one), they are costly and there isn't one on every corner, and you've gotta want to stop. I think this is part of who he is and sorry though he might be right now, he probably wouldn't be able to stop.
Given that you two sound like you can hardly afford to split up due to not having money and the need to care for the children, then the question is how you can live with this situation as it is. It would take you changing your mindset and no longer expecting him to be in the role of faithful husband. You'd almost have to just think of him as a guy who lives in your house and helps take care of your mutual responsibilities. You would have to give up on your idea that you two have an exclusive and loving relationship in the ordinary way a wife expects of her husband. But if you did stop expecting that, he would no longer have the power to hurt you. (Whether in such a relationship you still would want to sleep with him, would be your decision.) I can't tell from your letter whether you have anywhere else to go, or whether you would kick him out, or what, and how you would support yourself and the kids if he were gone. But it really sounds like you staying sentimental about your love and happiness together, when he is a lying sex addict, is what will hurt you the most in the end. I'm really sorry.
I agree. That is why he is seeing a sex addiction counselor but you are right. Even though he says he would never do it again bc he sees now the pain it caused, I know it is an addiction and you can’t just stop, The only good I see from this situation is that he had renewed his relationship with God and above all I guess that is the most important.