Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches webcams?

[catorizor]

Hi, My bf lives out of state and I know he watches porn and webcams. I am not sure if he chats live with the girls on webcam, but if he did that would be too far. I don't think he does, I think he just likes to see webcams. I feel lonely a lot and want to ask him more about it, but I am afraid he'll get mad. He likes to have his private life and it is making it kind of hard for me. I want to know if any of you think webcams are worse than porn. I have come to accept the porn, but the webcams are causing my heart to race. I just want to accept it and be ok with it, but it is hard when I just think about it on my own. I would love some feed back on what you think is ok. I know it is not cheating, but it kinda feels like it is. I want to say to him, 'I want to strip for a camera, i'm hot and have a great body, and it's going to waste while you look at other girls strip. would you like it if i stripped for other men?' I don't know what to do, i feel shakey, jittery, i just don't want to mess up a good thing. we laugh, have great and fun conversations, he has had a tremendously positive impact on my life. I just want to accept him and love him for who he is, but i feel so lonely sometimes and just wish he wanted to see me naked more and other girls less. please tell me what he does is ok and why, or tell me why not, please just tell me something. thanks in advance for any feedback

[penswriter]

do not feel bad for asking him!!! don't let him make you feel bad. if his trust is shattered b/c you're curious and worried then he's still a loser. you should not feel bad for being wary of him looking at porn and webcams. i'm not a fan of porn. not in the least. if a guy does it and his g/f or wife is alright with it all the more power to them. BUT if it bothers YOU and he ignores it or makes YOU feel bad...that is not good. he should at least respect the fact that it bothers you. whether it's not live webcams or not.

[catorizor]

no biggie miami, i am very open. Sometimes i wonder, but i don't remember anything. i remember, i think in kindergarten, asking a girl who came to my house if she wanted to try sex, looking back on it, it's like how did i even know what sex was that young. from what i recall we rubbed our bodies together for a while till we heard someone coming or something, it's very vague. anything before that time is very hazy, that memory itself is very hazy. i don't remember much of my childhood, sometimes i wonder if i've blocked stuff out. i do know i don't remember anything tho. my earliest childhood memories are that kindergarten incident and another is one time in second grade i was up in my parents room fantasizing about 2 boys raping me. of course it wouldn't really be rape b/c they wanted me so bad and i would enjoy it, but what turned me on was how bad they wanted me. that's kind of always been a fantasy, and i've looked up that it's fairly common coz it's not rape, it's just the passion and the desire of them wanting you. the wierd thing tho, is that this was 2nd grade, up in my parents room, under a sheet, wierd i'm sure. i just figured they had no idea what i was thinking about. maybe stuff happened to me, but i don't think so. my sis accused my dad, and major stuff went down, way b4 i was born, but she ended up rescinding it and we all know he was innocent. my other sis said my bro did stuff to her when they would fish, and that sometimes she even went to save me, but i don't remember him ever doing stuff. maybe it's just coz i was in a sexual environment with all the older ppl around me. my oldest sister is 15 yrs older than me so when i was born and growing, my siblings was in their sexual learnig and puberty stages, maybe that has something to do with it

[mami1323]

Please don't take offense to what I'm about to ask. I am not the type of woman who gets offended by porn. I actually have no problem with it. Now I'm going to get personal about myself. My mom's ex bf used to do sexual things infront of me when I was little and it really made me oversexualized at a young age. I was morbidly curious about sex but never did anything until I was 16 but I thought a lot about sex and maybe too much about it. So my question is were you ever sexually abused? You don't have to answer of course.

[catorizor]

i was rereading thru this post and saw i had it right, i had said that inner voice told me to wait, i let my emotions and fears take over and alienated him further, damn it. it's ok all, it's not you're fault, this is a delicate matter i have been trying to figure out for years. it has set me back some, but i know him, i know in time ( or at least i dearly hope) that he will see he can trust me to tell me his personal things. if i keep accusing him and thinking the worst he will never trust me, why would he. no, i gotta take it slow, let things heal, and hope we will make it. I know why he hate ppl, and i don't want to be one of those ppl. judgmental, controlling, negative. I hope he'll realize how dear he is to me.

[catorizor]

dang, that was way longer than i meant it to be, sorry. i hope it explains it all good enough tho, please don't think i was duped, i truly believe him, and trust me, i have trust issues so i wouldn't believe him if i didn't know him, i feel so bad, it's like accusing your best friend of something they didn't do, damn.

[catorizor]

Ladies, I am 25, I am crying, I feel bad. here's what happened. He told me that it costs money to do that and he's not interested. he said he doesn't go to live ones coz they cost money so i asked what if it was free. he said something i can't remember. What i do remember is he said what i have in my mind is a made up website. He never understood the reason to cyber so i said "well what if you could see them and thell them to take of their top and do stuff to themselves. it's way more intimate than porn" he something like thousands of men are watching it and it's not intimate. but i know that there's fantasy involved. anyway, he's not even interested in that. what hurts is i knew that. I knew he didn't cyber, i knew it and i questioned him and he wasn't mad, but i could tell he was hurt. i shattered his trust again. luckily i told him all about how i feel, and even tho he was mad he let me know if i really want to be involved just be comfortable about it. I'm dirty myself ladies, sorry to say, but i think about sex almost every minute of the day. mention a girl and i think of her naked and so on. I don't know why i think this way, i just have for a long time. my parents were strict tho so i was always ashamed of myself. in him i saw someone free, someone who might free me and be ok with how dirty my mind is. sometimes i wish i just thought like you women, but i'm a tomboy, i had three brothers and always enjoyed the fun free spirit of men.Miami, when you asked earlier what i was trying to get out of this post, i guess i wasn't sure, i guess i was hoping men would come on here and tell me it's ok, guys don't think it's a big deal like women do. then when i saw that the only man posting said he was taking me for a ride, i guess i lost myself again. here's the things ladies and gentle man, i guess i'm a dirty girl who wants a man that will share his dirtiness with her and make her feel like she is not the only one. Look, please don't think this is fake. I  am a very honest person who is not afraid to share my feelings, which is one reason i was mad he wouldn't share with me. I think i will reach him yet. he told me that if i want in his world (as  i called it) to just be comfortable with it and not make a big deal about it. i know you ladies may think i'm brainwashed, or a bad woman, but i'm realizing i'm not a girly woman, i'm a guy's girl, i love guys and their brash humor. i really just want to be his best friend and partner in crime coz i see in him who i might be if i didn't feel ashamed of who i was. I am not crying anymore, i feel ok, i just hope things will be good in thor morning when we talk.  I accused him of something and now i feel bad. and don't think he's taking me for a ride, i feel ppl's feelings very well, he was hurt, not mad, that's what made me feel bad, i accused an innocent person, that sux. but at least i found out more about him and how to approach his sexuality, i really appreciate the advice all. i hape i can bcome comfortable enought with my sexuality and him to actually become part of it someday, i have faith i can do it. and not to be crass,wait... i can't say it, i'm afraid you'll think this was all fake if i just say it, but like i said, i'm not afraid to share personal things about me. if you wanna know, ask, but i don't want you all thinking this was a fake post. what i want to say is if you knew how tense i had to be to please myself (I found a nicer way of putting it) you may understand where he's coming from when he says i'm uncomfortable. that's why i knew it was about me, not him and posted all that gushy stuff about finding myself, which is still very vital. this post is kind of embarrassing and very personal, but maybe it may help another woman, even tho i'm sure i'm one of a kind.