Should he write the letter?

[twinkly84]

I have a good friend who has 2 siblings.
The one sibling & him keep in touch but, it's often rare b/c of work schedules & where they both live. However, they send cards & try to keep in touch during holidays (even if they don't see them personally). Both of those 2 siblings take care of their parents best to their abilities too, when they can drive & meet-up w/ them. So, that's the 2 of them.

However, they both have a sister. The sister is married to a man 20 years older, who's divorced & has 2 kids in another state. The sister has kids. 2 of her sons are by DIFFERENT Dad's who she had flings with in the past. Then, she has 2 kids WITH this husband of hers. It's not a pleasant conversation & the 2 older sons really should find out who their Dad's are but, she's NOT ever going to tell them.

Needless to say, the parents are NOT thrilled with the girl but, they try to see their grandkids.

Bottom line, the 2 siblings have not contacted their sister. Should they? One of the siblings actually has a restraining order (TRO) on him from the sister indicating that he had problems with her in the past. But, the other son (my friend) has not talked or seen his nephews in a LONG time. Should he call her? Should he write her a letter indicating his feelings? What about the other brother and the restraining order? How can they solve that too?

What about the parents too, how can they see their grandkids w/out the daughter threatening to contact the police or other problems? She uses all of those kids as pawns....

Please, any suggestions for the Parents & the Brothers would be GREATLY appreciated!! Thank you!

[peggy64]

Do you not feel a nagging in the pit of your stomach that you shouldn't do it? I think that if you felt like it was the right thing to do, you would not have to ask.

It is not wrong to not fix this for him. It might cause more problems for you, that you didn't have to start with.   It does not mean you don't care about someone if we don't jump in and rescue them. It just means you know your limitations. And really, if this is that important to him, the letter needs to come from him and his heart.

[megochick101]

As to the letter doing more harm than good, there's no way to know, it all depends on your friends sister and how she reacts to it. That's a chance he'd have to take if he wants to send the letter.

[twinkly84]

I would really, really like to help my friend but, not get too involved.

I would probably help him construct the letter if he wants the help however.

Would sending that letter do more harm or good? He only wants to see his nephews & have his parents see their grandkids....that's it...

[peggy64]

I think jo gave very wise advice. As much as we want we can not solve everyones problems. If we could, we could solve our own, and sometimes we can't even do that.

It is not our job to fix everything. Sure it hurts to see our friends hurting, but when we get involved in family issues, it usually does backfire.

Sometimes the only thing we can do, and in all actuality, the best thing we can do is to turn it over to the Lord, and leave it with Him.

We can listen, and sometimes that all people actually want, is someone to listen, not fix, just listen.

[jo929]

If you are a good friend and not a realitive, it might be wise to listen, but give no advice, because it could backfire, i would stay out of it   luck  jo

[megochick101]

Ok let me clarify, so the 2 children who are not the kids of her husband are the ones that the grandparents want to see? Or is it her parents(your friend's sister's) who want to see the grandkids and she won't let them?


If it is the first(i.e the kids father's parents)  being able to see their supposed grandchildren, they can have the childrens supposed father court order a dna test to see if the child is his.(i believe, you may want to check with the state and everything)  then he would have to take your friends sister to court to get visitation rights, I'm not sure if the grandparents can do this or not on their own.

If it is your friend's sister's parents, I really don't think there is anything they can do as she is their mom and i believe she does have a right(legally) to not allow certain people to see them(regardless of her selfish reasons)

I don't know about the restraining order, I believe the only way it could be lifted is if she lifted it. He could always try and write her a letter, apologizing for whatever he did to warrant the restraining order and ask her to let the past be past and try and patch up the relationship, but who knows how she will react. They both could take a chance and hope she has matured and will want her family around again.

Sorry i'm, not much help here, a letter can't hurt, but it all depends on this woman and if she uses her kids as pawns I don't think the outcome will be what your friend and his family wants.