Urinalysis for my wife, although we're sexless for 2+ years - problem?

[Petegouch13]

My wife and I have been married for 20+ years. Since ours kids arrived, like many marriages, our relationship changed, some of which is, of course, normal. For the last two years, we have not had sex or anything close (both healthy 50 somethings). I am still very much in love and completely attracted to my wife and desperately need her intimacy. We've been in marriage counseling before and we've been in our current counseling for two years. I have never been unfaithful and my wife makes similar claims, which until recently I believed 100%. She's a devoted mother and claims to want to fix our marriage as well. However, like never before, something seems off. For any spouse out there who senses something but can't put your finger on it, you know what I mean. I truly want to believe her, but I keep wanting to view her emails or hack her phone, etc. So far, I have not done any of that. However, I recently was going thru the mail and I noticed an already opened health insurance claim file relating to my wife for a "ua/m w/rflx cutlure" (urinanlysis? yeast infection? not sure?) - so, I'm guessing she had some type of infection in her vagina, but that's about as far as my knowledge goes here. If so, it's all pretty normal, I'm thinking, except she, of course, has not been sexual active for long time, as far as I know. Should I be suspicious? Am I great big sucker here? Or is this completely normal and benign and I'm being a paranoid jerk? I welcome any input or honest info

[specialmom]

Hi, sorry for the marriage troubles..  Yes, she probably just had a routine urine check for suspected UTI.  You can get those from improper wiping and a small amount of fecal matter gets in your urethra.  Seriously, it's that easy.  But the bigger picture is you are feeling extremely distant from your wife right now.  Can you ask her what is going on and tell her how you are feeling?  That you are worried as things seem even more distant than usual?  Ask her what she is feeling.  Try to reconnect on an emotionally intimate level. And I tell you, the sexiest thing my husband can do for me is to take over a household chore for the day and rub my back.  Let me sleep early and comfortably and then I'm more prone to be open to sexual activity. I hate to say it that way.  But women are often so overwhelmed with the responsibilities (and I know men are too but less of the to do list at home seems to usually fall on them so home represents relaxation for men and work for women)--  they are often tired, stressed and can be a little depressed.  Could this be your wife at all?  Do you have kids?  How old are your kids?  

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm also thinking that you are confusing the fact that a guy uses his urethra for passing urine and also for passing semen. In other words, it's a sexual channel also. But a woman uses her urethra only for passing urine. It is not a sexual channel. The urethra does not come out of the vagina or any such thing! So try to relax. People get UTIs from their diet and from their urine not being acidic enough and from bacteria. Not from having sex.

[AnnieBrooke]

It's called a Urinary Tract infection, not a Vagina infection. You could get one yourself.  My male cat gets them, and he's neutered. If the urine does not stay a certain level of acidic, people can get repeated UTIs. Call a doctor if you want to be sure.

[Petegouch13]

So a UTI has nothing to do with sexual activity whatsoever?

[Chima7]

Little kids can get UTIs so there's no reason for you to jump to the conclusion that she's having sex elsewhere. Anyone can get a UTI at any time. It can be caused by any number of different reasons.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, Pete, here is from another website:

What is a urinalysis complete with Reflex to culture?
Clinical Significance. Dipstick urinalysis is important in accessing the chemical constituents in the urine and the relationship to various disease states. Microscopic examination helps to detect the presence of abnormal urine cells and formed elements. Culture may identify the organism(s) causing infection.

Getting a test for a urine infection is not getting a test for anything about the vagina. (Urinary tract is not the vagina. Urinary system has to do with peeing.)

I am sorry you and your wife aren't close enough for her to be able to casually tell you that she has a UTI. Maybe she thinks it will bring up the sore point of the fact that you aren't having sex and you want it, or maybe she thinks it would just make you suspicious that she is having sex with someone else. (If the latter, guess she was right about that.)

My opinion if you would be interested (I went through a sexless period in my own marriage) is that she is not horny for anyone if she is not horny for you. Sometimes it just shuts off. In my case, it came from years of gendered expectations and implicit criticism if things were not up to the standards my husband had been raised with (his family had household help) -- if the house was messy, it was something he would criticize (though we have a child and all three of us contribute to the state of the house, and I was chasing around cleaning up as much as possible -- he should have seen some of the messes that were cleaned up by the time he came home from work, but he would just criticize the moment he came into the house about what remained). If our son needed things done for school it was all my problem, my husband did not take any initiative even to know what those things were. But he was handy by to criticize if a project for school made the house untidy for more than an hour. If the dog pooped on the floor of the garage, I would hear about it as though I pooped on the floor of the garage. If the cat brought a mouse into the house, the house was "full of vermin" and we should get rid of the cat. I was expected to cook all the meals, except hamburgers on the grill. If dinner was not immediately apparent, my husband would pointedly heat up a pot pie and eat it, not asking if there were even plans for dinner (clearly not expecting any). Etc. My husband probably felt that since he made the money and I stayed home, he had the right to come home and expect the house to be as clean as a high-class hotel with dinner on the stove, and never have anything inconvenient happen while he had a glass of wine and went to his study to watch TV.  I guess after a while I got tired of him wanting me to be frisky on top of all of that. If he had cheerfully taken any of that off my back (especially the critical attitude) or even simply pitched in and wanted to be with me, in the kitchen or chasing the mouse, like he was my partner at the un-fun parts of life, he might have found me a more willing partner at the sex. And I wasn't actively mad at him, I just found that my libido went away. Why have one more chore put on me and one more criticism and one more expectation?

Don't know if that is your situation or not, but she probably is not withholding from you what she is giving to someone else. She's probably just shut down. (Might have a few fantasies, but probably nothing more.)