Should I leave ? am I wrong/dumb for staying ?

[richyrich89895]

Where do I begin ? To start things off my girlfriend and i have only been together for a year and a few months . She got pregnant when we first got together but I stayed by her side and was there for 90% of her Doc apps all the way in North Carolina even with my busy military life . Before we got together I was in a pretty bad relationship but I did not let that stop me from being good to her , she also was in a pretty hard relationship to . I am sorry for jumping all over the place but I want to get everything off my chest. When I found out she was pregnant I assured her I wasnt goin anywhere even though we have only been together 3 weeks .

when we first got together she made it seem as if she was over her ex(s) , she would tell me how good I am and how lucky she is . Well just recently I started renting a house , because having a roommate and 2 kids ( her daughter and my son ) just wasnt going to work . She began to complain about how having another kid would take away from the fun she could have and how she wants to go out more and buy herself more clothes and lose weight . I understood the losing weight part , she weighed 159 at 5'4( she is built like a track runner / gymnast) and went all the way up to 194 during the pregnancy , but why does the club matter  now ? I brushed it all off at first because its just her being a young woman that still wants to have fun right?  

when I left from being with her and our new born son everything was great ! We had gotten alot closer than I thought we could . But soon after things changed One day while we were apart we both made a few slick comments towards each other and one thing to another the next day she broke up with me and said that she didnt want to be tied down to anyone and that she doesnt want to do anything to hurt me . I eventually talked her down and got us back on track  . I was suppose to go get her and the kids for my birthday weekend so she decided she wanted to go out one last time before then . That night while she was out she had a few drinks and didnt attempt to call me while she was out until I woke up around 4 am and realized we havent talked at all so I called . When she answered I automaticall new she was drunk  , before I could say anything she told me she wasnt moving with me and that she doesnt want to hurt me . come to find out her ex was there and took advantage of the fact that she was drunk and kissed her . All this the day before I get on the road to come get her , the next day I ask her if she wanted to come , her answer was its up to me . When I got there she stalled all the way up til 8 pm to tell me she didnt want to leave yet and that she wasnt ready .

Moving forward her ex cheated on his current girlfriend who is pregnant with their second child when he kissed her , that still did not stop her from telling me her feelings for him have not gone and that I am not and have not and probably wont get 100% from her . Being the kind of person that I am I dont easily give up on people ,so I tried to talk her down . Jumping to the future we ended up moving in together and things started off great , a few bumps and hard times but we came through them together . I am used to only having to pay for and take care of myself so I had to my finances so that we could be more comfortable. She does not have a job yet so she takes care of the kids , she blames her not having a job on me not taking her to plaecs to look .

she went home to visit her family a few weeks ago and the same situation with her ex came up but this time she told him off , so I thought . She soon again started to talk about wanting to be single and understanding why he keeps pursuing her . Before all this she had accused me of going to see my ex ( I proved to her that I didnt but , come to find out her ex brought her food while she was pregnant with my son and even tried to come on to her ) , she said she thinks I will leave her for my ex ( and she left me twice becasuse of her feelings for him ) .  I feel like a fool .

Now we are still living together and she even apologized for that whole situations that happened . I forgive her but I cant get it out of my head . In the back of my mind I keep hearing " she left you twice already because of her feelings for him even after she said you treated her better , who's to say she wont leave again ?"  I cant look at or talk to her without thinking about what happened . Its getting to the point that its hard for me to kiss her because I feel like she is just settling to be here with me and I feel all this anger / betrayal . Apart of me wants her to leave while the other half wants to fix things . I dont know what to do honestly . I feel as if I have every right to leave her but wrong for thinking about leaving . She tells me about how I dont pay her any attention now and how I dont show her affection as much , its hard to now because when I look at her I feel like I am just a bank account and someone to spend time with . She even brings up marriage and I am forced to quickly change the subject because in my mind I ask myself why would I marry a woman that so easily left me twice because of her feelings for someone else . Even after all that has happened I have not cheated or even been to see another woman . I stil pay all the bills and even buy for her daughter . She is constantly wanting and wanting more things when ever I get paid and its making it hard for me to save money . I dont like that speding money dictates how she treats me at times , to be honest I have spent thousands on her when she has barely spent hundreds on me in the year that we have gotten together .

I am sorry  for jumping around so much but I have so much on my chest . ( before we moved in together )There was one time when I asked her for a little help because I had to pay some things off and I knew I would barely have enought money for gas and food so she said she would send me a little money when she got paid . When she got paid she bought herself new clothes and ate out almost every day , not once did she attempt to send me anything . I had to eat ramen noodles and drink water for 2 weeks while she ate out and clubbed . When I brought it up to her she said I should have reminded her .

For the one hundreth time I am sorry for jumping around , I just need a different point of view on this . Thank you and sorry for the lack poor construction of this article I am in a time crunch .

Thank you for your time

[jemma116]

When you say that your girlfriend "got pregnant when your first got together", how sure are you that this child is actually yours?  

As she has been unfaithful to you twice, it may be a good idea to get a DNA test done.

You need to be firm with your money, pay the bills and do not give any money to squander.  If she is not working and staying at home looking after the children, give her some "pocket money" so that she can buy herself some personal items that every woman has to have every month.  If she wants to buy clothes, she will have to budget what you give her and save something from that.

As there is no trust in the relationship and you have been deeply hurt twice and she only thinks about herself about having a night out getting drunk and having a "good time", you would be wise to have a break from the relationship and see how things are in a couple of months time.

The way you feel and the way she keeps spending, don't even think about marriage.  At this point in time you would be marrying into a life of misery, unhappiness and she would fleece you for everything that you have and work for.

You deserve far better.  It is not a wise decision to make a commitment for the sake of a child.  

Best wishes.

[Londres70]

"Should I leave ? am I wrong/dumb for staying?"......I wouldn't say that, however, this relationship has ran its course and you both are not even compatible in so MANY ways.  Sounds like you've tried, but it just isn't going to work.  It's unfortunate you are bound to her with this child, your son.  

I wouldn't even bother with counseling in regards to this relationship.  Sounds like she is flat out using you and she doesn't care about or love you.  There is NO love on her part whatsoever.  Probably best to let her go and just take care of your son.  

You were definitely smart NOT to marry her.  

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds like she is there for you because you are the father of her child, not because she is crazy in love with you.  Not that she has to be -- good marriages are often based on respect and admiration as much as on chemistry.  But her attitude about being tied down and unable to go to clubs and not getting romantic treats and attention from you suggests that in the long term, she won't continue to be happy and you won't, and that without some help deciding what to do, you two would break up.  Could the two of you do some counseling?  You might be able to come to terms with the relationship or you might decide not to try, but you'd definitely be better off making those decisions with a counselor.  

[BluCrystal]

GRACIOUS!  I feel really bad for you.  Nobody should be that confused and feeling hurt all the time!  ! think you need a BREAK.  A long one.  Away from her, so you can get back to who YOU really are, and just BE.  Maybe she will be there when you are ready, maybe not.  That part isn't up to you, it's up to her.  You can't love someone when you no longer know where you start and she begins, inside.  Blessings - Blu

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, from what you wrote she wants the best of both worlds, contact with her ex and you buying her things. I feel she is using you to make her life full and will not change. Its all about her.

Your question is should you leave? The answer is you not there anyway!