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Why is my friend acting this way?

So my “best friend” who I thought was my best friend is acting really strange. We’ve been friends for over two years now and when we meet up we usually have dinner and play pool or go clubbing. I am pretty nice to her and I don’t think ive ever done anything to hurt her. A while back she cancelled on going out and invited me over instead and I said id go but then I had personal issues going on so cancelled and I apologised and told her I was unwell.  She seemed to take it fine and we’ve been fine ever since. I’ve been asking her to come visit me for a few weeks and she has sounded very excited to come but I didn’t have the chance to invite her as I was going through stuff. Recently I invited her over a week ago on a Saturday to hang out at mine and spend the night, she sounded all up for it, then a few days later she messaged me and told me that she has been doing a lot of contemplating and she thinks it’s best that we meet up for lunch. I asked her why and she said she would rather talk about it in person and I asked her talk about what and she said “us” which left me confused. I didn’t know what to say and I wanted her to be straight out with me but I decided to just msg her this instead, ‘I hope everything is okay, I was looking forward to having u come over and I am a little upset that u can’t come, I’m happy to have lunch and do something after if u like. Where would u like to have lunch? It has been 4 days since she has responded to my message and it’s Saturday today, the day we where meant to catch up and I got no response yet which I found quite rude. I dont understand if I’ve said anything wrong. Does what I said sound rude or accusatory? I’m just hurt about the fact that she can’t tell me the reason why she doesn’t want to come over. She has a tendency to take a while to reply because she hates texting and she said she would rather meet in person but to ignore me for 4 days when we where meant to catch up is quite hurtful. I wouldn’t do this to anybody. She does hang out with this guy and she suggested a week ago if me and my partner and her friend and her can all go on a double date on Saturday but I suggested she should come over instead, so could she just have ditched me for him? I’m always good to her and treat her with respect so I don’t know why she’s behaving this way. Is what I said to her wrong? What should I do now? Is it bad of me to ask her to tell me the reason via text why she doesn’t want to come over? Should I message her again and tell her how she’s made me feel? She didn’t seem to care about upsetting me with the last text I sent her. I always doubt myself and think whatever I do is rude or wrong. Thanks for the advice.
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134578 tn?1614729226
Calling her "rude" is not going to help anything. Try to relax and don't read into it -- she'll let you know what's going on soon enough. You don't know what's going on for her any more than she knew what was going on for you when you had to cancel a couple of times because you had "personal issues" and were "going through stuff." (Which makes me ask, you're allowed to not follow through on plans because you are "going through stuff" but she is not allowed the same thing?) I'd leave it alone, and leave her alone, and don't act like a bride left at the altar. Friends don't get mad at each other for things like this, they worry about each other and ask if everything is OK. And remember, what is going on for her might have more to do with circumstances than with you.
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I probably should have been more specific with my post. I actually let her know what was going on with me and I told her the exact reason why I cancelled. After she said she’s been doing a lot of thinking and she thinks it’s best to meet up for lunch, I asked her how she was and she said she was well. So I assumed that it had something to do with me. It just sounds shady to me, she didn’t tell me she had any issues going on when she usually does if somethings up so that’s why I was upset. I’d be perfectly fine if she told me she feels uncomfortable coming over or any reason just as long she’s straight out with me.
134578 tn?1614729226
Are you two teenagers?
Helpful - 0
4 Comments
No she’s 26 and I’m 28, whys that?
Well, I'm just puzzled by the intensity of your language, it's more like teenagers sometimes act about friends than usually seen between adult female friends. In just this post, you've used a lot of emotionally loaded words about her -- "shady" and "rude" and she's "ditched you" and "ignores" you and "doesn't seem to care about upsetting" you. You've said you're "upset" and "hurt" and that she "made" you feel a certain way. That's a ton of unusually loaded emotion to be packed into the relatively minor event that a friend didn't get together with you and hasn't called.

Maybe the problem doesn't have a lot to do with you, such as, her relationship with her boyfriend is taking a lot of time and she needs to go there. Or maybe your friendship is the issue. (If so, I'd wonder if maybe the intensity is too much for her.)
But I'd try to relax about it if you can. Friendships are perennial, they do best when let grow like grass, not shot out of a cannon like fireworks.
I do agree that I have used intense words, we both suffer from borderline personality disorder and she has post traumatic stress disorder. I try to handle my emotions as best as I can. I doubt myself a lot and yes it did upset me that she didn’t come over because like I said I was looking forward to it. What you’re saying could be true and It’s best I probably back off and let her come to me but I don’t know if she will respond to my message and if it came across as rude when I wasn’t trying to seem rude. Do u reckon the last message I sent her telling her that I was looking forward to her coming over and that I’m a little upset that she couldn’t come and told her that I’d be happy to have lunch with her was rude or inappropriate?
Perhaps not rude nor inappropriate, but you've reached a boundary where saying more would be harping on it. In a friendship of two years, something like this is a minor event. Saying anything more about it would merely show you're not letting go.
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