My girl doesn't like weed

[weenytable]

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years now and a big problem I've always had with her is me smoking weed. I've alwajs done it and she trys to change me. She is just completely against it and I try to convince her otherwise with little to no avail. But I still do it though behind her back which just kills my conscious because I hate lying to her, but I can't see myself just stopping anytime soon. I love her and I would never want to lose her but I just don't see smoking weed as a huge problem as she does, and advice :/

[Life360_Dave]

You should post this in the substance abuse forum for advise on quiting if you want but if you live in a state where its legal it would appear you have to see it here way as im sure she will smell it on you one of these days.

[Vance2335]

Yeah stop smoking weed.

[Londres70]

According to your other post you have more problems then just your weed smoking.  This is just more proof that you two are incompatible.

If she is "always trying to change you" then why stay?

[Nighthawk61]

I read your other post as well. It's hard to get into a full blown love relationship before you are ready to settle down. it invariably always ends badly, and people are hurt. But it happens to most of us, and we've gotten through it. It's better to love and lost, than never to have loved at all. I think it's good advice for you to concentrate fully on what you want to do for a living. Don't be moving in with this girl right now. It's not what you want. You know it, and she probably knows it. It's difficult to move on,, but if you do so going toward something like a career, it really does take the sting out. And , you can then date women and let them know that you are not interested in settling down right now. There is no crime in that. You don't have to feel one iota of guilt for that son. Mostly, relationships are built after college. for the reason that it needs to be a person's first and foremost priority in order to get good grades. If you want to kick back with friends after you have done everything you need to do at school to fast track a career for yourself, do so pragmatically. And you'll have no regrets.

I wasn't the type to settle down with my high school sweetheart. It killed him when i did not make a clean cut and run. It was so hard on him. He tried to keep in touch with me as i moved a world away, still after 10 years he was waiting. Even after he was engaged, he told me that he would cancel the wedding and marry me. He was the perfect match for someone to settle down with, and I don't know why exactly i couldn't go his way. But, i could not, and did not. Now you have to let her go and find someone who does want to marry right out of high school and have a family in their early 20's. You sound like you should do some living before you get married and settle down. You are just two different animals son. Let her go, and wish her well. Tell her that you want her to be happy, and that you cannot make her happy right now. Or, do you see yourself in the role of daddy anytime soon? You have to be the tough guy, you have to get this done. Yes, you will be somewhat lonely and miss her, no doubt. It ***** for awhile, but think know that if you get your career on track, and keep in good stead with the law, watch your drinking and don't let it get out of hand. DON"T let the weed turn into trying out a whole bunch of other drugs. That's one way to throw your life down the toilet. Make some rules. If you're drunk, you're going to end of having sex, getting an std, or worse, get somebody you don't even know if you like pregnant, have to pay child support to a woman that you may not even like.. My advice to you is to act responsibly in your life. Don't go off half cocked, when you do work yourself free. Don't let guilt or loneliness turn you into acting out in a way that is harmful to your health. Be honest about what you are doing, while dating. That you are not interested in moving in and playing house, ,until after you are settled in a career. That would be my advice. Be a smart sensitive honorable man. and set this girl on her way. This isn't about weed. or her trying to change you. This is about this first love relationship coming to it's own end. You must mourn it, and let it go. You'll be friends for ever.  You never forget your first love, but there is love after your first, for sure. You are just not on the same wave length. Find a girl who also is concentrating on their career, and socializing. Find a college girlfriend, and don't automatically assume or let the assumption be that by having a relationship you are meant to be together. Just live one day at a time, until it becomes absolutely clear to you it is your time to settle down.

Sorry it's so hard to grow up son. But you'll be okay. You sound like a fine young man. God Speed. Don't let it go on for any longer. It can only end badly and you both deserve more than that from each other.

I've got a 26 year old son and he is of your breed. He's finally found someone he's interested in, but she's a few years older and wants kids now. He will not budge until he's finished school . She appreciates his honesty and his integrity. So if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.
Liz

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, you've gotten a lot of wise responses above.  There is much to take from those posts.

I will say that I too agree that this is a compatibility issue between you and your girl since that was your immediate concern.  I'm dead set against smoking pot----  and it would not work for me to be with someone who did.  I'd never be happy.  I'd always want them to stop.  It would be  wedge between us.  And then there is the other side.  You like it and don't want to stop.  

You need to be with someone that accepts your drug usage and doesn't mind being with a guy that is frequently high.  She needs to be with a person that doesn't do that.  

it really is that simple.  As I've gotten older, I've learned that you have to match values, interests, and fundamental things as best you can and that there are also deal breakers.  it would be a deal breaker for me to A. have someone constantly bugging me about not doing something I have no intention of stopping or B. someone that smoked pot.  Both would be deal breakers for me.  

So, I know this isn't solving your problem other than to say that I don't think this problem can be solved.  :>((  Sorry!  good luck