addicted or addicted with purpose

Question

I have been dating a very caring man for several months now. He had been a lot of trouble in the past (many DUI's) and had told me how f'ed up he use to stay with oxycottins, roxys, opanas, perks, you name it. It said he was ready for a serious relationship and ready to put this past life behind him. I also know he has some things wrong with his back. He's had surgery to remove a cyst and has digenerative disc disease, a nerve problem and a few other things. He's been to the ER several times to get perks. One time i came home and he was gone with all pills to trade for something else..what, i dont know exactly. He then agreed for me to hide them and give them to him when needed.  A few times I found out he had gotten a Roxy and oxycodones from a friend. He lied about all of it and denies it even though i know for certain he did. This past time I seen a txt he sent to someone asking for a opana. He then denied that and made me to blame for looking through his phone and I'm always looking at him in suspicion and I think hes a piece of crap and that he's strung out when it's only because he needed  it for pain. I told him to not come home from work because I was tired of his lies. He's begging to come home and that he cant live without me, but he's broken the same promise to me over and over. I just don't know what to do. Am I over-reacting because I know his past and he really does need these pills, or does he hurt because he's dependant on pills. I told him the last time we broke up if he was really hurting bad to come to me, but not to lie and sneak behind my back. But, he did it again this time. He always has inbox n outbox txts deleted, I think he just slipped this time and forgot, and i seen it. Which makes me wonder how many times he has done this without me finding out. He only admitted it to me this time because i said he couldnt come home until he stoped lying, but then I didnt want him home because he lied to me over n over. i knew a few days before he was acting weird and distant, and i kept asking if all was ok, and that he still remembered his promise and he swore all was fine and we were fine- 2 days later I find the txt wanting opanas. I just dont know what to do!!

straightarrow23 · Answer

pain* ..instead of addiction

straightarrow23 · Answer

Thanks Vicki, but i did a new post of his medical problems. Im just hoping I didnt kick him out because its pin instead of an addiction. look at my new one if you have time, and thanks!

vicki595 · Answer

I think you DO know what to do and you've done it. I know it's difficult but in understanding addiction, it makes sense. He's not ready to stop and he will  do anything and say anything to keep it going. It's the hallmark of an addict: lies.

Special mom gave you great advice . You need to put yourself first and preserve yourself here!  He needs to hit bottom before he even thinks about getting clean so you need to know it could be a long time...

I'm sorry. Please don't enable him,it doesn't help and does not make him love you more. It will allow him to manipulate you more. Any addict needs to be clean for at least a year before even considering a serious relationship. So, it doesn't have to be forever but he shouldn't be part of your life right now. It will bring you nothing but heartache and pain. I can guarantee it.

Good luck to you and post back for support...

straightarrow23 · Answer

Thanks for your advice. He was just texting me saying he loved me and sorry he hurt me but he dont have a problem. He was going to split the opana up to last a few days. he swears its because of his back pain, but i just feel deep down that he is a addict. Just like you think as well. Whats sad is other than pills weve had a wonderful relationship. He treats me good, makes me feel special everyday and honestly I was happier with him than any other man before. Guess thats why I find myself wanting to let him come back. But deep down i know itll happen again. he'll just start lying and sneaking better. Thanks again.. I am trying sooo hard to stand my ground and be strong!

specialmom · Answer

He's an addict.  He's using.  You date to find out what you need to know about someone and if the relationship should continue and move to the next level.  Not every relationship should.  

If you stay with him, you are setting yourself up for a difficult life.  He's no where near being able to give up his narcotic drug addiction and you will become a codependent partner in his addiction.  It would worry me if you were tempted to do this as not everyone would.  Most people are subconsciously self protective and codependent people are not.  My point being, most codependent partners also need help overcoming various emotional problems that they themselves suffer.  

Love is a choice and we must choose well.  You made the right decision to send him away and I would stick to that.  Stay strong.  

good luck, I know it is hard hon.