Aa
looking..
Do you think it's ok if your significant other looks at other women?? I caught my bf looking at another woman walking toward us, going up the stairs. She was wearing some low cut top, showing it all, and I could see his eyes looking at her and not the athletic game we were at. I was a bit annoyed that he looked. I don't dress that way, am pretty conservative. I like to cover up. My bf has all the opportunity to see me at his place with less on, but I won't dress like that in public. Am I being stupid, by being annoyed at this?
I dont feel this is not fair at all to you.She should be thankful she has a husband that loves her & wouldnt cheat on her.I m sure it makes you feel terrible to have to worry about this all the time.Its as if you have done something awful when you havent done anything at all.
I hope things get better for you Jim.I think maybe she need s the therapy?
I hope things get better for you Jim.I think maybe she need s the therapy?
I didn't leave that day but it wasn't long after that I did. I was to scared at first but one day he happened to catch me in one of my "I ain't taking no more crap" moods and I told him that was it we were done!
The bad thing is, it was during one of mine and my husbands seperations and I finally learned that I do worse when I leave him so I might as well stay and fix our problems...lol
My DH has never hit me and I dont' think he ever will. We have been together for 12 years if you take away the 3 seperations... all during his relapse phases of his life. He has come close during druken moments years ago and he used to be very verably abusive but things have changed since he has cleaned himself up!
Beargizmo: yes and it was the first and unfortuanetly not the last until I took a stand. You know people tried to warm me about him and I wouldn't listen!
The bad thing is, it was during one of mine and my husbands seperations and I finally learned that I do worse when I leave him so I might as well stay and fix our problems...lol
My DH has never hit me and I dont' think he ever will. We have been together for 12 years if you take away the 3 seperations... all during his relapse phases of his life. He has come close during druken moments years ago and he used to be very verably abusive but things have changed since he has cleaned himself up!
Beargizmo: yes and it was the first and unfortuanetly not the last until I took a stand. You know people tried to warm me about him and I wouldn't listen!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am awful glad to hear that is your ex!!! I hope you left that relationship right away and have had no such patterns repeat in your life! No one deserves to be treated that way whether they are gawking with their tongue hanging out.
I had an ex boyfriend that was pretty much the same way. I went to his work sight one day to pick him up and he wasn't done so I sat on the curb and watched them paint. Well there was these guys walking around with their shirts off but on their heads and I was looking at them but the whole time I was looking I was thinking Dang they look stupid like that.. He yelled at me from across the job site and then once we got in the car he hit me and told me next time he saw me staring at a man he was going to give me can'tyadon'tya knots. Which means he was going to make damn sure I didn't stare again.
From then on I had a hard time even glancing at anyone out of fear that I would get hit again!!
From then on I had a hard time even glancing at anyone out of fear that I would get hit again!!
Interesting, Teko, thank you..I'll have to give that a try. It does make it tough to go anywhere...out to dinner, to the mall, anywhere.
Jim
Jim
I had a relationship like that one time. I remember feeling like I had to look straight ahead all the time because if I didn't a fight ensued. This is a horrible way to live. Finally, I decided I was not doing anything and quit enabling him. In other words, I went ahead and lived my life and if he was seeing things that were not there, then so be it. When he wanted to accuse and fight, I simply walked away or took a drive. It got to the point where he knew if he was going to start fighting over stupid stuff, I was exiting the building. I refused to fight as it was his problem. Once he got that thru his head, at least the fighting stopped. And the constant accusations. I considered it his problem and left him to deal with it but refused to be party to it. I feel for anyone on either side of that coin.
Thanks Iamanaddict and lonelymom...I'm not tooting my horn..I have my faults and I'm very open about them..but this is an issue that has become totally crazy..she did not come to see my therapist today but we discussed the issue anyway and I was totally honest with him..he recognizes that men "glance"....I don't stare..most of the time I sense movement around me and I look...that's it.
We'll see what happens as things go along..
Jim
We'll see what happens as things go along..
Jim
Jim, it sounds as if your wife is really hard on you and I honestly don't know how you put up with it. You seem like such a sweet man and a good husband and your wife should thank her lucky stars that she has you rather than sabotaging your marriage.
As for the looking part...it's human nature and we ALL do it at one point or another. My husband tells me about the women he looks at. It takes a LOT to turn his head. I'll joke around with him and tell him that there is NO woman on this earth that would put up with him besides me and he'll say that there is no other woman he wants.
I think a lot of it has to do with what type of relationship you have that determines how much it bothers the other. I used to be married to a guy that cheated on me, hit me, you name it and would look at other women and make comments right in front of me. I would get so angry and hurt that I would see red! My 2nd husband is total opposite, doesn't abuse me, shows me every day he loves me and has never been unfaithful and I don't believe he ever would. When he looks, it doesn't bother me because I KNOW for a fact that he loves ME and he makes sure that I know I am the only woman he wants. If I see an attractive guy, I will certainly look but I won't make eye contact or stare. I'll just say to myself..."DAYUM!!" and that's it! LOL!
As for the looking part...it's human nature and we ALL do it at one point or another. My husband tells me about the women he looks at. It takes a LOT to turn his head. I'll joke around with him and tell him that there is NO woman on this earth that would put up with him besides me and he'll say that there is no other woman he wants.
I think a lot of it has to do with what type of relationship you have that determines how much it bothers the other. I used to be married to a guy that cheated on me, hit me, you name it and would look at other women and make comments right in front of me. I would get so angry and hurt that I would see red! My 2nd husband is total opposite, doesn't abuse me, shows me every day he loves me and has never been unfaithful and I don't believe he ever would. When he looks, it doesn't bother me because I KNOW for a fact that he loves ME and he makes sure that I know I am the only woman he wants. If I see an attractive guy, I will certainly look but I won't make eye contact or stare. I'll just say to myself..."DAYUM!!" and that's it! LOL!
Hi there! :)
You have absolutely nothing to worry about! all men look at other women all the time, its not to be hurtful or because they would ever cheat on you but when a nice bum is in front of you, ye have a little look. I am female but all my mates are men, they all love their girlfriends and they check out women all the time and so does my boyfriend and he knows i look at ohter guys, its only natural, women tend to only fantasize about their boyfriends as we are more nurturing nd when we are in love , its usually our partner who we think about seually but men have over active imaginations and they really dont get why it would hurt us lol. Just remember that he wouldnt be with you if he wasnt attracted to you. If it bothers you that much just talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel. Good Luck :)
You have absolutely nothing to worry about! all men look at other women all the time, its not to be hurtful or because they would ever cheat on you but when a nice bum is in front of you, ye have a little look. I am female but all my mates are men, they all love their girlfriends and they check out women all the time and so does my boyfriend and he knows i look at ohter guys, its only natural, women tend to only fantasize about their boyfriends as we are more nurturing nd when we are in love , its usually our partner who we think about seually but men have over active imaginations and they really dont get why it would hurt us lol. Just remember that he wouldnt be with you if he wasnt attracted to you. If it bothers you that much just talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel. Good Luck :)
I consider myself in the attractive catagory, secure, independent, confident an everything else that comes with being confident. What I will not tolerate from my fiance it for him to stare at women in front of me. It is natural to look, but it's rude and desrespectful to stare to the point where it will make me uncomfortable and it has happened and I knicked it in the butt right on the spot. These insignificant stares (depending of they are the natural or lustful stares) have consequences, which result in insecurities, unecessary jelousy's, arguments, etc....I do like the response of "why don't you take a picture, it will last longer" (lol) and it will he will get the message, yet be aware that you are on to him. If it bother's you then, you need to tell him how uncomforable it make you feel, if you are able to just let it go, that's great, but the reality of a slight glance is natural. We all do. I've done it, but it's insignificant.
Blondiegurl, It is normal to look. To stare is not and maybe saying something to him (not nagging him) but simply say something like hey hun you need a picture of that? Or something that will break that ice like a previous poster said and make him realize what he is doing is wrong. I have always lived by this saying: You can still look at the menu, you just can't order! Also this one: You are married not dead. I used to be very insecure and jealous, but as time went on I learned not to be. You will too!
Jim, At first I was thinking wow what a wonderful marriage you have but as this post goes on you really have things both of you need to work on. I can understand not wanting to be constantly accuse. My DH does the same thing to me. If I look then I must know the person or want the person. Your wife NEEDS to go to therapy with you so together you both can work on this. She needs to understand that it is okay for you to look as long as you aren't "ordering"! She needs to not be so insecure!
Jim, At first I was thinking wow what a wonderful marriage you have but as this post goes on you really have things both of you need to work on. I can understand not wanting to be constantly accuse. My DH does the same thing to me. If I look then I must know the person or want the person. Your wife NEEDS to go to therapy with you so together you both can work on this. She needs to understand that it is okay for you to look as long as you aren't "ordering"! She needs to not be so insecure!
I have and never will cheat on my wife...I've had an affair once in my life in a previous marriage which was against EVERYTHING I believed in..temptations have been there,but I will never do it again. Never.
Jim
Jim
My husband & I are what I consider attractive people.Both of us feels its a complement if someone of the other sex looks without staring or being rude.I think it is natural to look at a attractive person.I can only see getting really jealous if your mate has cheated on you in the past.You have to have trust in a relationship or it could get very unhealthy.
well, about all I can say is if there's anything that's going to ruin our marriage it's her constant suspicion...I mean, come on we're arguing about stuff that happened over 10 years ago..and now she is suspicions because I'm active on Facebook and it just so happens that one of her best friends is on there and she's postivie that she and I have something going...I HAVEN'T SAID MORE THAN 10 WORDS TO HER IN 3 MONTHS..other than "hi" and "no (wife's name) probably won't join facebook.. and "congrats for quitting smoking"...I talk to a number of work colleagues and recently have tracked down a bunch of old highschool MALE friends..and she's supicsious of THAT!!...I was emailing one of these friends from my phone a couple nights ago "who are you texting?" "why"? She can't understand why I like tracking down old friends..
It's about to drive me insane! I'm taking her to my therapy appt tomorrow and we'll get his input on it all.
It's about to drive me insane! I'm taking her to my therapy appt tomorrow and we'll get his input on it all.
I always say, if someone is going to cheat, you could be the most beautiful woman or handsome guy and they will cheat. I make it a point to never permit any man to make me feel less than another woman or that they are better, because they are not. Many time they could be gorgeous, yet brain dead. It's how you carry yourself with class, your ability to communicate effectivelyl. I've seen average people who look sexy because of the way they carry themselves, so don' let him get the best of you. Always take care of your appearance and if he continues to disrespect you by staring and after you told him to knock it of then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship and if you want to be with someone who enjoys making you feel small.
I agree that it's natural for men and women to check out others. I think that how much it affects the relationship depends on the state of the relationship and/or the woman's feelings about herself and men in general. If the guy is being blatant about lusting after other women, that is just hurtful and needs to be addressed. Likewise, if the woman is unreasonably suspicious (sounds like Jim's wife might be) it's also a problem in itself that must be worked out. I had a real problem with that myself.
My jealousy and constant comparing myself with other women, treating life, sex and love like it was a competition, really caused much stress and misery for me and my exes, and current husband. I think there are a few reasons it bothered me.
1) I didn't trust my significant other, either because of the fact that he was untrustworthy or because of past experiences.
2) I didn't feel good about myself, and was sure that if another woman had a better body, he would prefer to be with her.
3) My significant other took advantage of my insecurity and used his looking at other women as a way to get me upset.
When I was first with my current husband, I would accuse him often of looking at other women. I was so jealous, I could barely be in the same room with my husband and an attractive women. And he was NOT staring, leering or drooling- he would barely glance in another direction and it would set me off. But as time went on, I realised that he was faithful to me, no matter what, and that it was OK if he saw other woman that had better body parts than I. Now, if we are together and a pretty girl comes into view, I will sometimes quietly comment to him on either how I would LOVE to have a chest/butt/etc like that, or (if the clothes she's wearing are ridiculously provocative) how I think I'll go get myself that same outfit. Of course, I don't do that EVERY time we see an attractive female- just in those in-your-face moments that seem to require some response. We go to Bike Weeks (motorcycles) and it's not unusual to see girls in thongs and such gyrating by. He finds it much more peaceful than my former accusations and attacks, and it's great not to let it ruin my whole day. Btw, I'm not happy with my own body at all right now- I'm about 20 lbs overweight and need a LOT of work before I'll wear anything showing a lot of skin. So for me, it's more of an internal issue than actual body image.
My jealousy and constant comparing myself with other women, treating life, sex and love like it was a competition, really caused much stress and misery for me and my exes, and current husband. I think there are a few reasons it bothered me.
1) I didn't trust my significant other, either because of the fact that he was untrustworthy or because of past experiences.
2) I didn't feel good about myself, and was sure that if another woman had a better body, he would prefer to be with her.
3) My significant other took advantage of my insecurity and used his looking at other women as a way to get me upset.
When I was first with my current husband, I would accuse him often of looking at other women. I was so jealous, I could barely be in the same room with my husband and an attractive women. And he was NOT staring, leering or drooling- he would barely glance in another direction and it would set me off. But as time went on, I realised that he was faithful to me, no matter what, and that it was OK if he saw other woman that had better body parts than I. Now, if we are together and a pretty girl comes into view, I will sometimes quietly comment to him on either how I would LOVE to have a chest/butt/etc like that, or (if the clothes she's wearing are ridiculously provocative) how I think I'll go get myself that same outfit. Of course, I don't do that EVERY time we see an attractive female- just in those in-your-face moments that seem to require some response. We go to Bike Weeks (motorcycles) and it's not unusual to see girls in thongs and such gyrating by. He finds it much more peaceful than my former accusations and attacks, and it's great not to let it ruin my whole day. Btw, I'm not happy with my own body at all right now- I'm about 20 lbs overweight and need a LOT of work before I'll wear anything showing a lot of skin. So for me, it's more of an internal issue than actual body image.
well first of all as i man i know we tend to have wandering eyes. If we see an attractive woman we tend to do that. I think you need to let it slide a lil bit for his sake.
but like the others say, looking is one thing and staring is another....there is a difference if hes guaking at these ladies call him out on it. its creepy to do anyways even if you are single
but like the others say, looking is one thing and staring is another....there is a difference if hes guaking at these ladies call him out on it. its creepy to do anyways even if you are single
With me and the times my wife has "caught" me..I don't stare...the only time I "stared" was one day, our last day in the Bahamas, and I was in the water...just looking at the resort and the area surrounding...I wasn't even looking at women..I was just impriting the view of the resort on my mind...and my wife accused me not only of staring at women but at men too! We have argued about this particular incident FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS...yes, I'll take a glance at an attractive woman...I don't stare..sometimes I just sense movement out of the corner of my eye and just turn and look as a reaction...that's taken as looking at other women....I've already discussed this with my therapist as a "problem" in our relationship....so I welcome her coming to the next session..
But I will not go celebrate my 60th birthday with this hanging over my head...I'd rather spend the time with my son, daughter in law and grandchildren if I'm going to be subject to this ridiculous suspicion for 2 weeks on the beach in Jamaica.
Jim
If my b/f "dared" disrespect me in public, but "starring" at a particular woman, I would tell him right on the spot. It is natural to look. Everyone looks at someone...it's natural, but there is a difference betweet a quick glance and "checking her out"or starring at with eyes of lust or desire. I'm a very secure and independent individual who is not afraid to speak my mind and I usually get the looks when I am with him and I'm flattered, but that's as far as it goes and it's really insignificant, but I would be offended if a man is with his wife or girlfriend and disrespected her, by starring at me...it has happened. Although it's really meaningless, its desrespectful and if it bother's you, stop him right in his tracks and tell him that you feel offended and disrespected by his starring at women in front of you and you would appreciate it if he would knock it off!
You say he likes big boobies but he is with you and you say you dont have big boobies.There are things way more important than the size of ones boobs...Your boyfriend must love you for you ...small ta tas and all....
We all go through times of insecurity in our lives...Most of the time we are the ones who make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is.You need to focus on things you like about yourself.If we all went around focusing on what we dont like we would all be miserable all the time....
We all go through times of insecurity in our lives...Most of the time we are the ones who make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is.You need to focus on things you like about yourself.If we all went around focusing on what we dont like we would all be miserable all the time....
I think it's just that I don't feel pretty anymore. I got into a horrible car accident a year ago, and it mangled my left leg. I was left with some serious scars that aren't attractive. I haven't really been able to accept my new look yet, and it's just been hard seeing all of these other prettier girls and I don't measure up. I am thin and in shape(5'6", 120 lbs), but my boobs are small. And I know my bf likes big boobs, so I wonder at times why he is with me. I know it's my own insecurities I need to work on and it's just taking some time. He hasn't really looked at anyone since that incident, or not that I have caught him doing. I just need to learn to be more confident.
I agree with you Teko..Theres a difference between a glance and an all out stare....
People need to remain respectful to one another....
People need to remain respectful to one another....
Your comment about him looking at a woman with big breasts and comparing your own, tells me maybe you are feeling a little bit inferior. We gals are all different. Some have big boobs, some have nice tales, others long and lean with great legs, and some just have beautiful faces and a few seem to have the whole package. I have no problem with my man looking, glancing at women. However, if the man is leering and making a spectacle of himself and his mate, that I have a problem with simply because it is embarrassing to all parties. Now if she turns around an looks back at him in a come hither sort of way, he will be thumped, other then that I have no problem.
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