is the affection my husband gives his 7 yr old daughter normal

[confusedme72]

I am married to a man who has a 7 year old we have had her since she was 3 full time I feel like he gives her affection he should give me he comes home from work and goes straight for her not even saying a word to me if i disciplined her he goes against me she knows that he will get mad at me and let her do what ever i feel her being almost 8 years old and saying she is just a baby is not normal he lets her get in the bed him in his underwear and spoons with her rubs her head and like tickles her back with the tips of his fingers the way he does me it maybe im jealous a bit but i have children and this is uncomfortable for me and weird he picks her up and puts her legs around him they kiss on the lips and she tells him to bite on her ear yes playing is fine like that when they are babies but almost 8 i know he is not doing anything sexual with her but  last night he had her in our bed and i asked him to look at some pis online and he was laying on his belly in his underwear and  she was runing the tips of her fingers all over his back and sides i will find him staring at her and them smiling at each other and blowing kisses yes its sweet but it goes on an on and our sex life has died because i am not feeling sexual and i don't know why please tell me im not crazy

[specialmom]

Well that is interesting Loimmarmar.  I guess anthing is possible, right?  I guess as a mother of two boys of similar age---------  I'm quite affectionate with them, probably look lovingly in their eyes and the secret they and I have is that I love them more than anything else, etc.  

I'd probably be accused of having an affair with my sons. (gross).  Do I love them more than my husband.  In some ways, yes.  It is different.  If I've had a bad day, I would rather my husband get the grumpy me than my kids.  I gave my kids the extra I had when I was super tired.  Etc.  And I'd want my husband to do the same.  As long as our marriage is solid---------  we can afford to do that.  

I think this comes up because this isn'ther daughter and she doesn't feel close to her husband.  But that is just an outside opinion from a small bit of the story.  

Hope it works out for all in this family.

[loimmarmar]

Hello,
   I feel the questioning in the words you type and I feel as though you may have a certain point that the other answerers did not address. I must say that I do see each of their positions and to a certain degree, I do agree.
   The part that gets me is the looking into the eyes and little smiles as tho there is a secret or feeling that is personal between them and I do not mean in a father daughter
way, in a secret way.
   You also said that he is not doing anything sexual with her.......Maybe not physically, but with those looks and the biting on the ear and the running the fingers down her back while spooning and her running her fingers the length of his back while laying in OUR bed. Girl, I say KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN, wide. Do not miss a move.
  When he looks at his daughter, does he see his ex in her? As far as you not feeling sexual right now,   Understandable if it is jealosy, but most men forget to love us all day to get the goodies at night. And you being married, do know that sex for a woman starts hours to days prior, and it starts in the mind.
   Have you thought of getting a sitter to take kids to their place before he gets home ....PREP yourself and allow him to visit with the woman he fell in Love with years prior. We do sometimes get so used to life, that we do not try enough each minute to make it special.
   Keep us updated and this is just a last minute thought...You have a computer, Have you checked the history of its travels as that can give you light as to your husbands desires unspoken.
   I will pray that you have a wonderful blessed day!!!   GOD BLESS!!!!!      loimmarmar

[specialmom]

Hon, sounds like your marriage is in trouble and it has nothing to do with his daughter.  

She is only 7.  I have a seven year old.  I think it is great he is affectionate with her.  Your insinuation that they are inappropriate is disturbing.  Especially because you blame THAT on your lack of sex life with your husband.  

Soon enough, she will want to distance herself physically from her father.  And I agree, you could mention to your husband that perhaps he should wear real shorts around the house rather than just his boxer shorts---------- but I have two boys and I wear my pj's around the house.  They could care less.  And my husband wears his boxer shorts around the house.  They (or I) could care less.  But, if it makes you uncomfortable------  I guess you could ask him to dress in clothes.

My boys do a 'running' hug.  They run as fast as they can and then their dad scoops them up with legs around his waist and tight hugs.  I kiss them on the lips and have never thought a thing of it.  They are my babies.  

So, I think your marriage will be over if you start to make her the other woman.  Instead, focus on your part and his part of your union that is in trouble.  Some families really blend when they get together and some never do.  I hope yours blends.  But you need to stay on track and not make his daughter your enemy.  good luck

[Kayannaboo]

Often times we allow age to control our thinking when it comes to the affection our spouses gives the kids. You maybe thinking that seeing that she's 8yrs old the things he did with her when she was 3 is not so cute anymore. It may just be that in his eyes she's his babygirl regardless of how old she gets and he feels she is his world and in fact he is right! She's his daughter and he does not want her to think that she is being replaced by you. Your jealousy may be getting the better of you as you feel the attention and care that he gives to her is in so much abundance that your attention and care by him is being slumped on. I completely get this. While she is his child she is a child. You are his wife and certain times should be spent alone by the both of you. In Jamaica we would say the gilr needs to "hold a child's space". Your husband needs to understand that adults need to be separate from children sometimes. I do not think it is right that when she does something wrong he needs to go behind your back and change that, if he does not agree with the punishment then he should speak to you in private and both can come up with a common ground on how to handle the issue.

Speak with your husband and ask him how can he expect tht little girl to have respect for you if he does not have respect for you. Open your mouth and say how u feel otherwise noone will know and u will continue to be put down. You have a say tho it's not ur child it's ur husband and u r an adult in the household. I hope it all works out for u!