Aa
engagement thoughts
Good evening,
I recently got engaged to my long term girlfriend whom I have met just after graduating from University. I am having second thoughts and wonder if they are normal considering mine (our) situation.
A little bit more about it. I am 30 studied engineering and have worked in a few places. Currently I decided to take some time away from employment to consider relocation and undertake further education and volunteering.
My girlfriend (fiancee), 29, is now a consultant in one of the leading hospitals of the country. Career wise she will personally have a great future ahead.
I have read a similar post and wanted to post my concerns that are causing me stress about the commitment in the same manner:
1 - Family relationships. We come from different backgrounds, countries and families. We now live in her country - where we met. We have always found the cultural differences hard to overcome and worked on that very much.
2 - Her brothers and sisters are very protective of her being the elderly and smartest in their family (her parents got divorced when she was a teenager). I feel when being with them like I cannot be the same guy like when we are alone or with other people - got told off for small things and undermined with subtle jokes every time I do not agree with her in something. Thing is we only spend time with her family once in a while and it has not been much of a deal right now.
3 - She is very likeable and have lots of friends. Which is great and the completely opposite to me - only a few friends and living abroad. Also my entire family lives abroad.
4 - I notice that sometimes people appreciate all the efforts we are making towards working out misunderstandings. I sense from her that sometimes she is not happy with certain things which we have not voiced. I am accommodating and feel that I have put up with a lot and think she has done also.
We don't have a date for the wedding yet, but the sole situation of being engaged is creating a deal of anxiety and wonder if I have done the right thing of going ahead with all this. I love her and care about her a lot, but these are the reasons of my doubts.
Do you have any similar experiences?
I recently got engaged to my long term girlfriend whom I have met just after graduating from University. I am having second thoughts and wonder if they are normal considering mine (our) situation.
A little bit more about it. I am 30 studied engineering and have worked in a few places. Currently I decided to take some time away from employment to consider relocation and undertake further education and volunteering.
My girlfriend (fiancee), 29, is now a consultant in one of the leading hospitals of the country. Career wise she will personally have a great future ahead.
I have read a similar post and wanted to post my concerns that are causing me stress about the commitment in the same manner:
1 - Family relationships. We come from different backgrounds, countries and families. We now live in her country - where we met. We have always found the cultural differences hard to overcome and worked on that very much.
2 - Her brothers and sisters are very protective of her being the elderly and smartest in their family (her parents got divorced when she was a teenager). I feel when being with them like I cannot be the same guy like when we are alone or with other people - got told off for small things and undermined with subtle jokes every time I do not agree with her in something. Thing is we only spend time with her family once in a while and it has not been much of a deal right now.
3 - She is very likeable and have lots of friends. Which is great and the completely opposite to me - only a few friends and living abroad. Also my entire family lives abroad.
4 - I notice that sometimes people appreciate all the efforts we are making towards working out misunderstandings. I sense from her that sometimes she is not happy with certain things which we have not voiced. I am accommodating and feel that I have put up with a lot and think she has done also.
We don't have a date for the wedding yet, but the sole situation of being engaged is creating a deal of anxiety and wonder if I have done the right thing of going ahead with all this. I love her and care about her a lot, but these are the reasons of my doubts.
Do you have any similar experiences?
Some cultural differences are not so bad while others end up causing very big problems in relationships. You have to ask yourself how major your differences are and whether it's something you can overcome as a couple or whether these things could potentially tear you apart. That's a very significant piece which can't be ignored.
When you fall in love you know absolutely positively this is the person you want to spend eternity with. I'm not sure that everyone can fall in love in this way, but it does not sound as if this is the case. When you are truly in love the things you mention don't matter. I have no doubt there can be a marriage and children without love, but the best matches have this magical attraction.
You don't sound like you're crazy in love. Don't marry a girl you're not crazy in love with.
And all your concerns are valid. You are from different cultures, and her family doesn't really seem to like you, and you have very different social needs.
Why do you want to marry her? (honest question)
And all your concerns are valid. You are from different cultures, and her family doesn't really seem to like you, and you have very different social needs.
Why do you want to marry her? (honest question)
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
