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wife does not show any affection
Hello, everyone im back n need some advice or input on my situtation again as im pretty confused and not really sure what to do or think. As some of you know i had posted back in oct. about wife and me getting a divorce due to her cheating on me with a younger guy. We decided to cancel the divorce and try to safe our marriage.
Before she moved back in we sat down and had a long talk and told each other exactly how we felt and what we did wrong within our marriage and what we could do to correct our own mistakes that made each other feel how we did.Since she moved back in we have been getting along, communicating and helping each other more but she does not show any affection towards me.
I love my wife very much and really trying to work things out with her but it feels more like we are friends now than husband n wife. The few times we are intimate with each other is not even making love its more like just having sex. She just lays there and closes her eyes and makes me feel extremely bad that i just stop cause it feels like im forcing her. I have tried to talk to her about how she feels but she tells me that there is nothing wrong. I'm not sure how i can get her to open up to me and let me know how she really feel towards me. She tells me that she does want to be with me and work things out but she has lied to me so many times that some times i feel that she just came back for security instead of reallly trying to make things work.
Has any one ever been thru this situtation that can give me some advice or input?
Before she moved back in we sat down and had a long talk and told each other exactly how we felt and what we did wrong within our marriage and what we could do to correct our own mistakes that made each other feel how we did.Since she moved back in we have been getting along, communicating and helping each other more but she does not show any affection towards me.
I love my wife very much and really trying to work things out with her but it feels more like we are friends now than husband n wife. The few times we are intimate with each other is not even making love its more like just having sex. She just lays there and closes her eyes and makes me feel extremely bad that i just stop cause it feels like im forcing her. I have tried to talk to her about how she feels but she tells me that there is nothing wrong. I'm not sure how i can get her to open up to me and let me know how she really feel towards me. She tells me that she does want to be with me and work things out but she has lied to me so many times that some times i feel that she just came back for security instead of reallly trying to make things work.
Has any one ever been thru this situtation that can give me some advice or input?
Best Answer
U right i love my wife dearly which is why i never gave up thru all the stuff she put me and our kids thru. She knows how much i love her as i tell her more now than before. I make sure she feels appreciated n loved as she did tell me i was lacking that before. I thought of all the things i was doing wrong (not appreciating her, helping her w/kids, working to much and loving her like i should) that i look at myself in the mirror and said if you really love this woman how could you made her feel this way. I just got into some bad abits and she never complaint so i never felt there was something wrong in our marriage. i have correct all that and treating her with respect and defitinley appreaciating her.
We do kiss, hug and hold hands but it is not the same as it use to be as im the one who does it. She says she has no desire or want to hold my hand, kiss or hug me like she use to but she does it because i do it. In other words if i didnt try to do those things she would not try, well that is how she makes it sound.
We do communicate and get along better but like i said the affection is not there on her part and im so use to her being that way towards me. I miss her telling me ( i love you babe, have a nice day at work babe, i miss you). i just hope that with time everything will get better.
Specialmom i will try what you have recommended and im not really worrying about the sex part i just want her to love me again and hope that everything else will fall in place with time.
We do kiss, hug and hold hands but it is not the same as it use to be as im the one who does it. She says she has no desire or want to hold my hand, kiss or hug me like she use to but she does it because i do it. In other words if i didnt try to do those things she would not try, well that is how she makes it sound.
We do communicate and get along better but like i said the affection is not there on her part and im so use to her being that way towards me. I miss her telling me ( i love you babe, have a nice day at work babe, i miss you). i just hope that with time everything will get better.
Specialmom i will try what you have recommended and im not really worrying about the sex part i just want her to love me again and hope that everything else will fall in place with time.
Please do not give up yet. There are so many different stages and feelings in a relationship. I mean I love my husband in a different way now 20 years later then I did in the beginning. Right now even more then before. But in the beginning it was all fireworks, then we hit a lull. Life happens and at times I was bored and even questioned how I felt about him. That physical BAM was not there at times but in time it was back and even better then before. What brought it back? Working through and not giving up. I recommend a book called the love dare. ( From the movie Fire proof) . My husband and I almost split this past year. He made some mistakes and I was angry and in turn really made things much harder then they had to be. He started reading the book without my knowledge and started implementing it in our relationship. It is hard to stay angry or distant from someone who is really trying. Give it a try. I am not saying things will work out with you and your wife but if it does not at least you will know you gave it all you had! Good luck.
You have hit it on the head she is back for the security,it is just a habit and one you should move on from this isnt going to work,to much has happened please be strong and end this relationship and be happy.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. This is a hard situation for anyone to be in. ok, I believe she is not in love with you. I agree that she may have come back for security reason. My advice is life is too damn short. I would divorce her. I could not and would not live in a relationship like this. It is not easy, but you desire to be happy and have a health sex life. Good luck bro.
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Don't give up yet. As you are communicating with her, ASK her for more affection. Don't ask for sex---------- but the affection part. The hugs, the hand holding, the snuggles and kisses. As she does more of this and as you two build the relationship, the sexual feelings may return for her. People do fall in and out of love. This is different than loving a person. And people really can rekindle things. But expecting it to be something perfect after what you've been through isn't realistic. So, let this relationship rebuild and grow again and maybe your sex life will improve. But ask for the affection part now.
If after a year it isn't improving at all, then revisit things. But give it time. good luck