sister in law moving in!!!

[tonyt678]

SO I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 10 YEARS WITH MY WIFE AND HAVE A VERY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. WE MOVED TO ATL RIGHT AFTER WE GOTTEN MARRIED  . BECAUSE OF IT BEING RUFF IN CT , NO JOBS AND HAVING KIDS MY SISTER IN LAW DECIDED TO MOVE TO ATL FOR A CHANGE AND FOR A NEW START. MY WIFE SPOKE TO ME ABOUT IT AND SAID IT WAS OK FOR HER TO STAY ALONG WITH HER TWO KIDS AT MY HOUSE UNTIL SHE COULD GET HERSELF ON TRACK. THAT WENT OK UNTIL MY WIFE AND HER SISTER STARTED TO GET INTO IT. HER SISTER FEELS LIKE WE OWNED HER SOMETHING  AND ALMOST STARTED ACTING LIKE SHE WAS THE WOMAN OF THE HOUSE, WHILE IN FACT WE WERE DOING HER A FAVOR. SHE WASN'T PROVIDING ANY KIND OF FINANCING HELP , ALTHOUGH SHE WOULD DO LAUNDRY EVERYDAY , HAVE THE LIGHT ON ALL NIGHT AND HER KIDS EATING ALL MY FOOD . I FELT LIKE I WAS TAKING CARE OF ANOTHER FAMILY WITHIN MY FAMILY..TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE  MY WIFE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE , THERE WERE  ARGUMENTS , THE COP WERE CALLED AND MY SISTER IN LAW FINALLY GOT AN APARTMENT .
  SO NOW ALMOST A YEARS AND A HALF LATER, SHE IS IN A SITUATION  WHERE SHE IS NOW PREGNANT AND  HAVING A BABY IN 1 WEEKS , ABOUT TO BE EVICTED FROM HER APARTMENT , HER BABY FATHER WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. SHE IS NOW BUGGING MY WIFE TO COME AND STAY WITH US AGAIN... SHE HAVE ALREADY STATED SHE DON'T LIKE ME . I HEARD HER ON THE PHONE MAKING MY WIFE FEEL GUILTY  SAYING OHH IF SHE MY WIFE NEEDED HELP SHE WOULD HELP HER AND SHE HAS A BIG EMPTY HOUSE AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HELP. MY THINGS IS THAT WE TRIED HELPING BEFORE. I FEEL LIKE SHE CAME HERE AND SHE DIDNT FOCUS ON BETTERING  HERSELF BUT WENT AND HAVE ANOTHER BABY WHEN SHE COULD'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF THE TWO SHE HAD. NOW WHY IS IT MY WIFE AND MYSELF  PROBLEM , SHOULD WE FEEL GUILTY AT ALL . I FEEL LIKE MY WIFE IS AND NOW IS PRESSURING ME TO ALLOW IT. I NEED SOME ADVISE . I DONT THINK I COULD DEAL WITH HER 2 KIDS RUNNING UP AND DOWN MY HOUSE THEY ARE 6 AND 7 PLUS HAVING A BABY CRYING ALL NIGHT ,PLUST DEALING WITH HER ATTITUDE .. I DIDN' T SIGN UP FOR THAT. I TOLD MY WIFE NO NO NO!!!!!!I NEED SOME HELP , NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO . I KNOW IT'S MY WIFE SISTER BUT SHE IS GOING TO COME HERE FOR PROBABLY A YEAR  AND LIVE ON MY ACCOUNT ..I DONT THINKS IT FAIR TO ME AND MY FAMILY.... PLEASE HELP...

[nursegirl6572]

I think you holding your ground on this is the way to go.  If you didn't already have the history with your SIL, it would be different, but you do, and you know it's going to end up being a huge burden (especially with the baby coming), and will likely cause a lot of resentment between you and your wife.  

You can help her in other ways, like mentioned.  

Good luck to you, hope it all works out!

[tonyt678]

Thanks so much for the the response (@remar) . It was a long weekend, we helped her packed some of her things and took them to the storage . Although I'm on vk in the islands now, I have to think about that. ....As off now there aren't any solid plans as to what she is doing or where she is going. I was told that she applied  for all these different  assistance programs , nothing yet. I think she wants to move out from where she is to somewhere a bit cheaper anyway.. Hopefully she figures it out by the time we are back...I just didn't want to harbor her for another 2 years. On the plane here I ask my wife.." Ok, lets say I allowed her to stay with us. what are her plans"? The response was that well, she would get a job and pay for day care after she has the baby ..No, Knowing her she will not want to leave her children and go to work , She is going to complain about it cost just as much for daycare in comparison to what she will makes working , so it will not make sense to work . Which I totally understand , but who is going to take care of you until you decide you want to work , hmmmmm, Me ? No way... So I told my wife again , It's a no again and it will be no when we get back..

[remar]

You can not feel guilty about your decision. You helped her out before and she did nothing with her life. Birth control is free at any woman's clinic so there's no reason she should have gotten pregnant again if she couldn't already care for the two children she has.
I've been in your situation with helping family members out. My husband and I have let several family members move in with us at different times and it never worked out. It put such a strain on our marriage and also on us financially. We just had to get rid of our nephew a few months ago and it was the best thing for all of us. No more stress for my husband and me and my nephew finally got a job, his own place and a car.
I agree with the above posters. If you can afford to pay her rent for a month or two so she can get back on her feet that would be best all around. Tell her to sign up for welfare and go after the fathers for child support. Like Specialmom, I do not like to see people using the system to get things for free when they put their own self's in this kind of situation. If she goes to the welfare office to sign up though they might be able to help her with schooling and or a job and also daycare for the children.

[tonyt678]

Interesting! I  think it is for none payment.. I will bring that to my wife's attention. I know the laws in Georgia are so funny. They will have the sheriff bursting down your door and putting your things on the lawn . Up north it seems that things are different. Thanks for weighing in on that because that is one other option we could look at . unfortunately,  I have to say we because I am somewhat affected by this to. I am pretty sure tonight once I get home it will be another conversation with my wife about this.. We may have to get her caught up with the rent and then see  what happens. at-least  for two months .. that would have been enough time because if I were to ever consider having stay at our place that would have been all the time she woudl get no  more no less. So instead we coudl pay the rent . I think its a good idea..

[vicki595]

Hi Tony- I just wanted to jump in and offer some support- Can I ask...why is she being evicted from her current apartment?  Is there a way you can speak with the landlord if it's about non payment of rent?  It certainly would save some money as opposed to getting a new apt and all those costs.

I sure feel badly for you and your family.  I hope you can find some quiet time alone with your wife to talk this through. One other thing, there are laws that prevent a landlord from putting a pregnant woman or an infant out on the street.  That's why I'm wondering if you can negotiate with them.

[tonyt678]

Just got another text from my wife saying I was very mean..I am so happy we are going away on a 10 days vk on sun soo by the time we get back she would have hopefully figure out  something .. You know whats killing me the man she has is a dead beat already. He wants nothing to do with anything. she is suppose to be going in to have the baby he doesn't even as much wants to hold the 2 others kids which are obviously not his for the couple of  days... My wife planned a very nice baby shower for her and ask the guy to at least to give her $100 towards the cake and other things he said no his limit is $40 .. My wife said no thanks.. That shower much have cost her over $600.. She did it  all by herself..I think women need to get to know someone before laying their backs down for men.. What happy to monogamy, true love, getting married and having a family . Nowadays as we say it in my Caribbean colloquialism . Its about hitting and running . I feel bad for her ... And I will help as much as I can just not letting her in our house..