How to become loved??

[AuntyK24]

I always wondered how people find love. Not the kind of love you have with a friend or family member, but an actual true loving meaningful relationship. I am only 24 but I do not want to miss out on true love. I have dated both men and women but they all either were abusive in some way, wanted to cheat on me or didn't know what they truely wanted out of a relationship. Plus I believe I only dated the men to please society and my family. I strongly believe I am a lesbian and have all my life. I just dated men for all the wrong reasons. I don't know how to get out there and find a meaningful relationship with a woman I can love. I work all the time and I do not know where to begin looking. I get so nervous in a start of a relationship and end up messing things up because I take time to warm up to new things. I have never actually slept with a woman, because of my fears of inadaquate performance. I wouldn't know what to do. I wanna know how to find a woman that will be patient with me and help teach me how to be a good lover. I do t know where to begin. Please? Any advice would be beneficial. I want someone I can care for and have the same in return.

[deadmemory]

Just wanted to say good luck... everyone... with any sexual orientation deserves to be loved with no judgement! My sis is a lesbian and I have plenty gay fam as well... not to mention all of my gay friends at beauty school. Loves them!

Good luck.. you will find love..

[nlk259949]

I am so sorry that you have been through so much! You know, it seems in life that it takes getting through a **** storm, to find what you are looking for on the other side haha. I completely understand how hard it is to find love though. It took me what felt like forever to find my fiance'. I know it is potentially even harder to find girls, because it's hard to tell if they are a lesbian or not. I think that is wonderful though that you have figured out your sexuality though, and I a really hope you find a woman soon! You should try an online dating website, with in your area. That way if you do meet someone on there, you could get to know them, with out giving away any really personal information on there, and then meet them in a public place like a restaurant. This would give you a larger variety of options of woman to meet! My friend has been doing this for awhile now, and she actually has a date in my hometown, with a guy she met online. I think it's a great way to meet people, as long as you are cautious about it. Good luck though, and stay strong. You will find love...or love will find you!

[AuntyK24]

Thank you! I have been In therapy for years for other reasons. Maybe it's about time I start talking to my therapist about this. Or ask her to refer me to a therapist that specializes in this type of stuff. Or she can refer me to a group type setting you mentioned.  

[Londres70]

Well, I didn't find my true love until age 40.  Hopefully you will find yours sooner.  

I find it important to be who YOU think you ought to be and NOT let society, friends, family, etc. influence you to be something you are NOT; this is one of the biggest mistakes people make.  If you get into relationships or situations based on a "make-believe" persona usually you will end up unhappy and unfulfilled.  

Perhaps you can look for groups/organizations supporting Gay/Lesbian lifestyles.  You can make friendships, etc.  

If you keep finding yourself in relationships with cheating, abusive or indecisive people, you might want to look into counseling to help you to sort this problem out.  

[HelpMe305]

Be patient, I know it's easier said than done, but I mean I would rather wait my whole life for my one true love than waste it on people who won't appreciate me. As for the whole sexual thing, when you find the right woman, I'm sure it will feel natural.  Trust ur instincts and don't over think things. Someone will come your way at the right time, in the meantime love yourself.

[AuntyK24]

Thank you! I just wish it wasn't so hard and didn't take so long. I believe finding the one or just someone that cares enough about me to see me through my darkest of times would help in healing of the pain from my childhood and make it easier to move forward. every time I found a light in this dark tunnel it has guided me further in my quest. So love, I believe will shine and guide my whole way through.

[RainLover71]

Good question.Love is hard to find and keep alive.It takes time and effort,also be who you are,don't go out with guys just to please society.If you prefer women that's fine and get to know someone and take it from there.Start off slowly and build on the relationship.In time it will grow and the two of you will be happy and love will blossum.Then after all that you have to work extra hard to keep it going.It's a never ending cycle that you just have to keep working at.I'm sure you will find that special someone soon.You have to open up sometimes and tell that person how you feel.I wish you all the best in your quest to find true love and I'm sorry for the pain you went through as a child.Take care.