I’m living in hell and losing my life over STD

[Joy1992ar]

Couple of days ago I posted a question about hpv and washing machine, I cannot get over what happened to me.

I’m 26 years old gay man i live in the Middle East. In late 2017 i was in Jeddah city and i had bumb on my penis i did not pay much attention to it because I always have wired bumbs on my skin due to shaving that comes and go.
In January 2018 i moved to my hometown Riyadh city and I lived with my family in their house.
I kept my apartment and stuff in Jeddah, and i was still paying the rent and I wanted to keep the apartment if I visit Jeddah on holiday.

In April 2018 a new bumb appeared, and i felt it on Thursday night, I completely lost my mind and knew it was hpv genital warts.

What really made me Traumatized that i might have another std and i’m not aware of it. It was Thursday night, in Friday all the labs and hospital are not working except emergency. I had to wait until Saturday to go lab  to do stds test. I was completely scared terrified and i did not eat and was sweating in my bed and I thought of sucide and what if seniors start in my mind.

I was terrified of being infected by HIV, how i can tell my family and tell them i’m gay or had sex with men, in the Middle East !!!


I went to the lab on Saturday morning i was barley walking I thought many times to hit any object while i was driving to die and end my life, i had the test around 8 am, and had to wait untill 6 pm.

All the stds came negative, thank god.

And went to my doctor for hpv warts.

I was relieved for a while but that did not stay long. I was worried all the time to infect my family with hpv , my sistersand mother, i wash my hand crazy and do not shake their hand or sit in the living room or eat with them.

I always have the feeling that I might have HIV or hepatitis and might infect them.

I'm suspecting the period time for testing hiv and hepatitis. And these thoughts kills me

I connot eat in restaurants now or have sex again, I always feel like i’m diry and infected person.

I’m losing my life i cant go anywhere and work, i had to take a leave from work for the last months I don’t get out of my room and stay with my family, I eat alone and go to private bathroom no body allow to use other than  me
I don’t allow any one to enter my room.


The worse thing is i have to close my apartment in Jeddah I cannot afford the rent anymore.
The worse thing is I’m too terrified to enter my apartment with all the sex i had with other men on the bed or couch.
What if one of the people i had sex with had hepatitis or HIV, and his semen is still on my bed or couch or carpet!! And i go to my apartment and get infected by the virus


I don’t know what to do how to enter my old apartment without getting infected, what should i do with the furniture couch, bed, tv my desk and books


I’m loosing my live I cannot go anywhere, or live normally

What should i do to my apartment I’m really worried , i have to close it in the end of this month I cannot afford any new rent !

Should i sell the furniture burn it how to move it out.

Please i need help!

[auntiejessi]

Hi Joy -

You've gotten great advice from the others. You can't get any STDs in the way you are describing - bumping into furniture, etc. If you come into contact with blood, you'd have to touch it with broken skin - like really broken skin, a large, open, unhealed cut, for example - for that blood to get into your bloodstream.

It sounds like you may have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I'm not a doctor, and can't diagnose anything, but please consider going to a therapist for this, or talking to your doctor. You don't have to mention your sexuality, or your sexual history. Just simply explain that you are deeply afraid that your apartment and other places have become contaminated with germs, and that you are particularly afraid of getting STDs from furniture, counters, etc. Tell them you can't bring yourself to go back into your apartment, and that you are afraid when your body touches furniture in places you think are contaminated. You never have to tell them you are gay - heterosexual people are at risk for these diseases, too, and have these fears, too. Our forum is full of people just like you, both gay and straight - you are not alone.

I hope there is support for OCD in your area, because there is real help for it. Just remember that your fears are not based on science. Science tells us that you can't get or transmit any STDs this way.

Best of luck to you.

[Joy1992ar]

I did had history of obsession I don’t know if considered OCD or just normal fears, I tired to go to therapy in 2011 which was a total scam and my money went away but my obsession was something different than germs and stds.

I have never been afraid of germs or stds but this Incidents has ruin my life,

I would sometimes ignore these thoughts, but everytime I remember my hpv i get totally scared again and think that I might get infected with some semen or blood from my apartment. From gay people I have met there.

[Joejoesmith]

Joy, listen. HPV is spread when infected skin touches an area of uninfected skin (called skin-to-skin contact). You can get HPV from someone who has warts on his or her mouth, skin or genitals. ... HPV cannot be spread by touching hard surfaces, like a doorknob or toilet seat. It also cannot be passed by sharing clothes or towels.  Learn from your mistakes. Practice safe sex, and don’t be ashamed of yourself. You are going to be okay

[Joy1992ar]

Thank you, i read that i connot pass it through intimate surfaces, but some sites says you could pass it through towels or toilet or even via HAND

Which made more confused and worry

[CurfewX]

I am sorry you are under such stress.  This is a very long post, so I want to break it down and just talk about part of it.

First, when you say you had sex with men, was it unprotected (no condom)?  And how long ago was your last encounter?

Just so you know, you do not need to fear ANYTHING in your apartment.  You can't get infected by touching or rubbing against your furniture or your carpet, even if it had trace amounts of semen or blood on it.  Put that out of your mind - you can safely return to your apartment and touch anything and everything there, and sleep in your bed.  You will NOT get any disease by doing so.

[Joy1992ar]

Some i had protected sex some not, i had two test one in 14th 2018 of april and the other was in 24th of july 2018, both were negative results from STDs.

But i’m still worrying that i might be infected maybe if I return to my apartment I don’t know what to do how to get rid of the stuff with all the sex i had in it, i’m afrid that some infected semen or blood still laying around on the couch or bed or carpet.

[CurfewX]

You are getting good advice from Joejoesmith, too.  You cannot be infected by any of your stuff - not your couch, not your bed, not your carpet.  You cannot get HIV, HPV, or any STD from objects.  Infected blood and semen, once outside of a human body, isn't infectious for these diseases.  Forget about the stuff in your apartment.  It is NO RISK to you, or to anyone else, at all.

Now, moving on to other questions - it sounds like you tested negative for STDs, so that is great.  Did you also test for HIV?

I know it is hard to be a gay man where you live, but please get some condoms, and use them, always.

[Joy1992ar]

I tested negative for HIV twice both were negative thank god.

I cannot imagine that i can have sex again after what happened to me

I just want a normal life now, i’m to afraid from any public services, I feel anxious just by touching the door handle to any store or to buy something from the grocery


I feel that if I return to my apartment I would be infected by something there.

I cannot get away of these thoughts.

The worse thing i’m reading on the internet it says you might get hepatitis from blood surface, or transmit hpv by hand to hand being your hand a  Vehicle(means of transmission)

Which kept me washing hand all time and my hand skin is peeling and dried and has small cuts from all the washing, which i try to repir the damage be Moisturizers cream.

[biology2017]

1) you can only know if u have hep and hiv through testing
2) these virus wont be spread to your family unless u kiss them or have sex with them
3) for ur warts, go get a diagnosis from your doctor
4) hiv is only spread through sex and needles, not through touching like what u said on the couch