Couple of days ago I posted a question about hpv and washing machine, I cannot get over what happened to me.
I’m 26 years old gay man i live in the Middle East. In late 2017 i was in Jeddah city and i had bumb on my penis i did not pay much attention to it because I always have wired bumbs on my skin due to shaving that comes and go.
In January 2018 i moved to my hometown Riyadh city and I lived with my family in their house.
I kept my apartment and stuff in Jeddah, and i was still paying the rent and I wanted to keep the apartment if I visit Jeddah on holiday.
In April 2018 a new bumb appeared, and i felt it on Thursday night, I completely lost my mind and knew it was hpv genital warts.
What really made me Traumatized that i might have another std and i’m not aware of it. It was Thursday night, in Friday all the labs and hospital are not working except emergency. I had to wait until Saturday to go lab to do stds test. I was completely scared terrified and i did not eat and was sweating in my bed and I thought of sucide and what if seniors start in my mind.
I was terrified of being infected by HIV, how i can tell my family and tell them i’m gay or had sex with men, in the Middle East !!!
I went to the lab on Saturday morning i was barley walking I thought many times to hit any object while i was driving to die and end my life, i had the test around 8 am, and had to wait untill 6 pm.
All the stds came negative, thank god.
And went to my doctor for hpv warts.
I was relieved for a while but that did not stay long. I was worried all the time to infect my family with hpv , my sistersand mother, i wash my hand crazy and do not shake their hand or sit in the living room or eat with them.
I always have the feeling that I might have HIV or hepatitis and might infect them.
I'm suspecting the period time for testing hiv and hepatitis. And these thoughts kills me
I connot eat in restaurants now or have sex again, I always feel like i’m diry and infected person.
I’m losing my life i cant go anywhere and work, i had to take a leave from work for the last months I don’t get out of my room and stay with my family, I eat alone and go to private bathroom no body allow to use other than me
I don’t allow any one to enter my room.
The worse thing is i have to close my apartment in Jeddah I cannot afford the rent anymore.
The worse thing is I’m too terrified to enter my apartment with all the sex i had with other men on the bed or couch.
What if one of the people i had sex with had hepatitis or HIV, and his semen is still on my bed or couch or carpet!! And i go to my apartment and get infected by the virus
I don’t know what to do how to enter my old apartment without getting infected, what should i do with the furniture couch, bed, tv my desk and books
I’m loosing my live I cannot go anywhere, or live normally
What should i do to my apartment I’m really worried , i have to close it in the end of this month I cannot afford any new rent !
Should i sell the furniture burn it how to move it out.
Please i need help!