Aa
Locked out of my own f'ing room! Dang! Why?
I am on the couch in my living room, it is midnight. Husband is masturbating to porn on the net. I cannot believe he locked me out! Ok so this is what happen. He comes home from work and tells me he is tired. Ok so this is his was of telling me he does or does not want sex? I dono so I try anyways. After all of the kids are in bed I am all over him. he gets hard and we go for like 15 min. Baby wakes up. I put the baby back to sleep. I am still ready to go. He gets out of bed still hard as a rock and walks around and says i am done. Well obviously he is not. I say fine. I am not done either. He gets in bed and rolls over. Ok fine, I go in the living room and take the laptop. I was thinking about masturbating but was too angry so I just got online. Meanwhile, his stallion must have come back awake and ran out of the stable because the next thing I hear is the f;n bedroom door close, and I can smell my friggn Victoria Secret lotion! WTF! Why would he do this to me when I am obviously willing and able! Am I so terrible? What did I do wrong? I feel like he is punishing me! I don't care about what he is doing, I just cannot understand why he would lock me out? Help guys? Gals?
Some good responses but a LOT of stereotypes so I am going to answer this question as if I don't know if the couple is two men, a man and woman or two women, because I want to answer as if they are different people not a stereo typical "man" or "woman".
1. If you didn't know whether or not "I'm tired" meant yes or no to sex, you should have asked. Or, later BEFORE starting something asked "are you too tired now honey or can we have some adult time?" Or, since you knew the other was tired, wait for them to initiate.
2.you are all over your partner and they get excited, this does not mean that the partner is no longer too tired or that the partner wouldn't have been asleep already if you didn't keep them up or that the tired partner would have started something if you didn't it just means they love you so much and are so attracted to you that they tried even though exhausted so be happy about that.
3. Every couple handles interupting differently. Some answer phone and tell telemarketers to f off while not even getting out of rhythem others (especially when the interuption is children) can NOT finish after the interuption. Only you know you and your husband regarding this matter. If extremely tired a small interuption might have larger effect than
usual.
4. "I am done" can mean a lot of things and should be clarified. For example I could add after, I am done, pleasing you because I am too physically exhausted to try and too emotionally exhausted to deal with the stress of possibly failing to please you.
5. When the done partner rolled over, that was the other partner's chance to remember they said they were tired and crawl into bed and cuddle for a few minutes or rub their back gentle while they fall asleep. Then a few minutes later if still too excited to sleep, masterbate in the bed with the sleepy partner. Then three things may happen, the partner wakes up and decides they are not done and want to participate, the sleepy partner falls asleep and will give the awake partner a rain check for another day they have more energy, or the sleepy partner states, "honey, I really love you but am not feeling well and you are keeping me up, would you mind stopping or going to the bathroom or something".
6. Tiredness can affect orgasm as much as anger. My guess is the partner accepted the other partner leaving for baby but not for lap top in living room with possibility of chatting or web camming with someone else, although, if too angry to cuddle or Quietly finish alone In the joint bed, Venting on lap top is a better choice than some other options. Situations like this get out of control easily and my guess is they were acting that way because they were thinking the same thing, "how could they do this to me"
The only way to solve it is to talk about it and the only way to prevent it happening again is the idea of planning ahead to get a sitter or next time talk about it before doing it, yes sometimes talking about it can ruin the mood but most people who have babies that wake up at midnight are tired and would rather be asked is it ok if I touch you? Arose you? If we have sex tonight? Rather than fighting and masterbating alone while wondering who the hell their partner is talking to at this time of night?
Peace and don't give up. You two obviously both want each other and not porn but accept the fact that for a few months, porn and masterbating might be a solution until baby sleeps better at night.
1. If you didn't know whether or not "I'm tired" meant yes or no to sex, you should have asked. Or, later BEFORE starting something asked "are you too tired now honey or can we have some adult time?" Or, since you knew the other was tired, wait for them to initiate.
2.you are all over your partner and they get excited, this does not mean that the partner is no longer too tired or that the partner wouldn't have been asleep already if you didn't keep them up or that the tired partner would have started something if you didn't it just means they love you so much and are so attracted to you that they tried even though exhausted so be happy about that.
3. Every couple handles interupting differently. Some answer phone and tell telemarketers to f off while not even getting out of rhythem others (especially when the interuption is children) can NOT finish after the interuption. Only you know you and your husband regarding this matter. If extremely tired a small interuption might have larger effect than
usual.
4. "I am done" can mean a lot of things and should be clarified. For example I could add after, I am done, pleasing you because I am too physically exhausted to try and too emotionally exhausted to deal with the stress of possibly failing to please you.
5. When the done partner rolled over, that was the other partner's chance to remember they said they were tired and crawl into bed and cuddle for a few minutes or rub their back gentle while they fall asleep. Then a few minutes later if still too excited to sleep, masterbate in the bed with the sleepy partner. Then three things may happen, the partner wakes up and decides they are not done and want to participate, the sleepy partner falls asleep and will give the awake partner a rain check for another day they have more energy, or the sleepy partner states, "honey, I really love you but am not feeling well and you are keeping me up, would you mind stopping or going to the bathroom or something".
6. Tiredness can affect orgasm as much as anger. My guess is the partner accepted the other partner leaving for baby but not for lap top in living room with possibility of chatting or web camming with someone else, although, if too angry to cuddle or Quietly finish alone In the joint bed, Venting on lap top is a better choice than some other options. Situations like this get out of control easily and my guess is they were acting that way because they were thinking the same thing, "how could they do this to me"
The only way to solve it is to talk about it and the only way to prevent it happening again is the idea of planning ahead to get a sitter or next time talk about it before doing it, yes sometimes talking about it can ruin the mood but most people who have babies that wake up at midnight are tired and would rather be asked is it ok if I touch you? Arose you? If we have sex tonight? Rather than fighting and masterbating alone while wondering who the hell their partner is talking to at this time of night?
Peace and don't give up. You two obviously both want each other and not porn but accept the fact that for a few months, porn and masterbating might be a solution until baby sleeps better at night.
Now how is being childish? Picking the lock, storming in and going to look at porn and masturbate. Yeah, now THAT will help the situation!
Still seem to be missing the point. It was NOT about that particular exact specific event. This most likely was the reaction of a long term simmering issue. This specific event is just the straw that broke the camels back.
I do agree that she should sit down and talk to her husband. It should be approached in the general sense rather than the specific situation. Because it is likely something that is eating at him and like I said the latest event was just the event that pulled trigger. It did not load the gun.
Every father knows that kids come first and are a high priority. That has nothing to do with losing complete priority of the husband. I do not think that many women understand how their actions affect when motherhood arrives. Women completely understand motherhood. They take to it like fish in water. Unfortunately this can exact a price as she becomes blinded and can not see the Forrest for the trees. However their husband is or can be lost completely in the shuffle by some women. And that possibility can not be overlooked.
Many women often complain and feel taken for granted for what they do around the home. And many women feel it perfectly legitimate to stonewall their husband, deny sex or whatever else as they mope around the house waiting for their husband to acknowledge them and all the work that they do. When the husband asks what's wrong they get the ubiquitous "nothing" or "if you can't figure it out I'm not gonna tell you".
But when the tables are turned, and it is the man who is being left out and taken for granted and cast aside, the very same women can not seem to understand why their husband is upset and moping around and grumpy or whatever.
Are either of these behaviors OK. No. But it happens all the time in life. And people have to recognize these times and go the extra mile and put forth the extra effort to try and mend the hurts of their spouse. In either direction husband to wife or wife to husband.
Women who believe that sex is not an extremely high importance to the husband/wife relationship should do a more in depth study of the differences and psychology between men and women. Just because women may not have this strong a sexual need does not mean that men do not have it (or that is is BS) and she needs to recognize this is an important part of most men. Just as a woman's need to talk and connect but a man does not have this same talking need gives him no right to ignore her need and he needs to recognize that important part of her.
Each individual is different, it is our duty as a spouse to do our best to find out what our spouses needs are, and to do our best to meet them. Will we fail, yes, But that is no excuse to not continue to strive to meet each others needs. Whatever they are, no matter whether we think they are crazy. We committed to them and that was our solemn promise. Even when they are childish, foolish, a jerk or a witch. "In good times or bad"...remember that little oath?
Still seem to be missing the point. It was NOT about that particular exact specific event. This most likely was the reaction of a long term simmering issue. This specific event is just the straw that broke the camels back.
I do agree that she should sit down and talk to her husband. It should be approached in the general sense rather than the specific situation. Because it is likely something that is eating at him and like I said the latest event was just the event that pulled trigger. It did not load the gun.
Every father knows that kids come first and are a high priority. That has nothing to do with losing complete priority of the husband. I do not think that many women understand how their actions affect when motherhood arrives. Women completely understand motherhood. They take to it like fish in water. Unfortunately this can exact a price as she becomes blinded and can not see the Forrest for the trees. However their husband is or can be lost completely in the shuffle by some women. And that possibility can not be overlooked.
Many women often complain and feel taken for granted for what they do around the home. And many women feel it perfectly legitimate to stonewall their husband, deny sex or whatever else as they mope around the house waiting for their husband to acknowledge them and all the work that they do. When the husband asks what's wrong they get the ubiquitous "nothing" or "if you can't figure it out I'm not gonna tell you".
But when the tables are turned, and it is the man who is being left out and taken for granted and cast aside, the very same women can not seem to understand why their husband is upset and moping around and grumpy or whatever.
Are either of these behaviors OK. No. But it happens all the time in life. And people have to recognize these times and go the extra mile and put forth the extra effort to try and mend the hurts of their spouse. In either direction husband to wife or wife to husband.
Women who believe that sex is not an extremely high importance to the husband/wife relationship should do a more in depth study of the differences and psychology between men and women. Just because women may not have this strong a sexual need does not mean that men do not have it (or that is is BS) and she needs to recognize this is an important part of most men. Just as a woman's need to talk and connect but a man does not have this same talking need gives him no right to ignore her need and he needs to recognize that important part of her.
Each individual is different, it is our duty as a spouse to do our best to find out what our spouses needs are, and to do our best to meet them. Will we fail, yes, But that is no excuse to not continue to strive to meet each others needs. Whatever they are, no matter whether we think they are crazy. We committed to them and that was our solemn promise. Even when they are childish, foolish, a jerk or a witch. "In good times or bad"...remember that little oath?
Luckily I have a husband who understands that the children come first...no matter what "emotional" state he's in. There have been many a night our adult time has been interrupted by crying kids.
Did he make me feel like sh!t for going to take care of OUR children? No. In fact sometimes HE'D go take care of them. Did he act like a child and roll over afterward? No, we picked up where we left off. A "man's needs" don't come before a childs. Children come first. If a man can't understand that well...I'd say let him wank it all he wants then.
Honestly I'd sit down with him and talk about it. It was immature and childish the way he acted and treated you. This mans gotta get what a man wants thing is absolute B.S. He should know his children come before anything. If play time is interrupted...oh well he's gotta wait a few minutes until the baby is calmed down. If he wants to be immature and childish and not be with his wife...well 2 can masturbate. I'd pick the lock, lay down with the lap top and start watching my own porn. OR watch it with him.
Did he make me feel like sh!t for going to take care of OUR children? No. In fact sometimes HE'D go take care of them. Did he act like a child and roll over afterward? No, we picked up where we left off. A "man's needs" don't come before a childs. Children come first. If a man can't understand that well...I'd say let him wank it all he wants then.
Honestly I'd sit down with him and talk about it. It was immature and childish the way he acted and treated you. This mans gotta get what a man wants thing is absolute B.S. He should know his children come before anything. If play time is interrupted...oh well he's gotta wait a few minutes until the baby is calmed down. If he wants to be immature and childish and not be with his wife...well 2 can masturbate. I'd pick the lock, lay down with the lap top and start watching my own porn. OR watch it with him.
With the baby sitter I was obviously talking about planning a night away for them to be alone. Not that very second that very night in the middle of the night. Gee whiz!
Obviously you missed the entire point I was trying to make.
Obviously you missed the entire point I was trying to make.
How are you going to drop the kids off at midnight to a baby sitter? At midnight the baby comes 1st. As a father even I know that.
Lots of things to say here.
First when he announced he was tired when he came home from work. He was telling you to have sex THEN. Not after some time or after the kids were in bed etc. Then he took 2nd fiddle to the other kids and the baby.
I know that baby's take time and priority. He knows this LOGICALLY too. However that is not carried through to his EMOTION.
When you got up an left, the damage was already done. He most likely felt that he was 2nd best if even that high. And this was most likely just the most recent slap in his face. I suspect that he has felt like this a LONG time. He may ALWAYS feel that he is not a priority in your life.
Sex is a HUGE need for a man. And not just in frequency but in quality. And quality by most men mean that their women is "into" them. That their women actually WANTS it, and DESIRES them. When they are put on hold, postponed, shunned, turned down, put on the back burner over and over again and the tired (understandably tired as any mother and new mother would be) is just going through the motions it is almost not even worth it.
Sure you were ready to go back at it. But he "was done" just like he said. He was not done with getting any sort of physical sexual satisfaction. He was telling you he was done with being 2nd or 3rd priority. And he'd just take care of things himself. Because that has the same quality. He shut the door and locked it most likely for 2 reasons. First he is probably embarrassed for doing what he was doing, and 2ndly he was locking you out physically the way he felt you were shutting him out emotionally.
I may be completely wrong but that is my perspective on the situation.
One thing you may want to consider is to get a babysitter or drop of the little one to stay somewhere for awhile and find a specific way to make time and ONLY be with him. Alone, no kids, no distractions. He is craving for you to give him respect. And with how busy you are you most likely have taken him for granted and unknowingly made him low priority. He feels that his hand will provide just as much intimacy as what he would have anyway.
I only say this because this is how 99% of the fathers I know feel. Most every man I know for some length of time feels guilty as he has this new bundle of joy that he has always wanted. But the result of that is the baby also took away from him his wife and intimacy with her. Many fathers are beating themselves up because they feel jealous of the baby for this feeling and they know it is wrong to feel that way. They will not tell anyone that they feel this way because it is unmanly and just feels inhumane to feel badly towards their own child. That sense of "wrongness" will be so strong that the one person in the world he would DEFINITELY under no circumstance tell this too would be his wife. Most men are extremely disappointed that their wives have to (from their perspective) "force" themselves to have sex or make it like a chore or task that just has to be checked off the "to-do" list with little to no difference than doing the dishes or vacuuming the floor or changing a diaper. Something that just "has" to be done. Not wanted or desired. And is treated as far away from something that they want to do. Rather it is something they have to complete. Other women just deny their husband which is even worse. In fact I would rate sexual denial on a constant basis as abuse.
I'm not saying that this is done intentionally, or by you specifically. It is just how most men feel.
I once heard a really good description/analogy of what a man is. A man is like a modern M1 Abrams tank. He appears and is strong on the outside, and can take a tremendous beating on the outside, he will go through thick and thin and go to hell and back and fight to the death for his family. But on the inside, where all the computers are, only a VERY, VERY select few are allowed in. And in the inside it is extremely vulnerable. Flailing around and whacking into things on the inside will do severe damage incredibly easily. Therefore he lets few people in, and they have to be very careful as to what button they push or what they hit.
For most men one of the few people they let in at any time is their wife. And a man is most vulnerable when sex is involved. Because men show emotion/love physically, They connect with their wife in an intimate sense and emotional sense physically and there is no more intimate way then physically connecting through sexual intimacy. When a man lets himself open up and let you fully into his battle tank, into the tender insides he is extremely vulnerable. And in your situation he let you in, and when the baby cried you did the equivalent to jumping out of the drivers seat of his tank, jump out through the top turret door, removed the pin from a hand grenade and dropped it in the open door, shut it and left the scene. While you were in the other room, the grenade went off and completely disabled the effectiveness of the tank. He had to limp back off the battle field in shame.
Sure you came back ready to continue the battle, but he was already out of commission.
If that scene continues for very many battles, he will not only think he lost a battle, but he will have given up hope on the war. And he will be unwilling to open up the hatch to let you in anymore.
Women please do not overlook the incredible power you have with the very being of your husband with regard to sex. Most women know of the power of sex as a tool. But they do not know the damage they do when they use sex as a tool to manipulate rather than using that most beautiful tool to really connect and become emotionally connected to their husband. Any time you use the tool to either manipulate or to use it as some sort of requirement, the man will likely still react in order to get sex. However what you do not see is the damage you do each time that is done.
First when he announced he was tired when he came home from work. He was telling you to have sex THEN. Not after some time or after the kids were in bed etc. Then he took 2nd fiddle to the other kids and the baby.
I know that baby's take time and priority. He knows this LOGICALLY too. However that is not carried through to his EMOTION.
When you got up an left, the damage was already done. He most likely felt that he was 2nd best if even that high. And this was most likely just the most recent slap in his face. I suspect that he has felt like this a LONG time. He may ALWAYS feel that he is not a priority in your life.
Sex is a HUGE need for a man. And not just in frequency but in quality. And quality by most men mean that their women is "into" them. That their women actually WANTS it, and DESIRES them. When they are put on hold, postponed, shunned, turned down, put on the back burner over and over again and the tired (understandably tired as any mother and new mother would be) is just going through the motions it is almost not even worth it.
Sure you were ready to go back at it. But he "was done" just like he said. He was not done with getting any sort of physical sexual satisfaction. He was telling you he was done with being 2nd or 3rd priority. And he'd just take care of things himself. Because that has the same quality. He shut the door and locked it most likely for 2 reasons. First he is probably embarrassed for doing what he was doing, and 2ndly he was locking you out physically the way he felt you were shutting him out emotionally.
I may be completely wrong but that is my perspective on the situation.
One thing you may want to consider is to get a babysitter or drop of the little one to stay somewhere for awhile and find a specific way to make time and ONLY be with him. Alone, no kids, no distractions. He is craving for you to give him respect. And with how busy you are you most likely have taken him for granted and unknowingly made him low priority. He feels that his hand will provide just as much intimacy as what he would have anyway.
I only say this because this is how 99% of the fathers I know feel. Most every man I know for some length of time feels guilty as he has this new bundle of joy that he has always wanted. But the result of that is the baby also took away from him his wife and intimacy with her. Many fathers are beating themselves up because they feel jealous of the baby for this feeling and they know it is wrong to feel that way. They will not tell anyone that they feel this way because it is unmanly and just feels inhumane to feel badly towards their own child. That sense of "wrongness" will be so strong that the one person in the world he would DEFINITELY under no circumstance tell this too would be his wife. Most men are extremely disappointed that their wives have to (from their perspective) "force" themselves to have sex or make it like a chore or task that just has to be checked off the "to-do" list with little to no difference than doing the dishes or vacuuming the floor or changing a diaper. Something that just "has" to be done. Not wanted or desired. And is treated as far away from something that they want to do. Rather it is something they have to complete. Other women just deny their husband which is even worse. In fact I would rate sexual denial on a constant basis as abuse.
I'm not saying that this is done intentionally, or by you specifically. It is just how most men feel.
I once heard a really good description/analogy of what a man is. A man is like a modern M1 Abrams tank. He appears and is strong on the outside, and can take a tremendous beating on the outside, he will go through thick and thin and go to hell and back and fight to the death for his family. But on the inside, where all the computers are, only a VERY, VERY select few are allowed in. And in the inside it is extremely vulnerable. Flailing around and whacking into things on the inside will do severe damage incredibly easily. Therefore he lets few people in, and they have to be very careful as to what button they push or what they hit.
For most men one of the few people they let in at any time is their wife. And a man is most vulnerable when sex is involved. Because men show emotion/love physically, They connect with their wife in an intimate sense and emotional sense physically and there is no more intimate way then physically connecting through sexual intimacy. When a man lets himself open up and let you fully into his battle tank, into the tender insides he is extremely vulnerable. And in your situation he let you in, and when the baby cried you did the equivalent to jumping out of the drivers seat of his tank, jump out through the top turret door, removed the pin from a hand grenade and dropped it in the open door, shut it and left the scene. While you were in the other room, the grenade went off and completely disabled the effectiveness of the tank. He had to limp back off the battle field in shame.
Sure you came back ready to continue the battle, but he was already out of commission.
If that scene continues for very many battles, he will not only think he lost a battle, but he will have given up hope on the war. And he will be unwilling to open up the hatch to let you in anymore.
Women please do not overlook the incredible power you have with the very being of your husband with regard to sex. Most women know of the power of sex as a tool. But they do not know the damage they do when they use sex as a tool to manipulate rather than using that most beautiful tool to really connect and become emotionally connected to their husband. Any time you use the tool to either manipulate or to use it as some sort of requirement, the man will likely still react in order to get sex. However what you do not see is the damage you do each time that is done.
You sound like a good guy. Thanks for the advice.
1 Comments
I think u should either just lay him down and u jump up on top of him or go and take care of yourself, and never be to mad to rub one out ,always makes things better
Ok so i put the baby back to sleep and the baby stayed asleep. I was ready for a rematch. He acted like he was tired so I just left the room to cool down and let him sleep. I had not climaxed yet either but was very close. So he actually ended up masturbating until like 2am! so much for acting like he was tired.
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For us, we just let our daughter cry and try to finish up. If she sounds really upset, I end up missing out though, cause wifey gets hers first, lol.