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Unable to have sex with husband

Husband unable to have sex with me. We have tried different positions. None of them work. He us unable to penetrate me. He does tell me he has never had this much trouble having sex with other women. I have to beg for him to even try sex with me. Ed pills dont work for him either. I feel its me something wrong with me. He isnt sexually attracted to me. I need advice. I dont want to have sexual feelings anymore
2 Responses
Avatar universal
So sorry to hear this, obviously very frustrating for you & you may feel somewhat humiliated if you think he’s not attracted to you.
Before anyone offers any advice, it might be helpful to have a little more info.
First, we assume he’s not able to have erections sufficient for intercourse - is that correct? How  old are you & your husband? Also, how long have you been married? Did you previously have good sexual relations? Is this something that’s only started to happen recently, or has it been going on for awhile? You mention that he claims he didn’t have problems with other women. Do you know for sure that’s true? Were you able to have successful encounters before marriage?
Also, please don’t be offended by this (some women are uncomfortable with it), but most men masturbate, whether in a relationship or not, and most of the time it’s NOT a reflection of how he feels about you, and is usually not a problem unless he’s turning down sex with you & prefers to masturbate. Even if that’s the case, it may not mean he’s not attracted to you, it may just be thatveith madturbation, he’s not concerned with his ‘performance’ & there’s no worry about losing an erection, so some guys will retreat into a ‘safer’, less pressure-filled alternative. Do you know if he does, and if so, is he able to achieve full erections? This is not a frivolous question & it’s important to know the answer. If he can achieve full erections by himself, then it’s likely he doesn’t have a physical problem & this may be more psychological than physical. Also, if he frequently looks at porn, some guys become rather addicted to it & develop so-called ‘porn-induced ED’, where they only get turned on enuf by using it.
If he’s an older guy, it may be that he’s beginning to suffer from ED & many guys are so embarrassed by this that they’d rather just avoid sex than try & fail, which is humiliating for most guys.
Please provide a few more details, your history together, etc., and I think some of us may have a better chance to offer helpful advice.
1 Comments
I have had successful encounters before.  2nd marriage for us both.  Problems have been there since rhe beginning. First year together he never touched me. Always had an excuse. I thought maybe he was nervous new relationship.  I dont know if he pleasures himself.  I really feel he only has problems with me.  Need to know how to make sexual feelings go away.  I know longer ask or try to intiate sex.  
Avatar universal
A couple more thoughts on this - first, it sounds like you guys don’t have very good communication. I think you too need to sit down & have a very good discussion, in a very open, accepting & loving way. Tell him you really love him, that you’re really missing the physical lovemaking, and that you understand he has a prblm, but let him know you don’t think less of him as a man for it, and ask what the 2 of you can do to help. Ask him every frankly if he masturbates - not in an accusing or disapproving way, tell him you’re OK with it, and that if he’s able to have usable erections that way, that this is a good sign  that things are actually working well. Tell him you are willing & eager to stimulate him in any way he finds pleasing, so that he might get a decent erection.
I cdnt tell from your answer if the 2 of you have ever had successful encounters. You said you did, but what about the two of you? My advice is, don’t try to lose your sex drive - that’s not the solution. For one thing, you do have the option of pleasing yourself if none of these suggestions help..
I sincerely hope you can find a workable solution to this, sounds line it’s putting a big strain on your marriage. You could also try sexual counseling if he'll agree to it...
1 Comments
Forgot to add - even if he has ED & is not able to have intercourse, he can learn to please you in other ways - manually, orally, etc. Also, many men are not aware that they can still get sexual pleasure & orgasm from stimulation of the penis even if not fully erect, in fact, even when completely flaccid. I hope the two of you don’t just give up on sex - there are many things you can both do for each other even if intercourse is not in the picture. You both need to be open-minded about it, be willing to talk openly w/out blame or guilt, and be willing to experiment a little & see what works. I wish you both the best...
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