gay

[bobjsparrow]

i am gay but due to social conditions of my country,i got married to a female,now i am having sex problems,she feels i am impotent, and does not know that i am gay.what should i do.how should i overcome the erection problem

[heatherlynn22]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. it is most certainly NOT fair to you! If you have absolutely no choice but to remain married to this woman you can talk to your doctor about viagra as some of the others have suggested or some other ed type of medication.

[thebetrayedone]

Felicity,
I agree that in a free society a gay man should never attempt to go against his nature and have sex with a woman, much less marry her.

On the other hand, not all nations on Earth are free.  Many have outlawed homosexual acts (heck, the USA had some states where it was still against the law as recently as the 1960s!) punishable by life in prison or execution.  Examples of this are Iran, Saudi Arabia, and several African nations.  

Thus, we must let the OP decide what is best for himself and his safety, first.  I agree it ***** and isn't fair.  But telling the woman that he is gay may open him up to severe punishment simply because of his nature, and we must respect that and the pressure it puts on him.

[Felicity1000]

I really feel for you. BUT you do need to see that you are really being unfair by deceiving another person. You are coming at it from the wrong angle: If you are fully gay (not bi) there is NO WAY you are going to ever want a woman sexually (like the other guy said above it is like a straight man trying to have sex with another man). So you will never be able to offer her a complete marriage. What happens if you finally decide you can't take it any more and leave after several years? Then your wife is a few years older it will be harder for her to find someone else  - even in Western countries it is harder for a woman to find a man the older she gets. I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN BEFORE AND IT RUINS LIVES. I am sure your situation is hard for you - but please think what you are doing to this person you have made vows to... you are not doing the best for her - basically you are stealing her time. If I were your wife I would be very angry that I was being faithful to you (assuming she is) and dedicating my life to you when you knew that you could not return the same level of commitment. If you love each other I think you should trust her and respect her by telling her. Then at least she has the choice to stay with you and work it out. If it were me and I really loved you as a person and you were a good husband and friend in all other ways to me -  I would most probably stay in the marriage as best friends and companions and allow you to have sexual experiences with men while I also took other lovers.  I would still love you and I would understand even if I was hurt as long as you told me the truth - it is not your fault, but it is your fault that you are deceiving her. Sex is not everything - commitment and spiritual love is the most important thing speaking as a woman. But you do need to give her the option of deciding whether she wants to stay with you - it is just REALLY NOT FAIR otherwise.

good luck

[thebetrayedone]

I feel sorry for  you, my friend.  If your government is oppressive of gay couples, I can only imagine the plight of gay men.  First of all, it is not abnormal and it is 100% natural to be gay.  Second, since you are now married, try different positions which will make her more "manly", like reverse cowgirl and doggie style.  Also, if she shaves her legs, tell her to not do so, that will make the skin seem more rough.  Finally, if she shaves her vagina, tell her not to.  If it is not against the law, ask her if you can have anal sex with her, and buy lubricant.

I cannot begin to fathom the difficulty you are facing.  If your wife and you are friends and you feel you can talk to her about anything, over time, tell her.  She may just be into having two men have sex with her at hte same time (you have sex with another man, while he has sex with her).  


Of course, never put yourself in physical danger or break any laws which would threaten yourself.  And if you and your wife start having multiple partners, always practice safe sex.

[mjbrown]

Barefootand's suggestion about Viagra is a good possibility you might want to look into!

[barefootand]

Have you tried some thing like Viagra to get you up?
With these stimulants you dont need to be horney.

Idont know ehat is worse for you being impudent or gay. In my country gay people get maried to each other. Its nice.

[mjbrown]

There is no easy answer to this. I am sorry that you are faced with oppressive social conditions and stigma in your country that prevents you from being who you truly are. Unfortunately, if you are not attracted to the women, it is going to be difficult enjoying sex with your wife. The only thing I can think of to help with your current problem is to use your imagination during sex. I wish there were something else I could tell you, but there is no way to stop being gay. It like trying to get a straight man to enjoy sex with another man. If he's not into it, he just won't be into it.

All the best..