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Masturbating in my sleep, husband PISSED, I’m FREAKED!

Last night, all I remember is my husband waking me up from a horrible nightmare trying to get some. I was so freaked out and had no idea what was going on- I remember getting upset, not at him but because of the dream and having that “I don’t know where I am or what’s going on” feeling. He got all upset, and I cried myself to sleep. I only have flash memories of it this morning, but he was being very nasty and cold. He just came in the room and FLIPPED, saying I neglect him because I’m taking care of myself. I have no idea what he’s talking about! He said I was masturbating in my sleep and woke him up, but I don’t remember any of this!  I said he was wrong and my nightmare probably woke him up but he swears that wasn’t it, and that it’s happened plenty of times in the past. He now won’t talk to me, thinking I’m doing this on purpose! He’s tried waking me up before, always saying I woke him up but it’s always when I’m having a nightmare. I don’t remember any sexual dreams, or even a positive dream, in fact it was a horrible, horrible dream. And I certainly don’t remember masturbating! He’s now convinced I’m purposely neglecting him and taking care of myself, and I don’t know what to do! It scares me because I don’t remember any of this. He won’t listen to me and doesn’t believe me, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t drink, but I do take melatonin at night before bed- 6g-9g. Is this even possible? How can I stop? I am so freaked out by this and don’t know what to do.
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Avatar universal
It is possible your husband is right.  Suggest you seek marital counseling.  Might also discuss with your doc to ensure no untreated med issues.  You can fix this.
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2 Comments
Thank you, I do believe him, but it freaks me out a lot because I have no memory other than the terror from the nightmare and him waking me up and being so upset. I was so disoriented, and he doesn't believe I don't remember, so I don't even know how to broach the subject. Just thinking about this happening in my sleep without me knowing puts such a rock in my stomach
So it seems there are a couple of different things happening here.

First is nightmares, maybe even night terrors. That's something that you need to address with your doctor, maybe a therapist, depending on the cause. Can you sleep without the melatonin? If you google "melatonin nightmares", there are lots of articles about it possibly causing and/or contributing to them. It may or may not be the cause for you.

The second issue is your marriage, and that your husband doesn't believe you on face value, that he thinks masturbation means you are "neglecting him", even if you were doing it voluntarily, and now he's actually mad at you and is now punishing you with the silent treatment, like a child might, instead of calmly discussing things with you like an adult. He's also not concerned that you are having disturbing dreams. He's putting all of his own feelings ahead of yours, and you're the one who's having disturbing events.

So my suggestion would be to first talk to your doctor about what's happening in your sleep. There are other sleep meds to try if you need assistance with sleeping. Ask for a referral to a counselor. If your husband won't go, go alone. You can get help working through these dreams, and get some support for dealing with your husband.

As to how to broach it with him, well, my approach might be different than yours, since I would tell him to grow up, stop acting like a child, and you could use a hug because this is really scary for you. But really, you could just tell him that you are sad and hurt that he doesn't trust you, you need his support because you are having scary dreams that you don't really remember, and you need a hug (or whatever you need from him). Use your own words in your natural voice, but find your voice and use it.

You might also want to post in our Relationships forum about the relationship part of all this - https://www.medhelp.org/forums/Relationships/show/78

Let us know what your doctor says and good luck. :)
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