Aa
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Sorry! Needed to start a new post as it was taking ages for the other one to load. One of the joys of living in the country and being at the very end of a line.
Have you thought about asking for respite while your T is away? Would that help to take some pressure off you?
Have you thought about asking for respite while your T is away? Would that help to take some pressure off you?
I do that with everyone if they let me down i only see the bad but it makes it easier that way instead of feeling hurt over them. I have pushed my therapist away i know i have, i felt i had to because if he isn't going to treat me anymore then there was no point me needing him. I think i actually told him that as well i told him that he could say a hundred good things to me and one bad thing and i will remember the bad thing and i will obsess about it for days and then i forget all the good things he did say, he said he knew that i do that.
You are right about the way it works with my treatment team i either have one or the other, i would have felt closer to my therapist and i shut my social worker out but now i am closer to her, well as close as i get, i am more afraid of her she would admit me to hospital quicker than he would. I used to be really close to him and he could do no wrong but lately i have felt different but in a way if i really think about it i miss him but i don't want to get to close because he can't help me and i have to leave him.
Its good you take the medication when you need it, that is alot though i could never do that, i took one day of the antibiotic and no more i still feel ill, its my own fault though.
I am allergic to different stuff, exffeor an anti depressdant not spelt right. The injection used to thin my blood and they told me i was the first ever case they had never met anyone allergic to it before, anti-sickness medication to stop me vomitting when i had the clot i lost 10lbs in 3 days, not a bad thing though. Another form of the medication i take now its a dopamine agonist and it made me very ill, i take the newer type of the drug, but the doctor told me alot of people couldn't cope with it either. I was reading about the medication i take trying to convince myself its making me ill, but in reality i don't think it does i,ve only been taking it 15mths but i have had mental health problems for 17yrs so i'm just being stupid.
I don't like the medication controlling me thats why i won't take them, if i panic now then its me if i take medication then i worry its the medication causing it, i know i'm strange.
Thanks for all your help everything is starting to look alot clearer about bpd.
Can i ask why did you access your medical notes?
Good luck with the bathroom sounds like hardwork, i hope you get it finished ok.
I hope you have a good day. Take care
You are right about the way it works with my treatment team i either have one or the other, i would have felt closer to my therapist and i shut my social worker out but now i am closer to her, well as close as i get, i am more afraid of her she would admit me to hospital quicker than he would. I used to be really close to him and he could do no wrong but lately i have felt different but in a way if i really think about it i miss him but i don't want to get to close because he can't help me and i have to leave him.
Its good you take the medication when you need it, that is alot though i could never do that, i took one day of the antibiotic and no more i still feel ill, its my own fault though.
I am allergic to different stuff, exffeor an anti depressdant not spelt right. The injection used to thin my blood and they told me i was the first ever case they had never met anyone allergic to it before, anti-sickness medication to stop me vomitting when i had the clot i lost 10lbs in 3 days, not a bad thing though. Another form of the medication i take now its a dopamine agonist and it made me very ill, i take the newer type of the drug, but the doctor told me alot of people couldn't cope with it either. I was reading about the medication i take trying to convince myself its making me ill, but in reality i don't think it does i,ve only been taking it 15mths but i have had mental health problems for 17yrs so i'm just being stupid.
I don't like the medication controlling me thats why i won't take them, if i panic now then its me if i take medication then i worry its the medication causing it, i know i'm strange.
Thanks for all your help everything is starting to look alot clearer about bpd.
Can i ask why did you access your medical notes?
Good luck with the bathroom sounds like hardwork, i hope you get it finished ok.
I hope you have a good day. Take care
Obsessing will definitely keep you feeling anxious.
People with bpd can have problems with object constancy. That is when someone is away they can't form mental images of that person. That is like what you are describing with your T. Check out object constancy for a more accurate description.
I think what you are doing is splitting him off. Splitting is another primitive defense mechanism used by people with bpd, etc. I think that the pain of losing him is so great that you push him away or make him all bad.
The feelings you describe when your T is away are those pertaining to abandonment.
When I had that good T she insisted on being the only person to see me. With others in your treatment team it is easy to split. Effectively everybody starts working against each other.
You should have seen the number of drugs I was taking recently. I'm anti-meds right and I was taking my asthma inhalers, lorazepam (for anxiety and sleep), antibiotics and a cream (for my infected finger), iron tablets (for iron deficiency) and tranexamic acid (at the start of my period (4 a day for 3 days) for blood loss. It was exhausting.
What I think you are doing is transferring a lot of your feelings onto the meds. Some people actually like taking meds because they feel that it is their doctor showing concern for them. Other people don't like feeling that the med is controlling them.
When I was sectioned for severe depression I was forced to take meds and then was given another med to combat the drug reactions. Crazy.
Do you know what substance(s) you are allergic too? If you knew this then you could check and make sure it wasn't an ingredient in the stuff you are currently being asked to take.
The bathroom which I thought was progressing OK has turned out a bit ?wonky. My father and brother were to have straightened the walls and ceilings, so the gib is flat, but I think they did a boo boo somewhere.
The plasterers might come tomorrow or Wednesday and the plumber either tomorrow or Thursday.
Can't wait til the place is finished properly.
I hope you're feeling better again tomorrow.
People with bpd can have problems with object constancy. That is when someone is away they can't form mental images of that person. That is like what you are describing with your T. Check out object constancy for a more accurate description.
I think what you are doing is splitting him off. Splitting is another primitive defense mechanism used by people with bpd, etc. I think that the pain of losing him is so great that you push him away or make him all bad.
The feelings you describe when your T is away are those pertaining to abandonment.
When I had that good T she insisted on being the only person to see me. With others in your treatment team it is easy to split. Effectively everybody starts working against each other.
You should have seen the number of drugs I was taking recently. I'm anti-meds right and I was taking my asthma inhalers, lorazepam (for anxiety and sleep), antibiotics and a cream (for my infected finger), iron tablets (for iron deficiency) and tranexamic acid (at the start of my period (4 a day for 3 days) for blood loss. It was exhausting.
What I think you are doing is transferring a lot of your feelings onto the meds. Some people actually like taking meds because they feel that it is their doctor showing concern for them. Other people don't like feeling that the med is controlling them.
When I was sectioned for severe depression I was forced to take meds and then was given another med to combat the drug reactions. Crazy.
Do you know what substance(s) you are allergic too? If you knew this then you could check and make sure it wasn't an ingredient in the stuff you are currently being asked to take.
The bathroom which I thought was progressing OK has turned out a bit ?wonky. My father and brother were to have straightened the walls and ceilings, so the gib is flat, but I think they did a boo boo somewhere.
The plasterers might come tomorrow or Wednesday and the plumber either tomorrow or Thursday.
Can't wait til the place is finished properly.
I hope you're feeling better again tomorrow.
I think you thought it from the first time i was on here. Yeah they probably won't tell me, i think i scare them as it is, even the psychiatrist said i need to stop scaring them and work with them i said i have been trying. I keep thinking then i am wrong and they don't think that but then i think why would he give me the questionaire, i need to stop thinking about it.
At least i know i won't be leaving my therapist for a while as long as he does something useful though instead of just talking to me. Can i ask you something it says that people with bpd don't deal well with seperation, would that mean that when i don't see my therapist for a while even if its only for a week or don't talk to him i feel like i don't know him anymore like he is a stranger or is that me just being weird. Now that he is of on holiday i try not to think about him to me he's not there for me anymore i kind of felt like that since he said he wanted me to see someone else or is that normal? Also with my social worker at times i feel ok with her and i tell her alot but the next time i am totally shut of again, i can really see why they are frustrated with me.
The antibiotics are starting to work but i panicked last night i felt like i have been taking to much medication and i took my pituiatry one as well and then i panicked and blamed it, no pleasing me. I have talked it through with my social worker about the medication, because i have been allergic to alot of stuff i won't take new stuff, she tries to tell me it will be ok but i don't really believe them, its very scary to be allergic to medication and i'm not willing to try, when i was ill with the blood clot i was allergic to the blood thinning medication and the anti sickness medication so that really put me of.
I hope you got your bathroom finished sounds like your busy.
Take care.
At least i know i won't be leaving my therapist for a while as long as he does something useful though instead of just talking to me. Can i ask you something it says that people with bpd don't deal well with seperation, would that mean that when i don't see my therapist for a while even if its only for a week or don't talk to him i feel like i don't know him anymore like he is a stranger or is that me just being weird. Now that he is of on holiday i try not to think about him to me he's not there for me anymore i kind of felt like that since he said he wanted me to see someone else or is that normal? Also with my social worker at times i feel ok with her and i tell her alot but the next time i am totally shut of again, i can really see why they are frustrated with me.
The antibiotics are starting to work but i panicked last night i felt like i have been taking to much medication and i took my pituiatry one as well and then i panicked and blamed it, no pleasing me. I have talked it through with my social worker about the medication, because i have been allergic to alot of stuff i won't take new stuff, she tries to tell me it will be ok but i don't really believe them, its very scary to be allergic to medication and i'm not willing to try, when i was ill with the blood clot i was allergic to the blood thinning medication and the anti sickness medication so that really put me of.
I hope you got your bathroom finished sounds like your busy.
Take care.
I hope the antibiotic works too. I wouldn't be mucking around with my physical health if I could help it. Maybe working with someone as to what is preventing you from taking the meds would be a good idea. ??
Just some of the things you said the doctor said make me think that they think it could be bpd. I don't think they will tell you. I had to access my medical records to find out my diagnosis. Once I saw it it threw me into a crisis. Perhaps your treatment team are afraid of that happening.
Containment is a hard one to describe. For me I only started to understand containment when I had three therapy sessions per week. For me it meant that I could leave stuff with my T. Like you know how you stress about seeing your T. Well containment would mean that you talk to him about your feelings and then outside the therapy session you don't think about them, or think about them much.
I'll explain it for you another day. hopefully a bit better and when I have a little more time. Today has been pretty full on trying to get our bathroom done so the plasterers can come and plaster it.
I hope you're better tomorrow/ today now for you.
Just some of the things you said the doctor said make me think that they think it could be bpd. I don't think they will tell you. I had to access my medical records to find out my diagnosis. Once I saw it it threw me into a crisis. Perhaps your treatment team are afraid of that happening.
Containment is a hard one to describe. For me I only started to understand containment when I had three therapy sessions per week. For me it meant that I could leave stuff with my T. Like you know how you stress about seeing your T. Well containment would mean that you talk to him about your feelings and then outside the therapy session you don't think about them, or think about them much.
I'll explain it for you another day. hopefully a bit better and when I have a little more time. Today has been pretty full on trying to get our bathroom done so the plasterers can come and plaster it.
I hope you're better tomorrow/ today now for you.
The more i read about it the more i agree with you, it describes very well, but maybe they won't tell me that, but anyway if they are trying to help me i suppose it doesn't matter if they tell me or not, i always like to know everything though that is one of my biggest problems. He also said they will try to intergrate my emotions together whatever that means and he used a word you use sometimes contain he said they need to contain me, again i don't know what he meant, so you are probably right about it being bpd.
I had to go the doctor today again i have tonsilitis i haven't eaten in three days and i can hardly swallow he said i should have been taking the medication i told him i was afraid so he gave me an antibiotic i had before so that i would take it, so at last i can hopefully get better. I went to see a movie last night and panicked i hate that the movie was good though its called Twilight, eclipse.
Still feeling really ill today but i have started the medication so i hope they work soon.
How are things with you? Take care
I had to go the doctor today again i have tonsilitis i haven't eaten in three days and i can hardly swallow he said i should have been taking the medication i told him i was afraid so he gave me an antibiotic i had before so that i would take it, so at last i can hopefully get better. I went to see a movie last night and panicked i hate that the movie was good though its called Twilight, eclipse.
Still feeling really ill today but i have started the medication so i hope they work soon.
How are things with you? Take care
I would say bpd, not because I have been diagnosed with, just seems to fit best.
Need to go and gib (put plasterboard on the ceiling).
Need to go and gib (put plasterboard on the ceiling).
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