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Graves Disease is ripping my marriage apart
Hello,
My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.
I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.
It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.
Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.
My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.
Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM
My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.
I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.
It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.
Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.
My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.
Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM
I say this with respect, but your attitude needs to change. I am also like your wife, and my husband immersed himself and learning about this issue, and that our lives will never be the same.
Dear Doug......I am not bashing you, but so many of my "Thyroid Cancer Sisters" have husbands like you, some walk out because they can't take it. Please don't be one of those if you truly love your wife.
If you doubt your love for her, the best thing you can do for both of you is get out so that she can hopefully one day find someone empathetic enough to realize they have to change too.
I wish you the best of luck, even though this post if 5 years old. Hope you've stepped up to bat and learned to support you're wife.
No one hates our behavior and feelings more than we do.
Dear Doug......I am not bashing you, but so many of my "Thyroid Cancer Sisters" have husbands like you, some walk out because they can't take it. Please don't be one of those if you truly love your wife.
If you doubt your love for her, the best thing you can do for both of you is get out so that she can hopefully one day find someone empathetic enough to realize they have to change too.
I wish you the best of luck, even though this post if 5 years old. Hope you've stepped up to bat and learned to support you're wife.
No one hates our behavior and feelings more than we do.
Hello
Spent all day in bed yesterday - so no contact with the world!
Dr agreed for me to have blood test for Free T3 and Free T4. She did not want to commit herself to commenting on thyroid issues - have to wait to see specialist.
I began my course of anti-depressants yesterday and have some Valium if things get difficult whilst they are kicking in.
Feel so tired, unmotivated and wonder what will happen next.
Spent all day in bed yesterday - so no contact with the world!
Dr agreed for me to have blood test for Free T3 and Free T4. She did not want to commit herself to commenting on thyroid issues - have to wait to see specialist.
I began my course of anti-depressants yesterday and have some Valium if things get difficult whilst they are kicking in.
Feel so tired, unmotivated and wonder what will happen next.
I fully understand the difficulty in getting adequately tested and treated in the UK. However, it is possible. Note this piece of advice from a fellow UK member who was successful.
"What I have learned from my experience is that you have to go to the Dr's office and TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT and to go backed up with knowledge. You have to tell them that you have done your reading and looked into your condition and care about the long-term treatment of your health and thyroid. If you fight for what you want, you will eventually find someone that is happy to go along with your wishes. But we all have to take charge of our own health, right?"
So my best suggestion is to be forceful in requesting to be tested for Free T3 and Free T4. Tell the doctor that you also want to be treated clinically by testing and adjusting free T3 and free T4 as necessary to relieve symptoms, without being constrained by resultant tSH levels. Take a copy of this letter to the doctor and tell him that is what you need.
http://hormonerestoration.com/files/ThyroidPMD.pdf
"What I have learned from my experience is that you have to go to the Dr's office and TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT and to go backed up with knowledge. You have to tell them that you have done your reading and looked into your condition and care about the long-term treatment of your health and thyroid. If you fight for what you want, you will eventually find someone that is happy to go along with your wishes. But we all have to take charge of our own health, right?"
So my best suggestion is to be forceful in requesting to be tested for Free T3 and Free T4. Tell the doctor that you also want to be treated clinically by testing and adjusting free T3 and free T4 as necessary to relieve symptoms, without being constrained by resultant tSH levels. Take a copy of this letter to the doctor and tell him that is what you need.
http://hormonerestoration.com/files/ThyroidPMD.pdf
HelloThank u so much for your concern and information.
I live in the UK so not sure if GP will agree to all testings, but will try.
I did have a T3 test last year, not sure if that is the free T3 but that was within normal!
I asked her before if I could be re-tested and she did agree.
I am due there in just over an hour. THANKS AGAIN.
I live in the UK so not sure if GP will agree to all testings, but will try.
I did have a T3 test last year, not sure if that is the free T3 but that was within normal!
I asked her before if I could be re-tested and she did agree.
I am due there in just over an hour. THANKS AGAIN.
Your load is more than anyone should have to handle. I'm sure that the knowledgeable and experienced members here can be of help to you. The first thing you need to do is to be tested for the biologically active thyroid hormones, which are Free T3 and Free T4 (not the same as Total T3 and Total T4). You can also ask to be tested for the possibility of Hashi's. Those tests for thyroid antibodies are TPO ab and TG ab. In addition, I would suggest testing for Vitamin D, B12, ferritin, a full iron test panel, zinc, and selenium. If the doctor resists testing for the Free t3 and Free T4, and only wants to test for TSH, or the Totals, then you should insist on the Frees and don't take no for an answer.
I won't get into all the reasons behind these suggestions right now because I want to make sure you see this as soon as possible, and before your appointment.
When test results are available, please get a copy of the lab report and post test results and their reference ranges shown on the report and members will be glad to help interpret and advise further.
I won't get into all the reasons behind these suggestions right now because I want to make sure you see this as soon as possible, and before your appointment.
When test results are available, please get a copy of the lab report and post test results and their reference ranges shown on the report and members will be glad to help interpret and advise further.
Hello to you and everyone!
I am on this forum for 1st time and it has given me some hope ....
MY STORY
4 years ago I was divorced after 30 years, moved away from friends and grown children, lost my job, dad died, ended up in counselling, visiting doctors frequently, on and off anti-depressants.
September 2010 re-married, v. happy - although still depression battling, on and off medication. Had Shingles for short time - stress induced.
2011 - GP diagnosed under-active thyroid as I had been complaining of fatigue, depression seemed worse etc. etc. I remember crying with relief to know what seemed to be causing my problems.
Thyroxene meds only - up and down, but still struggling with how I was feeling. Worked for 4 mnths last year and had to leave, stress again. Came off anti-depressants July 2011 as felt wanted to cope on own.
My dearest mummy passed away 3 September 2011. Sent me into tailspin. For a while blamed my state to grief and no doubt it had lots to do with it, but early this year seemed to really be getting bad. I began to wonder what was wrong with me. More visits to doctor and tests of thyroid levels - normal!! Told I am menopausal and depresssed with my thyroid probs and difficult to separate issues. My mum was also hypothyroid, but seemed ok on her meds.
Have suffered over last four years with constant anxiety - racing heart - feeling like something was wrong.
I took anxiety pills for 2 months end of Jan to March but stopped because felt not helping other than sedating and even took extra few times to make myself sleep away everything!
Meanwhile - I am losing the plot emotionally and mentally - reading up constantly on thyroid issues, my poor husband coping with a woman who has so changed - I withdraw from everyone, cant cope with friends, when really bad - do not want to speak with my children, have become at times a recluse retreating to bedroom. We have lodgers and I have decided I dont want them around - one lady is convinced I hate her! I am and have been an outgoing, warm and caring girl, now life feels one nightmare and I cant trust my own mind/thoughts.
2 weeks ago - saw a different doctor with my husband and told her I wanted to be referred to specialist - symptoms of my underactive thyroid present and new ones - aching hips in bed, etc. Blood tests came back normal again for TSH etc. However, I requested a Cholestrol test - never had one before - result. 7.6 v. high -she said not lifestyle related, I knew that as I eat ok, read up that elevation is also caused by thyroid disorder - even those mis-managed.
TO DATE - am seeing doctor today, discussing anti-depressants again - as I am desperate to get emotions under control, whilst waiting Endo's appointment. I will be telling her about my swallowing last few weeks, feel enlarged thyroid in throat - my mental stability even worse. Crashing frequently - crying for hours on end and even last week, screaming at my husband, his two young teenage daughters heard me, and were so scared went home and wont come back to visit.
Attended family event yesterday, son of 21 returned home from abroad 2 years, managed to survive until evening - but then broke down sobbing and my 25 and 27 year old girls saw me as I am at home but not usually with them. I have had 5 children, one grandson, so much to be happy about. Divorce was traumatic and residual effects are still there for some of family, one son who is very distant - so these background thing make being ill all the more difficult.
My bed is my ZONE - I retreat there when things get bad and try to escape by sleeping.
I am just wondering if I may have this Hashmito Disorder, but know I have too get answers and treatment - feel like I am not living properly - no desire to pursue interests etc. I am 56 on Saturday!
Would be interested to hear from you/anyone else.
Kind regards
Beverley
I am on this forum for 1st time and it has given me some hope ....
MY STORY
4 years ago I was divorced after 30 years, moved away from friends and grown children, lost my job, dad died, ended up in counselling, visiting doctors frequently, on and off anti-depressants.
September 2010 re-married, v. happy - although still depression battling, on and off medication. Had Shingles for short time - stress induced.
2011 - GP diagnosed under-active thyroid as I had been complaining of fatigue, depression seemed worse etc. etc. I remember crying with relief to know what seemed to be causing my problems.
Thyroxene meds only - up and down, but still struggling with how I was feeling. Worked for 4 mnths last year and had to leave, stress again. Came off anti-depressants July 2011 as felt wanted to cope on own.
My dearest mummy passed away 3 September 2011. Sent me into tailspin. For a while blamed my state to grief and no doubt it had lots to do with it, but early this year seemed to really be getting bad. I began to wonder what was wrong with me. More visits to doctor and tests of thyroid levels - normal!! Told I am menopausal and depresssed with my thyroid probs and difficult to separate issues. My mum was also hypothyroid, but seemed ok on her meds.
Have suffered over last four years with constant anxiety - racing heart - feeling like something was wrong.
I took anxiety pills for 2 months end of Jan to March but stopped because felt not helping other than sedating and even took extra few times to make myself sleep away everything!
Meanwhile - I am losing the plot emotionally and mentally - reading up constantly on thyroid issues, my poor husband coping with a woman who has so changed - I withdraw from everyone, cant cope with friends, when really bad - do not want to speak with my children, have become at times a recluse retreating to bedroom. We have lodgers and I have decided I dont want them around - one lady is convinced I hate her! I am and have been an outgoing, warm and caring girl, now life feels one nightmare and I cant trust my own mind/thoughts.
2 weeks ago - saw a different doctor with my husband and told her I wanted to be referred to specialist - symptoms of my underactive thyroid present and new ones - aching hips in bed, etc. Blood tests came back normal again for TSH etc. However, I requested a Cholestrol test - never had one before - result. 7.6 v. high -she said not lifestyle related, I knew that as I eat ok, read up that elevation is also caused by thyroid disorder - even those mis-managed.
TO DATE - am seeing doctor today, discussing anti-depressants again - as I am desperate to get emotions under control, whilst waiting Endo's appointment. I will be telling her about my swallowing last few weeks, feel enlarged thyroid in throat - my mental stability even worse. Crashing frequently - crying for hours on end and even last week, screaming at my husband, his two young teenage daughters heard me, and were so scared went home and wont come back to visit.
Attended family event yesterday, son of 21 returned home from abroad 2 years, managed to survive until evening - but then broke down sobbing and my 25 and 27 year old girls saw me as I am at home but not usually with them. I have had 5 children, one grandson, so much to be happy about. Divorce was traumatic and residual effects are still there for some of family, one son who is very distant - so these background thing make being ill all the more difficult.
My bed is my ZONE - I retreat there when things get bad and try to escape by sleeping.
I am just wondering if I may have this Hashmito Disorder, but know I have too get answers and treatment - feel like I am not living properly - no desire to pursue interests etc. I am 56 on Saturday!
Would be interested to hear from you/anyone else.
Kind regards
Beverley
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