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Graves Disease is ripping my marriage apart
Hello,
My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.
I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.
It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.
Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.
My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.
Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM
My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.
I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.
It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.
Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.
My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.
Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM
Hi Doug,
I was today writing to thyroidnightmare cause I've being that evil sick person in the relation.
But I have survived and now I'm much better (emotionally) the thing here is that you guys need to be veeery veeeery patience!
Lots of love and support also has made me pacify... when i get all crazy and stuff and my now-husband doesn't explode and listens to me and doesn't reacts when i even say very bad things and then he shows himself super understanding, caring, loving... it disarms me... makes me feel like an idiot...
But one thing that I have to do indeed was to become aware of my disease. When was my hormones acting and when was I. To say "forgive me"
But i didn't started that, it was him cause he was the one most rational of the two of us...
Now I don't know how are you guys in the faith-department, we are (both catholics) but he is more... that's a good place to go...
But if not, then one thing i did this weekend and seriously transformed my life was attending a seminar "you can heal your life" which is based on a lady called Louise Hay.... it was ... WOW...
Your loved-ones should go on their own and be open to change...
Now another thing that my dear husband has done is really let me decide on my own what kind of treatment i want to take and not push me and support me a lot... per instance i am SOOO against removing my thyroid or taking RAI and the antithyroidrugs feel like poison...
So i've tried a lot of this and that and it could have been much easier for him that i remove my thyroid and get it over with, for the sake of the relation but he has never pushed me
YOU play an important part in this whole mess WE get into... If you think is not fair and all that, then maybe you should really walk out of the relation... it requires TONS AND TONS of LOVE and real love and to let yourself go for the good of the other one...
No need on blaming or pointing finger... if you say "you need help!" or "search for help" or "you are sick" or "can't you see you are destroying us" and etc etc etc, is not making it any better...
Is very hard for us who pass through this, mostly if you are an emotional one... but we sometimes get into a self-defense system of negligence were we don't want to accept we are sick or that some hormones control us and stuff like that... i don't know were that thinking stops, but it stops thanks to the nurturing love of your husband/wife...
Check the Louise Hay thing, and support support support love love love yourself and your partner... maybe you can go there yourselves first and then try to engage your loved one... i don't know just an idea
Cannot explain it, i have been very lucky on having such an angel as a husband who has helped me to understand that if I am sick, he is sick, we are sick and we want to get healed, together...
And don't get angry... what do you prefer, to be happy or to be right?
mmm... maybe my husband should comment on this one :) ... one thing he has done is to read a lot... of course he got pissed at some point but cannot tell it was a tug-war of anger between both of us... and i still get crazy and desperate but not anymore after i went to that louise hay thing
In order to love others, we need to love ourselves...
love for you all whom we (thyroid slaves) make your life difficult
Is not in purpose... <3
I was today writing to thyroidnightmare cause I've being that evil sick person in the relation.
But I have survived and now I'm much better (emotionally) the thing here is that you guys need to be veeery veeeery patience!
Lots of love and support also has made me pacify... when i get all crazy and stuff and my now-husband doesn't explode and listens to me and doesn't reacts when i even say very bad things and then he shows himself super understanding, caring, loving... it disarms me... makes me feel like an idiot...
But one thing that I have to do indeed was to become aware of my disease. When was my hormones acting and when was I. To say "forgive me"
But i didn't started that, it was him cause he was the one most rational of the two of us...
Now I don't know how are you guys in the faith-department, we are (both catholics) but he is more... that's a good place to go...
But if not, then one thing i did this weekend and seriously transformed my life was attending a seminar "you can heal your life" which is based on a lady called Louise Hay.... it was ... WOW...
Your loved-ones should go on their own and be open to change...
Now another thing that my dear husband has done is really let me decide on my own what kind of treatment i want to take and not push me and support me a lot... per instance i am SOOO against removing my thyroid or taking RAI and the antithyroidrugs feel like poison...
So i've tried a lot of this and that and it could have been much easier for him that i remove my thyroid and get it over with, for the sake of the relation but he has never pushed me
YOU play an important part in this whole mess WE get into... If you think is not fair and all that, then maybe you should really walk out of the relation... it requires TONS AND TONS of LOVE and real love and to let yourself go for the good of the other one...
No need on blaming or pointing finger... if you say "you need help!" or "search for help" or "you are sick" or "can't you see you are destroying us" and etc etc etc, is not making it any better...
Is very hard for us who pass through this, mostly if you are an emotional one... but we sometimes get into a self-defense system of negligence were we don't want to accept we are sick or that some hormones control us and stuff like that... i don't know were that thinking stops, but it stops thanks to the nurturing love of your husband/wife...
Check the Louise Hay thing, and support support support love love love yourself and your partner... maybe you can go there yourselves first and then try to engage your loved one... i don't know just an idea
Cannot explain it, i have been very lucky on having such an angel as a husband who has helped me to understand that if I am sick, he is sick, we are sick and we want to get healed, together...
And don't get angry... what do you prefer, to be happy or to be right?
mmm... maybe my husband should comment on this one :) ... one thing he has done is to read a lot... of course he got pissed at some point but cannot tell it was a tug-war of anger between both of us... and i still get crazy and desperate but not anymore after i went to that louise hay thing
In order to love others, we need to love ourselves...
love for you all whom we (thyroid slaves) make your life difficult
Is not in purpose... <3
I am in tears when I read all the comments... My fiancé was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a year ago. After months of misdiagnoses of bipolar,ADHD and other mental related illnesses the found out his thyroid levels were very high. At the time he was having severe rage attacks. Punching holes in walls, breaking things, anxiety attacks and very pale sickly looking skin. We pushed back our wedding date in hopes that once on synthroid he would go back to the man I know and love. This was the case and he did go back to that loving man. Although the last month I noticed him looking sickly again and the anxiety kicking back in. He went back in for blood work and his levels went from 3 to 10.8. I feel defeated. Just this morning he left in a fit of screaming and took my engagement ring off my finger all because I had visited a friend the day before. He knows something is wrong but doesn't seem to want help that he truly needs. Ive given up my life to make him better an now I feel back at square one. I don't think I'll be able to handle him like last year emotionally or financial.. The wedding is in four months!!!
I was diagnosed with graves 2 years ago, I had a total thyroidectomy and am having to rely on thyroid medication. Before my thyroid was removed I had severe anxiety attacks and mood swings. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and he realizes its the disease and not me.
I still have mood swings, concentration problems, and become irritable.
It is very frustrating for a woman that never had to rely on anyone.
I think the first thing would be to realize its not you, don't treat her like a child,
And just be supportive. It's a tough thing for any family to go through, things will improve. She does need to be managed by meds though, quickly.
Hope this helps.
I still have mood swings, concentration problems, and become irritable.
It is very frustrating for a woman that never had to rely on anyone.
I think the first thing would be to realize its not you, don't treat her like a child,
And just be supportive. It's a tough thing for any family to go through, things will improve. She does need to be managed by meds though, quickly.
Hope this helps.
My wife has been showing most of the symptoms mentioned here. It was so similar with the rest. The mood swings, arguments, sudden outbursts of rage and sometimes violence in one minute, to the loving and caring person I fell in love with, is literally making me lose my mind. All she told me was that she had a thyroid problem and went into bad depression and immune system breakdown before. I don't know what to do and who to turn to...it's hard to talk to people about something I don't understand fully. She is reacting negatively to my suggestion to seek medical help. Yes I feel selfish that I want to end this, but at the same time I would like to help her and do whatever I can. What can I do to cope with this problem? It is affecting my work and and to some extent my relationship with family and friends. I guess there isn't a quick solution to this, looking at all the posts, but some words of advice or encouragement would definitely help. Thanks.
For that cortisol test, I meant to say 24 hour saliva cortisol test. That is supposedly better than the urine cortisol test.
Glad to hear that you are going back to the doctor and get some testing done. Please make sure they test you for Free T3 and Free T4 (not the same as Total T3 and Total T4). Also get a 24 hour urine cortisol test if possible.
I thought you might find this interesting. It is a message I gave to one of our members recently.
"Have you ever been tested for adrenal insufficiency? The 24 hour urine cortisol test is considered best.
I ask this because your symptoms when taking thyroxine sound like they could be a reaction to something called adrenal fatigue, which occurs after extended periods of low thyroid hormones, causing excessive stress on the adrenals. You can get some good info from this link.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44711.asp
Also,I found this. Hyper-like symptoms can occur from doses of thyroid meds that shouldn’t produce those symptoms, including anxiety or nervousness, shakiness, dizziness, racing heart, nausea, feeling hot, or any symptom which seems like an over-reaction to the meds, but are really symptoms of low cortisol."
Please do let us know how your are doing.
I thought you might find this interesting. It is a message I gave to one of our members recently.
"Have you ever been tested for adrenal insufficiency? The 24 hour urine cortisol test is considered best.
I ask this because your symptoms when taking thyroxine sound like they could be a reaction to something called adrenal fatigue, which occurs after extended periods of low thyroid hormones, causing excessive stress on the adrenals. You can get some good info from this link.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44711.asp
Also,I found this. Hyper-like symptoms can occur from doses of thyroid meds that shouldn’t produce those symptoms, including anxiety or nervousness, shakiness, dizziness, racing heart, nausea, feeling hot, or any symptom which seems like an over-reaction to the meds, but are really symptoms of low cortisol."
Please do let us know how your are doing.
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