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Embarrasing Thoughts Make Me Blurt Out Things

When I think of an embarrassing moment (whether it be real or imaginary) I will blurt out a swear, or perhaps a sentence like, "I love you (insert name)". I believe I do that as a means to "snap me out of" the moment so as not to re-experience the feelings the embarrassment caused, or causes, or to just end the momentary thought before it completes.
I would say that 50% of the time I blurt out some kind of swears or a sentence with a swear in it. The other 50% I have this habit of saying "I love you (insert ex gf's name)" or some other name. I must interject at this point that I am happily married and have no interest in any past gf's. But for some reason, the one name I usually insert is an ex-gf who I was overly in love with and who did end up dumping me. Which is fine by me now because I have an awesome wife and a wonderful family. And I am not supressing any deep down desires for my ex....believe me on that. When I do this most is when I am by myself and therefore, dealing with the gazillion thoughts that race thru my mind every minute. Sometimes my mind is like a runaway train. And eventually, the thoughts come back to an embarrassing moment, or a situation I make up in my mind that would embarass me, and I blurt something out, I thought out of habit to snap me out of the moment. Sometimes I blurt something out and one of my kids or my wifes hears me and will ask me what I was saying. Most times I can cover up what I said with some kind of excuse about what I was talking about. One time I was in the bathroom and, in the middle of an embarrasing thought, I blurted out, "I hate you!". My wife happened to be walking by the bathroom at that second and heard me and she thought I was referring to her which I wasn't. So we had a big to-do about that. Of course I"m scared to death that I will blurt out my ex-gf's name and she will hear me and she'll freak. It does seem to be worse when I am really stressed. I am not nearly as stressed as I used to be probably because I have learned how to deal with it in many ways including meditation. Thank God for meditation. Best part of my day.

Anyways I'd like to know if this happens to you and if you have any techniques to control these outbursts? Thank you.
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Avatar universal
Found a cure! I’ve been following this thread for a while now as I try to figure out how to treat this issue. I have this exact the same problem that everyone here is citing.

The cure I found is to take a strong probiotic supplement. I came across a ton of research into ruminating thoughts and how probiotics stop rumination and prevent what’s being called “cognitive reactivity”.

The most significant of those studies can be found here; it’s a triple blind, placebo controlled trial: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0889159115000884?via%3Dihub

The probiotic supplement I’ve been on over the past 4 weeks is called 1MD Probiotics Platinum — any 50billion CFU multi-strain probiotic supplement should theoretically, work but figured I’d cite the one I’m using.

I’ve noticed extreme improvements in my ability to cut out the “think bad thought” -> “tense up / spiral” -> “say something out loud” process, to the point where it rarely happens now. I think full improvement wasn’t seen until about the 3rd week or so of supplementation.

I’m happy to have found something that works for me, and I hope this may help you all, as well.

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Avatar universal
Hi,
I’m 20 years old and experience this as well. I tend to blurt phrases like “f*** you, kill yourself, you’re a dumb b****”, and other hateful phrases towards myself. Sometimes, the phrases are strange and have no meaning like “Help me, or I’ll say help me *insert husband’s name* or mom.” This happens when I’m alone and I start overthinking previous situations. Typically, it happens when I recall social situations where I felt uncomfortable or situations where I wish I would’ve done something different. It doesn’t stop there though. I also physically act on it on occasion. I’ll widen my eyes and make faces. I even make myself hyperventilate too. Sometimes I’ll yell. I don’t think I actually hate myself so I’m not sure why I’m subconsciously so hateful towards myself. I wish I could explain these weird outbursts. I think it’s important to note that I do have anxiety (especially social anxiety), depression, and I’m a complete perfectionist. I am relatively successful. (I think) I will finish up my bachelor’s degree in lab science in one more semester. I make excellent grades and am really dedicated to my studies. I will say that I don’t allow for error in my life. When I make a mistake, I beat myself up. It’s almost like my brain doesn’t know how to deal with a mistake, which might explain the random outbursts I have. Also, I do have some past child hood traumas. My father committed suicide when I was about 9 or 10. It was an extremely messy situation and had a ripple effect on my life it seems. This led to my mother moving us across the country to be with her new lover. It was a huge adjustment and I was extremely depressed much of my youth. We moved again soon after and it was like starting from square one. I was exhausted mentally and didn’t put any effort into making friends at my new high school. I was a loner for sure. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was and still is my only true friend. We are both very introverted and hate talking to other people aside from a select few friends. Even then, we can only take so much of them. Point being… I didn’t socialize much throughout my youth. I think this is why I feel so uncomfortable in social situations today. It’s almost like I didn’t get enough practice in preparation for socializing as an adult. Covid has really allowed for me to isolate myself from socialization. Internally, I’m happy about it because I hate social interaction. However, I know covid has only made my social issue worse. I know I’m not as embarrassing as I criticize myself for being. I overreact. But sometimes I am stupid and clumsy and don’t act right around others. I do things out of character and say things I normally wouldn’t when I try to act normal and socialize. This escalates to me feeling like an idiot later. Even throughout writing this post, I’ve recalled embarrassing moments and had outbursts. I just want peace at this point. I’m so tired of beating myself up and having these outbursts. I know I’m not crazy given other people are experiencing this too. I just wish there’s was a cure or something to even explain what all of us are experiencing.
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Avatar universal
     Here's another anecdote for the pile. 20 year old male, was about 13-14 when I noticed it happening.  Comes on with little to no warning (typically with an embarrassing thought but not always,) lot's of f****** fa****, s***,  c***s******and some n-words for spice.  Not much besides expletives unlike the other people here. The choice of words probably comes from my anxiety with being Bi (was a big personal issue in my teens and have a lot of embarrassing moments related). But I would never say racial slurs ever; so why that happens is a mystery.  There's also a non-swearing tic; the whistle-click from Fantastic Mr. Fox. Kinda funny.

     Some related oddities  I found were:

Coprolalia [Unintentional bursts of swearing]
     Sounds exactly as what's described, but it causes the person to shout the words and has a bit of a warning. Which is apparently like having to scratch an itch.

Palilalia [Repeating what you said to yourself under your breath (repeating others is echolalia)]
    I do this a lot.

     Both of these are exasperated by anxiety, treated by meditation, exercise, diet, and anti-anxiety drugs. [[[For the record this isn't a diagnosis of anyone, I'm not a professional, I just google this stuff.]]]

     Overall this is a relatively normal issue related to anxiety and intrusive thoughts.










    


    

    
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Avatar universal
From reading the posts, it seems that we all have the same issue.  And the commonality for most is that our blurt is triggered by an embarrassing thought.  What also is becoming apparent is that the words we blurt have little or nothing to do with the embarrassing thought.  Myself, I go through different phases of what I blurt.  My current blurt is usually "TERRY!"  I have no idea why.  I don't even know anyone called Terry.  But I have blurted other things in the past.  Can anyone shed any light on how our minds pick our blurt words?
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Avatar universal
Had this since I was 14 (20 now). I think it's an anxiety issue since I'm always thinking of something embarrassing or stressful when it happens.
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Avatar universal
Welp I'll go ahead and be the first comment (as far as I can tell) from the Covid pandemic-- which has definitely increased the habit for me, living alone in lockdown! I have done this since I was in high school at least, but I find I've been doing this a lot more in the past few years (I'm now in my late 20s.). I tend to blurt out that I either love or hate my ex-boyfriend too! Wow! It was a very intense, often all-consuming relationship during late teens/early 20s, and it ended rather badly. I wish him well, but I am certainly not in love with him anymore and have no desire even to see him again. Pesky man that he always was, he pops up, though, when I have an embarrassing or troubling thought. This can be anything from things I actually regret/cause me to feel genuine and deserved remorse to silly things like being late to respond to a work email. I think about these things and suddenly, without even thinking about it, I'm saying in a short quick sentence, "I love __" or "I hate ___" (Depending on my mood? My tic seems capricious, and I'm unable to tell which kinds of thoughts prompt which kind of response?)

I have a couple of others that are a bit odd, but seem related/similar to some other people's expressions on here. These are, I think, new since I have been in lockdown and working remotely due to Covid. I have a lot more of that unstructured alone/quiet time (which I actually highly value-- I, like a lot of people on here, really love and value my creativity and like to spend a lot of time writing, knitting, sewing, and dreaming up ideas around all three crafts), and that, of course, means more embarrassing daydreams and more blurting out! Just as I was once highly invested in making a relationship work with my ex, I was once equally invested in going to graduate school. I'm now almost finished with my PhD, but I will sometimes blurt out "I really hope I get into grad school" or "I wonder where I'll go to grad school." Grad school is almost over for me. This is hilarious. This happened before the pandemic, but it has intensified for some reason lately. I do have one that's completely new (thanks, Covid) that I think must have been brought on by the very specific context of the pandemic. I have lately started to blurt out "I wonder how old I will be when I die?" and sometimes I'll then blurt out a few numbers (potential ages?-- though some are younger than I am now-- i.e. I can't possibly die at 16, when I'm a grown woman in my late twenties). When the pandemic first began, especially, I felt frightened about death and the idea that a deadly virus might even be wiping out humanity on earth. I said and did a few embarrassing things (e.g. showing affection to an attractive neighbor), that I don't think I would have said or done if I hadn't been experiencing anxieties about mortality and the spread of a deadly virus. Now that (knock on wood) it seems that this terrible and deadly virus has done so many awful things but hasn't actually wiped out humanity and probably won't, I'm hoping this more morbid "when will I die" version of the blurting will go away? Or at least... that it will go away once I can safely return to working in person-- it would be awkward to do this in front of say... students in my classroom or patrons at the library where I sometimes pick up a few hours of work each week!

I'll end by saying something  I wish I had seen more of on here: I totally understand that this is distressing (it bothered me enough to look it up and contribute to the forum, after all!), but I also want to acknowledge that this "problem" is a fairly benign one to have. This is definitely not my favorite thing about myself, but I am committed to making sure I don't use it as a reason to hate myself, and I don't want to "cure" it if that makes sense? I see a therapist so that I can let go of past shame, build my self-esteem, and identify/sustain healthy relationship dynamics, and I'm proud of my progress in those areas. If I blurt out some odd things here and there, welp... if this pandemic has taught me anything, it's that blurting out my ex-boyfriend's name here and there really doesn't have much power in my life. It's funny, but it doesn't matter nearly as much as healing some of the thoughts/impulses/memories that prompted the quirk in the first place...
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Avatar universal
So what the hell is this called and what can you take if anything to help it? besides magnesium. What is the actual diagnosis
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Avatar universal
My behavior is very similar, with just one difference. I don't "blurt" anything out, but rather have some physical reaction, like whipping my head to the side or clinching up my fists/abdomen. Occasionally I will make a noise to go with it, but nothing intelligible.

It's typically triggered by embarrassing or humiliating moment memories. Being bullied in junior high, the dramatic things I used to say, stuff that later just made me look foolish or that I looked like I had an inferior intellect or character.

I often have to explain the "quiet outburst" or try to cover it up. Even the outbursts themselves become an embarrassing thing to remember (triggering an outburst LOL).

History: I am an extremely creative person who has been on several anti-depressant meds (for several years) prior to these outbursts. I also accidentally took a 220V charge to my arm while trying to repair something I thought was not charged. I am a father of four, in my 40s, successful career in Technical Writing, conditions or medical problems other than chronic chemical depression (not emotional).
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Avatar universal
I started looking at this thread a few years ago after googling "blurting out when I think of an embarrassing moment". I was so surprised to see so many responses that literally mirrored my experiences with this. Some of them are eerily similar, such as my wife hearing me blurt while I was alone using the bathroom and she says "What did you just say", and I had to respond "Uh, Nothing!". It's crazy I checked back tonight after a especially bad week of blurting due to stress at work and I see s0 many new responses over the past couple years. I figure it's time I shared my story so others can hear it as well.

I have had this issue for at least 4-5 years now and I am 28 currently. I usually blurt when I think of any embarrassing moment. They most often occur when I think about a social situation, one that I thought was awkward, or I said the wrong thing, or minor conflicts at work. My main blurt for the past couple years has been is usually "I love babies". Not sure why this is, I worked as a pediatric RN for a couple years, and I do have two daughters, but I don't know why this is what I blurt. If I am in the car on the way to work and I know no one can hear me, and I think of an embarrassing moment, I will usually blurt very loud a curse word such as "****" or "****". Other times I will blurt things such as "No', or "Don't", "Don't do it".  It is well controlled when around others, although I do find it occurring more on accident at places such as work when I forget others are around (this happens only occasionally, and I usually catch myself as it is coming out, or it will only come out as a low whisper). It is not well controlled in my household, and my wife and kids are well aware of it by this point. My wife jokes "you have a mental problem", but I actually showed her this thread years ago and she understands its just a weird thing I do. She often asks "what were you thinking about" when I blurt, because she knows what triggers it, but often the scenario I was thinking about is really such a minor deal that I feel dumb explaining it so I don't tell her. I have worked as an ER nurse and paramedic for the past 10 years and the death and crazy things I see don't trigger my blurts, it's almost exclusively embarrassing moments / social scenarios.

I do have anxiety and a history of panic attacks (although never been to the doctor for these issues or taken meds). Also have always been told I have ADD and I've always suspected it since I was young but I never was officially diagnosed nor have I taken any prescriptions. Also, as it has been mentioned in here earlier, I too have noticed the blurting is 200% worse during a hangover.

I have not found a way to control it, and it seems to have gotten worse over the years. Some personal details about myself so others can draw correlations, I have a bachelors degree and am starting grad school soon. I have a successful career and stable family. Only my wife, two daughters, and maybe 2 other people know about my blurting. I did do a lot of partying in my teenage years, which included frequent daily use of marijuana (not sure if that triggered this or not). I have not used marijuana since I was a teenager and I take no prescription meds.

Sorry this ended up being longer than I had anticipated, but I hope it helps someone else.
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My behavior is very similar, with just one difference. I don't "blurt" anything out, but rather have some physical reaction, like whipping my head to the side or clinching up my fists/abdomen. Occasionally I will make a noise to go with it, but nothing intelligible.

It's typically triggered by embarrassing or humiliating moment memories. Being bullied in junior high, the dramatic things I used to say, stuff that later just made me look foolish or that I looked like I had an inferior intellect or character.

I often have to explain the "quiet outburst" or try to cover it up. Even the outbursts themselves become an embarrassing thing to remember (triggering an outburst LOL).

History: I am an extremely creative person who has been on several anti-depressant meds (for several years) prior to these outbursts. I also accidentally took a 220V charge to my arm while trying to repair something I thought was not charged. I am a father of four, in my 40s, successful career in Technical Writing, conditions or medical problems other than chronic chemical depression (not emotional).
Avatar universal
After many many years trying to find the exact search criteria at google, I have come across this forum. It's both weird , and comforting to see so many people with exact the same problem I have.

I have had these 'bouts of saying things out loud whenever remembering about something embarrassing since I was 5. I'm 38 now.
This thing has changed over the years, being the latest one also the longest one, which is exactly what most people here have reported too: "I love you, ".

I didn't really notice I really had a problem until I started saying: "I love you, Agda", whenever feeling embarrassed about something I remember. The problem here is not only the fact that I'm happily married,  madly in love with my wife. The problem is that Agda is my wife's sister. Now, I do NOT have any crush on my sister-in-law, but she was my first girlfriend.

I have dated my wife's sister when we were 16, it didn't last long, I got over it after a couple months of heartache, when she dumped me, and I carried on with life.

The thing is, since I dated here, 22 years ago, I acquired this "I love you, Agda" thing, and it never really left me.

So far, my wife hasn't noticed it, although she is very aware that I do have this tourette thing going on, because I mumble many other random things as well. So far I could keep this thing unnoticed, and I'm beginning to think it was a real bad idea to never have told my wife about this "I love you, Agda" damn phrase. Because I can't seem to find a way of telling her, this late, 15 years being married.

I'm scared as hell of one day shouting my sister-in-law's name and ruin everything I have, my married, my family. As I said, my sister-in-law means absolutely nothing to me, not even a tinge of sympathy I have towards her these days. She is this bitter woman, whom likes to blame men for every single bad choice she made in her life.

I've read somebody  mention that taking probiotics is a good go. I'll give it a whirl for a couple of months. It does make sense, though, for I have IBS. Both things could be connected.
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Avatar universal
Wow, speechless.

Been searching for this question on Google for a while, but couldn't find anything for ages. Am completely stunned I have gone from thinking there is nothing that matches my symptoms, to finding pages of posts with the exact issues I am having. I feel relieved that I am not the only one going through this.

I can't really recall when 'it' started for me, but basically I became aware a few years ago that any embarrassing memory was getting a sort of defensive response from my body. If I am alone, that response could be a loud yell of '**** you', or '****' or something like that. Sometimes not a word, just a sound like 'ahhh'. Other times I weirdly say "will you marry me', which is  odd considering I am married. Other times "I hate you so much". If alone I will do this really loud, if someone is near by I will whisper or suppress it. I would say it has probably gotten worse, and am not sure what to do about it. I can be perfectly fine, be having a great day, and then drift off into thought until I fall on a negative memory and I blurt something out. Sometimes I might move a hand or an arm as well. At my absolute worst I can say the N and C word together followed by *****. This is so odd to me, as I would never say anything like that out of choice and I don't know where it comes from.

I have been astonished to read that at least one person on this thread has said pretty much everything I do. How can that be, that we are saying the same type of words to do with relationships, the words hate and love, some references to marriage, and also some N references. Its comforting to know but confusing.

I am 34, successful, married with a child, a quality teacher, educated, worldly, a deep thinker, an introvert, an avid reader, loves music etc.  I am somewhat of a perfectionist as well.I also have a lot of bad memories, mostly from acting in a way contrary to my natural personality when I drank alcohol or took illicit drugs in my 20s.  A lot of the bad memories I guess I try to suppress are from experiences from those times, especially several that stand out for me. However, now it doesn't have to be a really bad memory to cause me to blurt out loud, but just a negative memory, or what my brain perceives as negative, where previously it had to be one of the more troubling parts of my past.

Going forward, I think I am going to have to be open about this with some close members of my family. Talk about the issues, and talk about the memories. Writing them down is another option. I am also looking at health in terms of meditation, exercise, reading, supplements etc to try to do everything I can to look after myself, but while I do feel healthier this problem seems to be getting worse if not better so far. I really am hoping to find something that will help counter it, because it is worrying to be completely fine in all parts of my life, and have this tendency to blurt out words.

I am really open to suggestions, ideas, or feedback and ways forward from here.

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Avatar universal
Wow, I am so happy to have come across this thread despite it not being active. I have the same problem because I tend to blurt "I love you (name)" a lot, especially when I'm thinking of an embarrassing moment. Embarrassing thoughts really trigger this "blurting" problem and it only started recently.

I am 24 and a Registered Nurse. I thought the accumulation of stress at work is making me go crazy! I'm afraid this "self-talk" is going to cause me to look crazy if others are around to hear it.

The weird thing is, my Dad does this too and I thought he's crazy! I just thought I got into this habit because I would hear him say it. Potentially that may be the case but the thought that it could somehow be heredity may not seem far fetched in my situation.

Otherwise, I'm trying hard to stop myself from blurting out loud. There's this particular name I blurt out because I care for this person a lot (before), but it was unrequited. To me, I don't love him at all. So when I'm trying to stop myself from blurting out this... I stop myself halfway "I love you...... (my cats name instead)"

But hey, I DO love my cat! Lol
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Avatar universal
I do this too when I'm alone and think about an embarrassing moment. Sometimes it's full on shouting if I don't think anyone can hear me. If people are nearby I might just speak or whisper or mutter it. The phrase I say/shout these days is "Hate it!"  But I also used to say "marry me" or "I love you"  followed by name of ex girlfriend whom I otherwise never think about.

My dad does this too so maybe it's hereditary or I learned it from him.  
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Avatar universal
Okay...  I'm a going to turn 30 this year...

...and like everyone else who has responded to this, I experience the same thing.

My "escape phrase" when getting stuck into an embarrassing thought is usually "I'm going to kill myself"  or "I died of cancer" -- really pleasant things to blurt out.

Like everyone seems to agree upon.... its usually its worst when I am alone... and it rarely happens around others.... but occasionally someone may be around to hear, and it can be embarrassing.

I've recently discovered that my sister has the same issue, but with different phrases.

There has to be some reason for this.
What do we all have in common???


The reason why these "blurt out phrases" were chosen  for me was...

Jolting up in bed one night after having difficulty breathing and coming to a sudden realization that I was experiencing the effects of smoking.... I actually ended up saying out loud... I'm going to ******* kill myself (in reference to my smoking habit and how it is probably going to kill me)  I'm going to die of cancer.  

Here are some things that could potentially have messed with my otherwise normal brain.... and check to see if any of these might apply to you.... i know this might seem like a strange list.... but we have to start listing things off in order to figure out what is causing this.... and see what we all have in common.  If nothing on my list applies to you, make your own list and see if any others match.

I believe my symptoms first started to develop when I was working at an autobody repair shop.... lots of bad chemicals in the air.

I was also driving a vehicle at that time that had an exhaust leak, so I feel that may have played a role in this.

I lived in my parent(s) basement growing up (and was probably exposed to carbon monoxide regularly from the furnace) and black mold due to moisture.

I feel like hearing in one of my ears diminshed around the same time i began developing symptoms.

Perhaps we are suppressing our memories for some instinctual reason.  ...perhaps something related to being under general anesthesia during surgical operations or something.  

I smoke cigarettes.... have smoked marijuana on a few occasions in my life.... and I have also smoked salvia once (when I was like 18).

I took the drug bupropion to aid me with depression and help me stop smoking for a while about 7 or 8 years ago.

Fairly consistently, I would drive long distances (3 hr drives) on very little sleep, and would have to continually jerk myself awake to make sure i was not going to crash.

idk guys.... i hope something i brought up matches up with you guys.

This post has given me so much hope.
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Avatar universal
GOD!!!!
You guys have no idea about how happy I am to find you.
I'm 23 years old, female, an engineer with love for the violin and culinary.
So I noticed these symptoms earlier on this year.
And it's so freaky how we say the same things! I usually scream out an ex boyfriend's name like "I hate you so and so" or "I love you so and so"
Which isn't true because I really don't give a damn about him.
Like everyone else this happens when I drift off into rather embarrassing thoughts.
The other day I was mopping with my headphones on, my mother said I muttered "I hate you" other times "I'm going to scream" or "I wanna die" or "**** you" etc etc
I should probably add that indeed I've got a wanting attention span, I tend to procrastinate alot and I think I'm currently dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life regarding a big project I haven't completed yet.
I find that my blurting reduces on times when I actually get a lot of work done so maybe it might help to jot down the causes of anxiety in your life right now and proactive steps to remedy them.
When you start taking those steps the blurting will probably reduce.
But goddamnit someone should find us a solid diagnosis and tangible remedies no?
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Avatar universal
I have found the cure. Its the law of attraction. Hands down! It has completely changed my life for the better in the last month and i am cured! #Abrahamhicks . i have suffered horribly for 31 years and now its all over and i am high on life. This is the first time since age 10 that i want to live a long life and i dont fantasize about dieing. One months time of researching and practicing the law of attraction. And meditation.
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Avatar universal
I think its a symptom of anxiety. A coping mechanism. My dr said it was automatic thoughts. But people with this problem need to come together online and support each other. We should strive to help ourselves  and future generations understand and cure this phenomenon. There needs to be a more known term for this. To me it seems like its not a very common symptom. I say there needs to more awareness.
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Avatar universal
Wow. Finally letsjam ive been waiting. For someone else to post.
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Avatar universal
I'm happy to find this post with so many that suffer from this also and also saddened by the fact that there doesn't seem to be a solution.  Why do we torture ourselves?

I find the similar backgrounds we all share to be absolutely incredible.  Let's look at the facts.

1) Almost all of us seem to say the exact same things and do the same hand motions even though we've never met and grew up who knows where.  

2) Most here seem to be intelligent, educated and has gotten to a relatively successful point in their lives, at least materially.

3) Creative expression of some type is a common trend for us.

3) Most seem to of had some form of an emotionally distant family.

4) Staying focused on a task prevents the symptoms from happening.

5) Brain "down time" is when our thoughts drift to embarrassing, regretful and typically emotionally painful moments, some thoughts to a larger degree than others.

6) Drinking reduces the symptoms, hangovers bring them back to a larger degree.

7) Link to ADHD, depression, bi-polar, OCD.  Tourettes is often mentioned but the trend I noticed is that the consensus is it is not Tourettes from those that have seen medical professionals.

8) Thoughts that provoke the outbursts tend to be from social interactions or exes, specifically emotionally scarring breakups.


I'm 31 now, my symptoms must have started about four-five years ago after an extremely painful breakup but I'm not totally sure.  I was diagnosed with depression when I was 21, recently changed last year to bi-polar depression which I take lamotrigine for now that actually seems to be a pretty damn good medication.  I also take Adderall for ADHD.  Before I took lamotrigine I abused cocaine and Percocet for a few years to cope with my depression.  When I stopped using drugs to cope with my depression I became suicidal and ended up in the hospital.

Like most of us, I typically burst out with curse words, racial slurs, and random declarations of love or hate of ex-girlfriends.  I had a half black girlfriend for over a year... try containing your n-bombs that you don't mean haha.  Somehow I managed to pull it off, but man there were some close calls and amazingly, was not the reason we broke up.  The outbursts are always stimulated by a negative or embarrassing thought when my mind is wandering.

I love creative expression.  I have been playing guitar for 13 years and always liked to write and draw as a kid.  I come from an emotionally distant family, never say I love you or are particularly warm in an emotional sense.  The one theory that our perfectionism comes from trying to impress our parents enough to love us makes a lot of sense to me.  I am a good guitar player, golfer, graduated from a good college, work in a good field, etc.

I'm going to start writing my thoughts down as they happen.  I appreciate the suggestion and I hope this will let me cope better and somehow make these moments go away, I am desperate to make this stop.  Maybe we can bring this to a university or psychiatrist or neurologist?  Throughout this post I have noticed that those that have sought professional treatment have been unsuccessful.  I don't believe we even fully understand the issue or it isn't recognized so doctors have no idea what we are talking about and give us a generic answer.

It may be a good idea if we can open a discussion group of some kind or share any kind of success stories we have in beating this.  I am going to check this thread a few times a week moving forward if anyone has any suggestions or just wants to talk about it.  

In the half hour I spent writing this post though, I didn't have ONE outburst ;)

Good luck to all of us, I wish you the best.
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3 Comments
Another silver lining to this whole thing... it seems like this disorder is not even recognized medically anywhere.

You know what this means right?  

We can name our own disorder!!!  ;)
Let's name it the "I love you syndrome" lol
so funny many of us have the "I love you _____" lines :D
Avatar universal
I'm a 31 year old women. And when I was 14 I became distressed over a juvenile relationship. That's when I started blurting. At first I would just shake my head violently close my eyes And say no! Sometimes this happened to me in class, but it was usually when I was alone and I felt like I really couldn't control it. It never stopped and it escalated from there. I quit college because of this. I started seeing a psychiatrist and they eventually diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and panic attack disorder, even though I told them I thought I had Tourette's syndrome they assured me that I did not. When im deep in thought and have a bad memory or feel embarrassed, ashamed, or regretful is when it happens. Ill say things like... No! **** you! I hate you! Please! I try! Godammit! Your okay! And much of the time i am litterally agruing begging and pleading with myself i guess in an attempt to control it. Nothing like talking back to yourself to make you feel completly mad. And i will make voilent gestures like flipping off the air or making a gun with my hand and pretending to shoot myself! Well i thought i was alone in the world. I feel your pain.
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Avatar universal
Wow.. Ive been having this for a while and its gotten worse over time.. hints why Im looking into it to see if somethings wrong and what I can do to change this.. you are on point and I never put it together about hangovers intensifying this.. but it definetly does.. almost every thought that comes in mind is at a time of being drunk. Also I dnt know if it makes a difference but I rarely blurt actual words its mostly noise/mumbled jibberish but sometimes can come out loud enough someone heres it and asks me what I said which I have to cover with a lie because I cant say the thought and I dnt want them to think Im crazy.. time for an appointment I believe
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Avatar universal
Hi. Actually I'm a junior psychiatrist and I guarantee, that there is nothing written in a textbooks about this condition. Its actually not a disorder, but is somewhat distressing. This condition may be more related to so called OCD and related disorders and it also has similarities to the symptoms of Tourettes,  (  actually OCD, Tourette and also ADHD have a very high co-morbidity). Thoughts of embarrassment are intrusive thoughts(obsessions) and this shouting or other actions are compulsions directed against the thoughts to go away.  
I also experience it very frequently and I also seek answers from forums like this. It is surprising how this shouts are similar. I also blurt the words and sentences like: "GOD!", "F*k", "Kill me", "NO!" and others.  I experience it more intensely on hangovers after a heavy drinking  night, which i think has two reasons: 1. While intoxicated we have a poor impulse control and  behave and say things which can be recalled next morning as embarrassing. 2. Alcohol changes brain chemistry and you will most certainly never experience this problem while you're drunk, i think due to ethanol properties to bind serotonin receptors. On hangover we have the opposite and experience these symptoms more often. Also alcohol stimulates kidneys ability to excrete magnesium and some people claim to decrease Tourette symptoms taking magnesium. (many OCD patients also experience their symptoms to be decreased while drunk and increased while on hangover).
I thought that for this condition SSRI drugs would be helpful and I will  try it for myself. I have myself Major depressive episodes and used drugs other than SSRI for some time. I do not remember if the blurting was absent during my treatment, but I know, that it waxes and wanes sometimes. It intensified for several months from now and I think it somehow correlates with my mood symptoms. I feel my depression is coming back and therefore I have other reason to start SSRI medications. I think it will be helpful for you to oppose some underline conditions with professional help, because there is a low chance this blurts are arising itself without mood/anxiety disorders.

Sorry for my English, it's far from my native language.
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Avatar universal
I'm experiencing the same thing. And I even flip my finger in random times. But the only good thing is no one has ever caught me doing it...yet. I often think about random scenarios that didn't exist, bad memories and some of the people I hate. Then when I realize I'm already flipping my middle finger or blurting out "f*ck you", "son of a b*tch", "oh my god" and "motherf*cker"

I was physically abused by my dad when I was a child, got bullied in High School, got depressed and heart broken in College (got 6 Xs. All of them cheated on me. Occured in High school and college). Worked abroad away from my family and friends for 4 years, ecountered manipulative ******** along the way, got my contract ended on my first job because of recession (but their reason why they didn't renew my contract is because I have poor work performance. F*cking ******** I worked hard, I worked overtime and even work at home when needed.) got demotivated and insulted recently by my boss at work in my 2nd company (I'm a designer) which resulted in quitting my job. Right now I don't have a job. I went back to my home country and I'm frustrated because I want to practice my profession but I still don't have my computer. And I feel powerless because I don't have any income right now (I was able to save a couple of thousands of bucks from my work tho). I feel miserable and useless. I feel trapped. I feel ****. I miss my good friends abroad. And also, I'm married for 2 years now and my wife already cheated on me twice while I'm away but we're working things out right now. I'm having some random thoughts of hanging myself recently.

I'm actually a nice guy. I wouldn't want to be an ******* to someone and I love my friends.

I'm 27.
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Avatar universal
I'm happy i have friend with this habit

Now can someone tell me, how to stop this????

I'm 22 years old, male
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