What is wrong with me please help

[Struggling111]

I’m so over feeling like this. Ever since a sexual vaginal assult last year in oct (unprotected) I started having discharge days later and itching and burning weeks later. I did not go to the rape clinic until dec so missed the prevention drugs for stds etc. I became completely suicidal and tried to commit suicide twice, I just want my body back. I have been checked over 30 times by gp’s and a gyn twice and all tests for bv, chlamidiya, gonorrhoea, thrush, tric, herpes blood test and hiv blood test at 3 months all came back neg. I still have the awful symptoms though, is there something they aren’t testing? I requested a hpv test and got a pos high risk hpv in January that I think is from the assult but have no proof. I only have been with my partner for six years besides the assult and I know something is not right, I’ve never felt this way before. I did test pos now to thrush and used cream but I feel the burning must be from hpv, I’m scared I’m going to get warts:( as soon as I was assulted I was terrified he was going to give me warts. What else could be wrong with me? I don’t know how to live like this anymore it’s been 7 months I’m trying to be strong but this is the worst thing to not feel in my body and not feel like me. I do see weird lesion looking things inside my vagina area but when I go to the doc they saw I don’t have warts, I feel like they may not see what I’m seeing or I honestly don’t know please help. Is there other bacteria or some sort of virus that’s not commonly tested? I don’t know what to do my doc said hpv doesn’t cause itching and burning but what else is it!

[AnnieBrooke]

At the very least, stick with your thrush medication. You might be dealing with the big stress of the attack and some littler medical thing, and you are so freaked about the possibility of HPV that you are letting the big stress of the attack transfer to that. It happens.

I would read the link and see about probiotics also. Good for what ails you.

[AnnieBrooke]

All you have said besides that your body is "not right" is that you have itching, burning and discharge. Those things can happen from any efforts you made to clean yourself up or out since the assault. Sometimes people can get sort of wrapped up after a rape in attempts to physically wipe it out, even when it is gone in the physical sense. (It is not gone from their mind, so they think it is still there physically also.)

Along with your attempts to get more testing to rule out a physical cause, why don't you seek out a counselor that knows a lot about treating OCD? Because getting tested 30 times and trying to commit suicide twice when you have little children counting on you to be alive, just because of three symptoms (itching and burning and discharge), is an excessive reaction. OCD is curable, and not too hard to cure either, and it does not take too long to cure, but it takes a therapist who understands the methods for treating it. You won't get untangled from the thought processes that produce it if you don't go to a professional who understands what to do. I am not saying you are wrong that something is physically there, but your reaction is very OCD-like even if it IS there. You need to find the right kind of help.

[Struggling111]

I know what you mean, my partner and myself are still together, he’s been soo supportive of everything and I felt really like I’m letting him and the kids down and possibly diseased him too. He’s like even if you get warts you’ll have to deal with it and it’s not the end of the world. I know it seems extreme. I didn’t actually attempt not sure what I wrote but I almost did twice but I’ve tried to get help and want to be there for my kids. I’m trying to get help, my counsellor has just trained in therapy and everyone I’ve seen say I need therapy so I will try everything I can. I did see a hypnotherapist aswell but was to exp to go regularly atm. Thanks I think it’s just anxiety over not getting diagnosed properly- if it is something :s

[Struggling111]

All doctors suggested it in my head and rush me along, even my psych just assumes that because of what’s happened. I though it was possible but now after 7 months and not feeling any better but no proper diagnosis I do feel like maybe I’m just crazy. But it does feel honestly like something is missed. The gyn did say high risk hpv can cause warts to and that I just have to wait to see if they come up, and they can only treat visible warts but itching and burning there’s nothing they can do. Yes I am seeing a councillor at the rape clinic and also a psychologist, I was still suicidal and called mental health triarge for extra help so I saw a psychiatrist and have started antidepressants. I was taking sleeping tablets and diazepam aswell as it was the only way I felt normal but have stopped the sleeping pills and diazepam as I was getting to addicted and now on antidepressants but I still feel like a piece of crap :( my body just doesn’t feel right- it’s the physical symptoms making me feel this way

[Struggling111]

Otherwise, before this I’m generally healthy, not overweight and 25 years old, I have had two kids and was breastfeeding but had to stop after the assult as I was to stressed(my youngest is two now) thanks for any advice I’m going insane and so upset all the time, I see so many doctors they said I have to not let it define me and to move past this but how when my body is not right

[AnnieBrooke]

You could check this out.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2662373/

[Struggling111]

Check my reply below and also I’m taking Womens vitamins, high strength garlic vitamins and lysine tablets to try fight the hpv (not sure if they do anything at all) and probiotics, also the antidepressants daily to try calm the ptsd symptoms. Should I request doctors to test for mrsa staph, group  strep A or b, pin worms, mycoplasma, ureaplasma infection?? I looked online and they are apperantly other infections not tested for.. do you think a doctor would do that? I’m not sure how they test or if they will but I don’t know what else to do :/:(

[AnnieBrooke]

Have you had counseling? I am not implying that this is all in your head, but the level of distress you are under is a medical condition also, and needs attention also. Suicide attempts are a medical issue and merit a therapist.

Ask the (ob-gyn) doctor to re-test you for anything that can incubate for a while and not show up on earlier tests.

Also ask if there is any form of suppository that can calm an upset vagina (and by this I mean one that has had its regular balance disturbed by previous treatments, douching, etc.). If you are stinging and burning, it sounds like your normal bodily secretions are disturbed, it's the kind of thing that back in the natural days, women would use live-culture yogurt to treat. There might be similar treatments today.