Well, if you tie guilt into the whole process, who WOULD get turned on much? This sounds like a mental hang up regarding masturbation and your sexuality. What does the guilt stem from? Your thought that exploring your body is bad? Your feeling like you are supposed to save it for your boyfriend? Until you let that go, this is likely the outcome. Otherwise, your boyfriend may 'stumble' on how to have you finish without any direction and some men just don't know how to do it. (well, and I guess all women are different although there are some universal things we all have in common). Can you open up to your boyfriend and tell him?