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The end of my life/ the begining of theirs
Ok here it goes. I have told a lot about myself so far. But not the begining of why I am messed up. Why I am mentally losing it day by day. Why I do not trust. What I have been holding in. I know it sounds like a story book. But this is no joke. No dream. It's you know where darkness in life is.
Facts; I was always different I felt. I became depressed when I was 10 years old because my classmates made fun of me. Also I had two best friends who I loved deeply. We would hang out and play and talk and we had a great time together. Also I thought of their mother like family. My mom was in the bed at that time. She was overprotective and wouldn't let me go outside. I began to be used to lounging about in the house. I loved my family. I never really was good at socializing. I was always a bit of a loner. But I didn't have anger issues or anything. I got to see my family only twice a year when I was a teen. So we were no longer close which made me sad. My mom got out of bed and was grouchy and took her anger out on dad and me. She yelled at me and called me names. She was vey angry from all that was bottled up inside. Later as I got older I disrespected her too a lot. I know it's wrong but I did. But no I didn't spend all my time being mad. But I had my parents my best friends and had no family problems.
The Right before: I guess things began to get out of wack when my dad grew sick. It all started then but I didnt know it yet. I was worried sick when he wasnt well. And when it happened so fast. One minute he was there the next he wasn't. And of course I didn't handle it well. I was in a daze. I panicked and was severly depressed. Anyone would be am I right.
Facts; I was always different I felt. I became depressed when I was 10 years old because my classmates made fun of me. Also I had two best friends who I loved deeply. We would hang out and play and talk and we had a great time together. Also I thought of their mother like family. My mom was in the bed at that time. She was overprotective and wouldn't let me go outside. I began to be used to lounging about in the house. I loved my family. I never really was good at socializing. I was always a bit of a loner. But I didn't have anger issues or anything. I got to see my family only twice a year when I was a teen. So we were no longer close which made me sad. My mom got out of bed and was grouchy and took her anger out on dad and me. She yelled at me and called me names. She was vey angry from all that was bottled up inside. Later as I got older I disrespected her too a lot. I know it's wrong but I did. But no I didn't spend all my time being mad. But I had my parents my best friends and had no family problems.
The Right before: I guess things began to get out of wack when my dad grew sick. It all started then but I didnt know it yet. I was worried sick when he wasnt well. And when it happened so fast. One minute he was there the next he wasn't. And of course I didn't handle it well. I was in a daze. I panicked and was severly depressed. Anyone would be am I right.
You're not burdening me. And I am venting my issues here too remember.
You have goals, right? Things you want to do, so that's not a problem. Maybe you could try brain storming and come up with a list of possible solutions. Maybe write a list of pros and cons. And then a list of advantages and disadvantages for each.
You want to be independent, you want to teach.
You have goals, right? Things you want to do, so that's not a problem. Maybe you could try brain storming and come up with a list of possible solutions. Maybe write a list of pros and cons. And then a list of advantages and disadvantages for each.
You want to be independent, you want to teach.
I don't think I'll ever get control back because I am getting worse. I am gettin younger. I don't see how. Not only that if I don't ever get the chance to prove I can handle it which I won't get that chance cuz I can't find a decent lawyer to fight for me. Plus my mental is worsening. Honestly this mess has completely destroyed me. I know you feel like I'm quitting but I don't see a way out of this. I'm sorry I won't talk about it anymore. I don't want to burden you anymore. It's my problems I'll deal with it. I don't want to bring you down. Anyway I am glad you posted.
No, not so your aunt gets everything. So you get everything. Granted it won't happen overnight. But you know, like long-term.
Get better first then if it still matters fight her then.
It's not a nice feeling to feel as though your rights have been violated. You feel so powerless to do anything.
There should come a time when your aunt shouldn't be able to access anything of yours without your consent.
I'm not angry with you. Or maybe I am. I feel angry that you don't see that anything you do to better your life will benefit you (as well as your aunt. Forget your aunt).
No, you're not driving me away. We're posting fine. We're both saying what we need to say. Some of this is my issues too remember. Not all of it is you or your responsibility. I'm saying stuff too because of where I'm at at the moment.
Who said I don't want to be here chatting to you?
Here's a question. What would you say to me if I said bugger everything. I'm a mess, my life is a mess, I'm not going to try anything anymore? I am going to eat all the time and spend all day in bed. I am not going to leave the house. I am not going to try and better myself. Hey, maybe I won't even have a shower. What do you think? How would that make you feel if I said that or were to do that? What do you think you would say to me?
I'm not upset. Do you think this would go any differently if it were one of my issues we were talking about? I think in all honesty it would be a million times worse.
Maybe I could be an idiot and try it. I usually just get defensive and avoid acting.
Get better first then if it still matters fight her then.
It's not a nice feeling to feel as though your rights have been violated. You feel so powerless to do anything.
There should come a time when your aunt shouldn't be able to access anything of yours without your consent.
I'm not angry with you. Or maybe I am. I feel angry that you don't see that anything you do to better your life will benefit you (as well as your aunt. Forget your aunt).
No, you're not driving me away. We're posting fine. We're both saying what we need to say. Some of this is my issues too remember. Not all of it is you or your responsibility. I'm saying stuff too because of where I'm at at the moment.
Who said I don't want to be here chatting to you?
Here's a question. What would you say to me if I said bugger everything. I'm a mess, my life is a mess, I'm not going to try anything anymore? I am going to eat all the time and spend all day in bed. I am not going to leave the house. I am not going to try and better myself. Hey, maybe I won't even have a shower. What do you think? How would that make you feel if I said that or were to do that? What do you think you would say to me?
I'm not upset. Do you think this would go any differently if it were one of my issues we were talking about? I think in all honesty it would be a million times worse.
Maybe I could be an idiot and try it. I usually just get defensive and avoid acting.
I just read your messagas yes i found it alittle hurtful. I will admit it. I'm just really upset right now. Not cuz of your comment though/. Not angry just hurt. It's not easy to change and what for so my aunt gets everything. All I want is at least half of my disability. I really want all of it. I know I can handle it. I was doing fine before those people moved in. And I want another chance but I'll never get one. I have tried to fight this thing several times. It's just time to face it. I can't beat her and the really good lawyer she paid for with my money. I can't beat her. My lawyer didn't even fight for me. And no one will take the case. I'm sorry if I want to give up but to me there is really no other oppion. I mean I won't even get some of my disability. It would be different if she was there for me. And she would like work it out with me so I could get some money too without having to take it to the courts. And if she was there for me. But she isn't. So not only do I feel like I have no rights I am controlled by someone who only cared for the money. Honestly I don't think I'll ever get over this. I'll never be free. If I try to better my life it's all for nothing cuz anything I do she will get. Like if I decided to prusue my education agian if my mind was normal and then got a job as a teacher which was what I had wanted to do, or any job I would have to work real hard for my money just for it all to go to my aunt. I don't know if your angry at me. I feel like you are. But I don't want to go out and work hard just for my aunt to reap the benifits. I feel like such a burden. I wished I never told you this story. I feel like I'm driving you away. It seems like people never want to be around me very long. And now I feel like I'm driving you away. I can't even post right. I'm so stupid. I really thought posting was the answer. Now I wished I would have held it in but not because of your comment. Because now I feel like I upset you. I guess I messed up even on the internet. I can't do anything right. Anyway if you don't think I'm totally lame please respond. If you don't I guess it will be another mess up on my part. I hope to hear from you.
Are you angry with me for the comments I made?
I feel frustrated and I feel frustrated for you. I know change is extremely hard. I feel so stuck myself and change feels like it should be so easy. I'm sorry if I minimized your efforts and your issues.
Are you going to write back and at least tell me how angry you are with me and how upset my comments made you feel? I'm insecure too.
I'm sorry if my comments upset you. Really. It was not my intention to hurt you. I guess I'm just really struggling too.
I feel frustrated and I feel frustrated for you. I know change is extremely hard. I feel so stuck myself and change feels like it should be so easy. I'm sorry if I minimized your efforts and your issues.
Are you going to write back and at least tell me how angry you are with me and how upset my comments made you feel? I'm insecure too.
I'm sorry if my comments upset you. Really. It was not my intention to hurt you. I guess I'm just really struggling too.
You may never get your money back but you should get what you are currently entitled too. It is wrong that your aunt controls and terrorizes you like that.
Some people surprise us. Even those with a long track record. People can change.
I don't understand why you don't do some things for yourself now. Or don't try too.
I even feel a little angry and frustrated with you and your attitude. I just want to shake you to show you what you are doing to yourself. You can do some of this stuff you say you can't. I just think you need loads of support to start off with. I think it's probably more a confidence thing than anything else.
I feel so frustrated and angry about my own situation.
When do you see your T next? Psychiatrist?
Some people surprise us. Even those with a long track record. People can change.
I don't understand why you don't do some things for yourself now. Or don't try too.
I even feel a little angry and frustrated with you and your attitude. I just want to shake you to show you what you are doing to yourself. You can do some of this stuff you say you can't. I just think you need loads of support to start off with. I think it's probably more a confidence thing than anything else.
I feel so frustrated and angry about my own situation.
When do you see your T next? Psychiatrist?
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