Aa
The end of my life/ the begining of theirs
Ok here it goes. I have told a lot about myself so far. But not the begining of why I am messed up. Why I am mentally losing it day by day. Why I do not trust. What I have been holding in. I know it sounds like a story book. But this is no joke. No dream. It's you know where darkness in life is.
Facts; I was always different I felt. I became depressed when I was 10 years old because my classmates made fun of me. Also I had two best friends who I loved deeply. We would hang out and play and talk and we had a great time together. Also I thought of their mother like family. My mom was in the bed at that time. She was overprotective and wouldn't let me go outside. I began to be used to lounging about in the house. I loved my family. I never really was good at socializing. I was always a bit of a loner. But I didn't have anger issues or anything. I got to see my family only twice a year when I was a teen. So we were no longer close which made me sad. My mom got out of bed and was grouchy and took her anger out on dad and me. She yelled at me and called me names. She was vey angry from all that was bottled up inside. Later as I got older I disrespected her too a lot. I know it's wrong but I did. But no I didn't spend all my time being mad. But I had my parents my best friends and had no family problems.
The Right before: I guess things began to get out of wack when my dad grew sick. It all started then but I didnt know it yet. I was worried sick when he wasnt well. And when it happened so fast. One minute he was there the next he wasn't. And of course I didn't handle it well. I was in a daze. I panicked and was severly depressed. Anyone would be am I right.
Facts; I was always different I felt. I became depressed when I was 10 years old because my classmates made fun of me. Also I had two best friends who I loved deeply. We would hang out and play and talk and we had a great time together. Also I thought of their mother like family. My mom was in the bed at that time. She was overprotective and wouldn't let me go outside. I began to be used to lounging about in the house. I loved my family. I never really was good at socializing. I was always a bit of a loner. But I didn't have anger issues or anything. I got to see my family only twice a year when I was a teen. So we were no longer close which made me sad. My mom got out of bed and was grouchy and took her anger out on dad and me. She yelled at me and called me names. She was vey angry from all that was bottled up inside. Later as I got older I disrespected her too a lot. I know it's wrong but I did. But no I didn't spend all my time being mad. But I had my parents my best friends and had no family problems.
The Right before: I guess things began to get out of wack when my dad grew sick. It all started then but I didnt know it yet. I was worried sick when he wasnt well. And when it happened so fast. One minute he was there the next he wasn't. And of course I didn't handle it well. I was in a daze. I panicked and was severly depressed. Anyone would be am I right.
thanks you guys for not judging me. It wasn't easy now. My mom had just gotten out of the hospitsl. And my plans nothing. I don't want to make plans anymore. I don't work out anyway. I don't even know if i want disability. I do but i don't. It all goes to the ***** anyway. It would be different if she cared about me. I would accept it better. I don't even know if I'll even get a stypen. Which is like getting an allowance. I pretty much given up. My mental state is worening. If I couldn't win then there is no way I'll win now. And she don't even help us out. I have to beg when i get money. I probably won't get a dime unless I beg for it. So it's better for me to just not plan no more and just go with the flow of things. I am tired of things and people messing up all my plans. I'm just gonna roll with it. Absorb into my things and try to just not think about it so I don't go completely insane.
That is wrong what they did to you. It wasn't your fault. I mean you made some mistakes but you learned. And everyone deserves a 2nd chance. It was inapropriate for your aunt to talk like that on his funeral day. There is a time and place for that but not there. But yeah you should have made your mom go to the hospital or something, but not knick her out. I think you need to try to get better first/ Maybe you can fight her but it would be better for you in a better mental state. You could try to find a lawyer who could help that don't cost or something. All you can do is try your best. And just be you. Oh I guess I can see why you are so angry. I would be too if someone did that to me and got to keep my money. I hope you feel better. And if you wanna talk keep on. It would help.
I think everyone grieves. It would be understandable (and normal) for you to panic and then later become depressed.
I think that if we have been depressed before and still have unresolved issues then it is more likely that we will become depressed again and perhaps even more severely. ??
I felt very close to my pop (my grandfather) and after he died people said some pretty nasty things. I felt that they were blaming him for their problems. Things that they needed to sort out themselves. Their comments really affected me.
I don't think I really got over (or properly grieved) the loss of my grandfather. It wasn't until recently when my grandmother (my nana) died that I felt I got closure.
Unbeknownst to us my pop's ashes were still sitting at the funeral home. Putting him to rest gave me the closure I needed.
People will act and react in different ways after someone dies.
Some families even sort out estates, etc before the person is even dead and buried.
It's unfortunate and can be upsetting to some. I feel it is perhaps inappropriate.
Everything needs to be taken in context though. Sometimes it may be appropriate, other times it might not be. If it respectful of the person and their wishes then I don't have a problem with it. If it pushes the person away in order to get at their possessions then I feel that that is wrong.
You may have lost the money but you are probably better off for knowing what your so-called friends and family are capable of.
You don't belong to anyone! You will only ever belong to you. People can say stuff and do stuff but you are your own person. In some cases you may be limited by others decisions but you still have control over you, control nobody else can ever have. Your innermost thoughts and feelings will never belong to anyone else. Not to me, not to amylove, not to your mum or dad or aunt but only ever to you.
Everyone will disappoint us at sometime. Often they will only be minor disappointments but they can still leave us feeling hurt and betrayed. Sometimes others are right, sometimes they are not.
Regarding your mother. When she was unwell (attacking and threatening you) you should have had her sectioned (committed to hospital for assessment and treatment). She was unwell. She would not have coped well had you just kicked her out and left her alone.
I think that you perhaps need to address your own health issues before you do battle with your aunt. I could be wrong. If you think it is worth it then fight her, fight everyone.
You may be able to access a short period of time with a lawyer for free. For advice.
I'm in a similar situation with my local hospital. There have been things that they have done wrong. If I were well I probably would take them to court. Only to make them accountable (because they accept no responsibility). Just because they are a big organization and have power doesn't mean that they should abuse it. I also are not strong enough to handle close scrutiny of my behavior and mh issues. I should not be feeling shame, etc though because of how they treated/ mistreated me.
Get strong for you and forget everyone else. Your aunt is not the problem anymore. You are. You are standing in your own way. Pretty much the same as I am standing in mine.
What is with your mum? Did she also help deceive you?
Maybe your mother is angry at you because you are both in the situation you are now? That is not your fault though. Your mother needs to deal with her own issues and stop making them yours or taking them out on you. It's not fair to you.
What are your options now? Ideally, what would you like to be doing?
Me? I would like to be living independently away from home. I would like to be able to put up boundaries and have people respect those.
I would like to be enjoying and living my life rather than just barely existing.
I hate the constant struggle when it could be so much better. When I could make it better.
Maybe you would benefit from some of the free trial sessions on Dr Gould's website myvirtualshrink.com.
You shouldn't be overly concerned about what we think. It is what you think that matters. Don't let what we think or feel affect you. We are all equals here.
Hey and we all make mistakes. I have made heaps. More than I would have liked to have. Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there and of learning.
What did Dr Gould, the mh expert forum doctor, say on one of his websites.
insight + action = change.
My plan is to make changes in 2010.
I think that if we have been depressed before and still have unresolved issues then it is more likely that we will become depressed again and perhaps even more severely. ??
I felt very close to my pop (my grandfather) and after he died people said some pretty nasty things. I felt that they were blaming him for their problems. Things that they needed to sort out themselves. Their comments really affected me.
I don't think I really got over (or properly grieved) the loss of my grandfather. It wasn't until recently when my grandmother (my nana) died that I felt I got closure.
Unbeknownst to us my pop's ashes were still sitting at the funeral home. Putting him to rest gave me the closure I needed.
People will act and react in different ways after someone dies.
Some families even sort out estates, etc before the person is even dead and buried.
It's unfortunate and can be upsetting to some. I feel it is perhaps inappropriate.
Everything needs to be taken in context though. Sometimes it may be appropriate, other times it might not be. If it respectful of the person and their wishes then I don't have a problem with it. If it pushes the person away in order to get at their possessions then I feel that that is wrong.
You may have lost the money but you are probably better off for knowing what your so-called friends and family are capable of.
You don't belong to anyone! You will only ever belong to you. People can say stuff and do stuff but you are your own person. In some cases you may be limited by others decisions but you still have control over you, control nobody else can ever have. Your innermost thoughts and feelings will never belong to anyone else. Not to me, not to amylove, not to your mum or dad or aunt but only ever to you.
Everyone will disappoint us at sometime. Often they will only be minor disappointments but they can still leave us feeling hurt and betrayed. Sometimes others are right, sometimes they are not.
Regarding your mother. When she was unwell (attacking and threatening you) you should have had her sectioned (committed to hospital for assessment and treatment). She was unwell. She would not have coped well had you just kicked her out and left her alone.
I think that you perhaps need to address your own health issues before you do battle with your aunt. I could be wrong. If you think it is worth it then fight her, fight everyone.
You may be able to access a short period of time with a lawyer for free. For advice.
I'm in a similar situation with my local hospital. There have been things that they have done wrong. If I were well I probably would take them to court. Only to make them accountable (because they accept no responsibility). Just because they are a big organization and have power doesn't mean that they should abuse it. I also are not strong enough to handle close scrutiny of my behavior and mh issues. I should not be feeling shame, etc though because of how they treated/ mistreated me.
Get strong for you and forget everyone else. Your aunt is not the problem anymore. You are. You are standing in your own way. Pretty much the same as I am standing in mine.
What is with your mum? Did she also help deceive you?
Maybe your mother is angry at you because you are both in the situation you are now? That is not your fault though. Your mother needs to deal with her own issues and stop making them yours or taking them out on you. It's not fair to you.
What are your options now? Ideally, what would you like to be doing?
Me? I would like to be living independently away from home. I would like to be able to put up boundaries and have people respect those.
I would like to be enjoying and living my life rather than just barely existing.
I hate the constant struggle when it could be so much better. When I could make it better.
Maybe you would benefit from some of the free trial sessions on Dr Gould's website myvirtualshrink.com.
You shouldn't be overly concerned about what we think. It is what you think that matters. Don't let what we think or feel affect you. We are all equals here.
Hey and we all make mistakes. I have made heaps. More than I would have liked to have. Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there and of learning.
What did Dr Gould, the mh expert forum doctor, say on one of his websites.
insight + action = change.
My plan is to make changes in 2010.
One day my mom lost her mind. She had a schizophranic attack and started acusing my friend of stealing something of hers and attacked me. Then threatened me. I was afraid she would do something. I could have made her leave but before we bought the house I promised mom I wouldn't kick her out I would go. And that's what I did. I took off with my friends. I was the happiest I have ever been for about 5 days until I went to the bank to deposite some money and found out ALL MY MONEY WAS GONE. My family had gotten into my account and took my money! So we had to come back here where I din't want to be. I wanted my friend to take me to the procecuters office but she kept messing around. Now I know why. So because of her I didn't get to go and had no choice but to get a stupid state lawyer. I got tested to see if I was compitent which I was. I was stupidly fooled by my friend that we would leave soon I made some dumb choices to sell stuff because we had no money for anything. But it turned out that I wasn't getting statements because somneone called and requested them to be not mailed. And unfortantly I didn't figure it out until this person walked out the door with my laptop that she was stealing from me the whole time. And maybe my grandpa was trying to protect me from them, but he ruined my life too. He only wanted to control us. So it ended up my aunt got to keep my money. The friends got away. And it would be different if she cared about me. She is super nice and friendly to the other family members but when she is alone with us she yells at us like dogs. Plus she is so so so very poor yet she managed to take a trip 3 times to the place I was going to live. I wonder how? MY MONEY. And now she is with some man who knows people in the courtroom. And I was normal then just used. Now I'm ******* up. I hate those frienmds. I hate my aunt. They win. I lose. I am a prisoner and she gets to have everything. And I belong to her forever. I wish I was dead. I deserve a 2nd chance too. I know now not to ever trust anyone even if they know you for 13 years. And I know for sure my aunt is doing it for all the wrong reasons. I don't even know if I want disability. I just want to die. I'll never have a life.
The End
The End
Still continueing...
Day of Dad's funeral; we had the funeral. I cried a lot. After that we would be going to my grandparents to just have a good cry and talk about it. So I thought. So we went ther. I brought a best friend with me. I was really sad and I didn't need what I was about to hear.
My aunt's big fat mouth say," When are you getting the money? I think I should have gardianship over it. I can take care of it for you. You can call anytime and I will be ther for you." a bunch of ****. At my DADS FUNERAL. She is talking like that. Those vultures! I ended up in the bathroom crying because I was depressed over my dad and they want my money. How can they be so insencitive.
Time went by: I didn't give it to them. I believed I could handle that money with some help from mom of course. And everything was going good. The money was used for mostly necasaties with an ocational shopping and stuff. It was all well. Then July of 07 the best friends mother who I felt was like family who I had a great relationship too came to clean our house for money of course. Which we didn't mind since she worked so hard. Then she was talking about maybe moving in with us. I wanted to do what I felt was right. And I felt like it was the right thing to do. Mom agreed and we had her move in. To my knowlage everything was fine. But the weirdest thing happened. I stopped getting bank statements by mail and I don't know how on the computer. It was weird. Since I didn't talk on the phone I didn't have it checked out. Anyway one of the best friends also moved in with her kid. I was happier than I had been in a long time. Oh boy was I happy. I had mom, my best friend, her daughter, and my other not best friend but to me was like a relative. It was so great. Then one day in October of 2007 mom came into my room all excited and told me we were going on vacation. At 1st I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but mom really wanted to go. So we went and I felt like for some reason I belonged there. I couln't explain it. But I had to ignore it cuz of mom. Then mom told me that the family wanted guardinship cuz my friends. I couldn't believe that. They wanted to do this just because we went on vacation. Yet they can go on a trip well my aunt can whenever she feels like it but we can't. That's whenI told mom I wanted to move. Also my friends said if we move they would go too. How nice I thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid! There's more
Day of Dad's funeral; we had the funeral. I cried a lot. After that we would be going to my grandparents to just have a good cry and talk about it. So I thought. So we went ther. I brought a best friend with me. I was really sad and I didn't need what I was about to hear.
My aunt's big fat mouth say," When are you getting the money? I think I should have gardianship over it. I can take care of it for you. You can call anytime and I will be ther for you." a bunch of ****. At my DADS FUNERAL. She is talking like that. Those vultures! I ended up in the bathroom crying because I was depressed over my dad and they want my money. How can they be so insencitive.
Time went by: I didn't give it to them. I believed I could handle that money with some help from mom of course. And everything was going good. The money was used for mostly necasaties with an ocational shopping and stuff. It was all well. Then July of 07 the best friends mother who I felt was like family who I had a great relationship too came to clean our house for money of course. Which we didn't mind since she worked so hard. Then she was talking about maybe moving in with us. I wanted to do what I felt was right. And I felt like it was the right thing to do. Mom agreed and we had her move in. To my knowlage everything was fine. But the weirdest thing happened. I stopped getting bank statements by mail and I don't know how on the computer. It was weird. Since I didn't talk on the phone I didn't have it checked out. Anyway one of the best friends also moved in with her kid. I was happier than I had been in a long time. Oh boy was I happy. I had mom, my best friend, her daughter, and my other not best friend but to me was like a relative. It was so great. Then one day in October of 2007 mom came into my room all excited and told me we were going on vacation. At 1st I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but mom really wanted to go. So we went and I felt like for some reason I belonged there. I couln't explain it. But I had to ignore it cuz of mom. Then mom told me that the family wanted guardinship cuz my friends. I couldn't believe that. They wanted to do this just because we went on vacation. Yet they can go on a trip well my aunt can whenever she feels like it but we can't. That's whenI told mom I wanted to move. Also my friends said if we move they would go too. How nice I thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid! There's more
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