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Benedryl (Wal dryl) Abuse
For months I noticed lots of the tiny pink Benedryl tablets in my girlfriends' purse. They didn't seem to be disappearing so I never questioned it. One night, on a whim, I counted 37 pills in her purse. The next evening I went to count again and there were only 8 left...which led me to believe she took over 20 of them in a 24 hour period.
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
Hi & Welcome,
I am not going to be the one to tell you that your girlfriend has a problem, that is for her to admit, if she does.
With that..if she does, ther is not a single thing you can do to help her unless she wants the help. Step 1..admitting she has a problem. She has not even done that yet.
YOU need to be concerned about YOU, not her. You cannot help her hun, other than going on with your life and by that showing her there is another way.
I have to suggest...for you...that you do research on the disease of addiction.
I am honestly sorry you are going through this and hope, for the both of you, it all works out.
I am not going to be the one to tell you that your girlfriend has a problem, that is for her to admit, if she does.
With that..if she does, ther is not a single thing you can do to help her unless she wants the help. Step 1..admitting she has a problem. She has not even done that yet.
YOU need to be concerned about YOU, not her. You cannot help her hun, other than going on with your life and by that showing her there is another way.
I have to suggest...for you...that you do research on the disease of addiction.
I am honestly sorry you are going through this and hope, for the both of you, it all works out.
Thank you for your response. I do, in fact, have a relatively extensive knowledge of the disease of addiction as well as several other "theories" of addiction (ie. Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy), and did, myself, attend intensive outpatient treatment for alcohol and had a brother who was addicted to meth. I've been to AA, NA, Alanon, etc.
I suppose even my question came off with an heir of denial. I KNOW there is something wrong and I agree that it's not my place to tell her she has an addiction...that's her job. Problem is, she has lost two jobs (one due to falling asleep on the job and the other related to an alcohol/pill relapse that landed her in the hospital). Her nursing license is in probationary status. My options are to be supportive (but how do you support someone that "doesn't have a problem"?) or to leave based on suspicions alone.
I'm not going to tolerate living with someone who abuses drugs and alcohol and she knows this and, though she's relapsed on alcohol, has admitted to it and has sought the necessary treatment to move forward from the relapse.
So...in summation, as someone aware of the disease concept and an already present addiction, should this be something that I just ignore until it becomes a bigger problem (heart problems, kidney or liver damage, dimensia, memory loss, etc.) or is there a constructive way that anyone can suggest to bring the topic up BEFORE it becomes as big a problem as her alcohol addiction.
"You can't tell a drunk they're a drunk"...yada yada yada....I realize this...but what CAN you tell them if you're truly concerned for their safety, your safety, your relationship, and the financial burdon that such addictions can result in?
I suppose even my question came off with an heir of denial. I KNOW there is something wrong and I agree that it's not my place to tell her she has an addiction...that's her job. Problem is, she has lost two jobs (one due to falling asleep on the job and the other related to an alcohol/pill relapse that landed her in the hospital). Her nursing license is in probationary status. My options are to be supportive (but how do you support someone that "doesn't have a problem"?) or to leave based on suspicions alone.
I'm not going to tolerate living with someone who abuses drugs and alcohol and she knows this and, though she's relapsed on alcohol, has admitted to it and has sought the necessary treatment to move forward from the relapse.
So...in summation, as someone aware of the disease concept and an already present addiction, should this be something that I just ignore until it becomes a bigger problem (heart problems, kidney or liver damage, dimensia, memory loss, etc.) or is there a constructive way that anyone can suggest to bring the topic up BEFORE it becomes as big a problem as her alcohol addiction.
"You can't tell a drunk they're a drunk"...yada yada yada....I realize this...but what CAN you tell them if you're truly concerned for their safety, your safety, your relationship, and the financial burdon that such addictions can result in?
That's called "ultimatum" time. :-/ All you can do is call her out on your suspicions, and stick to your guns with your evidence as she lies through her teeth straight to your face. Then one of you had better have your bags packed and alternative living arrangements made in advance.
When was the last alcohol relapse? Has she had any continuing therapy at all? One thing I'm confused about is when you say she denies taking "more than prescribed." Benadryl is an over-the-counter med. Are you certain that's what you found in her purse? Her symptoms sound more like what happens with Ambien, which IS a prescription sleep medication, and is also pink and shaped the same way. BAD stuff happens when it's mixed with alcohol. That business about her rambling in the middle of the night and having no memory of it the next day is a pretty classic ambien/ alcohol reaction.
You said it yourself. You won't tolerate living with an active abuser. It's up to you to decide how much of her behavior you can live with and when to pull the plug. She may never admit to her problem, which is why you have to know where your personal line in the sand is. Love and support can't cure addiction, and it certainly has no impact on an addict who denies having a problem. Love just gets used as an emotional weapon against you - if you let it.
When was the last alcohol relapse? Has she had any continuing therapy at all? One thing I'm confused about is when you say she denies taking "more than prescribed." Benadryl is an over-the-counter med. Are you certain that's what you found in her purse? Her symptoms sound more like what happens with Ambien, which IS a prescription sleep medication, and is also pink and shaped the same way. BAD stuff happens when it's mixed with alcohol. That business about her rambling in the middle of the night and having no memory of it the next day is a pretty classic ambien/ alcohol reaction.
You said it yourself. You won't tolerate living with an active abuser. It's up to you to decide how much of her behavior you can live with and when to pull the plug. She may never admit to her problem, which is why you have to know where your personal line in the sand is. Love and support can't cure addiction, and it certainly has no impact on an addict who denies having a problem. Love just gets used as an emotional weapon against you - if you let it.
Well, thank you Jaybay!!! She is certainly trying to hide it. When I found the dozens missing from her purse she claimed their was a hole in the pocket and they were in the bottom of her purse. The odd thing is that, when she returned home that night and I saw her purse there was in fact a hole..the size of maybe a pinky finger shoved through the corner of the lining....a hole large enough that I'd have noticed it as I carefully counted them IN the pocket of her purse...so we know she's lying there.
And she relapsed last on Aug. 31st and was hospitalized. Drank dozens of bottles over the course of a couple of days (while housesitting for a relative) and took numerous pills...to which I've never gotten a straight answer...just saw the bottles when the police and I did the "wellness check"
She said she got two sponsors (one male/one female) whom I've never heard a peep about since. And no...though I've encouraged her to go to AA or some form of meeting or support group (even offerring to do the same with OR without her), she has not continued treatment.
And yes, I'm certain it's Benedryl (Wal-Dryl to be specific). I've found the bottle and literally noticed dozens missing in a day. I've read enough to know what "abusers" use regarding diphenhydramine. And yes...the rambling seems to happen more during the times when I suspect she's mixing pills (likely Benedryl and a sedative of some other sort or antidepressant...which I know both of which can replicate these symptoms when mixed).
I agree completely with everything in your last paragraph and will certainly (and have been doing so) do some soul searching. Thing is, I just want more information on it so that I know where exactly to draw my line in the sand. I mean, I wouldn't leave a girl that drank in moderation or took a pill or two to help with sleep. I just need more information that, aside from babbling teenagers talking about how high they get, tells me what's TOO much. Obviously 900mg a day is too much...but is 300mg? It's a fine line as it IS an OTC medication and I can't regulate how often she buys it or uses it without being a spy...and that's not healthy either. Thank you for your helpful words Jaybay
And she relapsed last on Aug. 31st and was hospitalized. Drank dozens of bottles over the course of a couple of days (while housesitting for a relative) and took numerous pills...to which I've never gotten a straight answer...just saw the bottles when the police and I did the "wellness check"
She said she got two sponsors (one male/one female) whom I've never heard a peep about since. And no...though I've encouraged her to go to AA or some form of meeting or support group (even offerring to do the same with OR without her), she has not continued treatment.
And yes, I'm certain it's Benedryl (Wal-Dryl to be specific). I've found the bottle and literally noticed dozens missing in a day. I've read enough to know what "abusers" use regarding diphenhydramine. And yes...the rambling seems to happen more during the times when I suspect she's mixing pills (likely Benedryl and a sedative of some other sort or antidepressant...which I know both of which can replicate these symptoms when mixed).
I agree completely with everything in your last paragraph and will certainly (and have been doing so) do some soul searching. Thing is, I just want more information on it so that I know where exactly to draw my line in the sand. I mean, I wouldn't leave a girl that drank in moderation or took a pill or two to help with sleep. I just need more information that, aside from babbling teenagers talking about how high they get, tells me what's TOO much. Obviously 900mg a day is too much...but is 300mg? It's a fine line as it IS an OTC medication and I can't regulate how often she buys it or uses it without being a spy...and that's not healthy either. Thank you for your helpful words Jaybay
a male sponsor for a female is a no no... i (being in aa for 20 years would call her on it.. (u cannot)
blessings
brother frankie
blessings
brother frankie
You need to make sure your ducks are in order.
I can see that you are in love with this woman. But you are not married and do not have kids. Don't get your heart ripped out when **** goes bad and you find out things you didn't know.
I would get you in your best position for you in case you have to move on when you confront her.
sometimes it can be unreal hard to make these choices when love is involved. But at some point you have to be ready to move on so you can have a better life if she isn;t willing to go to work on this.
I can see that you are in love with this woman. But you are not married and do not have kids. Don't get your heart ripped out when **** goes bad and you find out things you didn't know.
I would get you in your best position for you in case you have to move on when you confront her.
sometimes it can be unreal hard to make these choices when love is involved. But at some point you have to be ready to move on so you can have a better life if she isn;t willing to go to work on this.
Thank you...sincerely! I appreciate things put so matter-of-factly. It's been implied on here that, because I'm not an addict, its not my place to address certain issues. I suppose I should have started this thread with "As an addict myself....etc etc". I understand the disease concept and the REBT concept and have attended two rehabilitation centers. I do not attend regular meetings but generally go a couple of times a year and will gladly go with someone else who is affraid or reluctant as support. I am still in contact with my counselors and my fellow peers from rehab. That's why I brought my question here and not to some schmuck on the street. I appreciate all of your answers and your concerns.
My fear is that she has replaced one addiction with another, and as we all know, addicts have a tendency to lie without even realizing their lying simply as a defense mechanism. I'm an avid viewer of shows like Intervention and Addicted and have done as much research on drugs and alcohol as many so-called therapists have.
I am, by no means, an enabler...however, if she's doing something harmful that can effect all parties involved, how do I bring such a topic up without simply accusing. As an addict I understand the defensive nature that jumps to the surface when such issues are brought up, whether reasonable or not. I just need some advice on how to address the situation without seeming ignorant or unsupportive. She knows well that I understand her disease. I'm just asking from one addict to another what you would do in this situation.
Thanks so much! Glad I decided to join the site!
My fear is that she has replaced one addiction with another, and as we all know, addicts have a tendency to lie without even realizing their lying simply as a defense mechanism. I'm an avid viewer of shows like Intervention and Addicted and have done as much research on drugs and alcohol as many so-called therapists have.
I am, by no means, an enabler...however, if she's doing something harmful that can effect all parties involved, how do I bring such a topic up without simply accusing. As an addict I understand the defensive nature that jumps to the surface when such issues are brought up, whether reasonable or not. I just need some advice on how to address the situation without seeming ignorant or unsupportive. She knows well that I understand her disease. I'm just asking from one addict to another what you would do in this situation.
Thanks so much! Glad I decided to join the site!
Why don't you just tell her the stuff is harmful. Maybe she doesn't know it's just as bad as other drugs/alcohol. Try it.
I don't think he's asking for relationship advice. You may want to lay off this girl who can't even defend herself. Don't be a counselor. That's not why we're here. Damn. jakeinaz I think you should just talk to your girl. Ask her what's up instead of taking advice from a stranger who thinks she knows everything.
Jaybay is my best friend on the planet (wife of many years) and is pretty damn educated and astute. She's just callin' it straight up.
In my limited experience, I'm sure your girl is hiding something/s from you. I'm sure that it will **** her off, but maybe kindly suggest counseling with a Psychologist, (not counselor). This has made a huge difference in my/our lives.
In my limited experience, I'm sure your girl is hiding something/s from you. I'm sure that it will **** her off, but maybe kindly suggest counseling with a Psychologist, (not counselor). This has made a huge difference in my/our lives.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes this person is looking for relationship advice due to the situation they are in. That is what we do on this forum. Jaybay knows exactly what she is talking about.
As for your comment about just telling her the stuff is harmful...If it was that easy these sort of forums wouldnt be needed. Educate yourself on addiction. sara
As for your comment about just telling her the stuff is harmful...If it was that easy these sort of forums wouldnt be needed. Educate yourself on addiction. sara
Jaybay is spot on with everything she has said. The original poster came here for advice and support. I agree with that you need to educate yourself on addiction before even commenting. If the the girl was here to defend her self she wouldn't even be defending herself, she would be denying everything because that's what addicts do until they realize they have a problem. This post is more forhim than it is his girlfriend even though the problem mentioned is about her. Addiction affects the people around the addict as much, if not more than the addict themself. Most of the time an addict doesn't realize this until they get clean and look back on how they have been acting or the the things they have been doing. This forum is all about offering advice and opinions that are thought to be helpful. It's what makes this forum go round. You don't have to be a counselor to do that. If you are nitpicking this post you might as well reply with a negative comment to every post on here.
Jaybay's posts are always spot on and straight forward. She know exactly what she is talking about and is great advice for this situation. Reading her replies, including her replies to this post, would make anyone with a bit of common sense think she is a counselor even if she isn't. Someone could pay $80 a hour to a counselor and still not get advice as good as what Jaybay has typed.
An addict that is actively using will say lie after lie and deny the problem til the end until the person asking just drops the conversation. Anyone that knows anything about addiction knows this.
Jaybay's posts are always spot on and straight forward. She know exactly what she is talking about and is great advice for this situation. Reading her replies, including her replies to this post, would make anyone with a bit of common sense think she is a counselor even if she isn't. Someone could pay $80 a hour to a counselor and still not get advice as good as what Jaybay has typed.
An addict that is actively using will say lie after lie and deny the problem til the end until the person asking just drops the conversation. Anyone that knows anything about addiction knows this.
is this the life u want to lead?? constantly wondering what this girl is hiding, ive been there before, and i felt like a little troll going threw my ex's s**t. i am no longer that person nor would i ever want to have a relationship like that again. i know u came here for help, but in all honestly, you arent the one who needs the help, she is. you deserve better, maybe u should open ur eyes to your addiction which is her, and realize she is harming you and would probably go further without someone like that in ur life.
para mí es muy simple. Por qué la amas? I'm sure you do for a good reason. Escuchar; I am a recovering meth addict in therapy and NA for muchos muchos years. I was taking benadryl like alot for many things. When I read the side effects were scary espantoso I really stopped immediatamente. I did not know what I was doing was very bad but when I did realize it I was done. I am ignoring all these other posts because they seem very cruel to me. cuidar de tu amor
This is Wolf's wife - Jaybay. Ya'll, please remember that this thread is not about any one of us and who is right and who is wrong. It is about JAKE. He came here for opinions and advice and we all have done that. I received a PM late last night from Jake's girlfriend, so they are obviously talking about what they are reading here. That's a good thing! I hope they both come back and let us know how they're doing, and that they're both working through their issues together now, and hopefully with a group like NA or a private counselor.
From Wolf to Michelleln1978 - Con cuidado con su hablar.
From Wolf to Michelleln1978 - Con cuidado con su hablar.
Wow! Thank you all...for everything. Granted, it's inevidible to get off topic or stray from the issue in forum threads but I appreciate the responses. You're right..it's about me and it's about her. I love her and I want whats best and that's why I seeked advice.
On a wonderfully happy note, not knowing she had seen this thread, we had a wonderful discussion and she has taken the time to learn the harmful effects of the substance and she is working towards change and I am supporting that effort 100%
Thanks for the advice all! I apreciate it!
On a wonderfully happy note, not knowing she had seen this thread, we had a wonderful discussion and she has taken the time to learn the harmful effects of the substance and she is working towards change and I am supporting that effort 100%
Thanks for the advice all! I apreciate it!
I am happy for both of you , Jake...
Michelle... por favor, respeta que los miembros del forum no tienen por qué entender español y si intercalas palabras en español sin traducirlas en tus posts sólo los haces confusos para quien los ha de leer. Gracias :)
please, respect that the members of the forum don't have to speak Spanish and if you write your posts with spanish words or expressions in that language without translating them , it is really confusing for the person reading them . Thank you :)
Michelle... por favor, respeta que los miembros del forum no tienen por qué entender español y si intercalas palabras en español sin traducirlas en tus posts sólo los haces confusos para quien los ha de leer. Gracias :)
please, respect that the members of the forum don't have to speak Spanish and if you write your posts with spanish words or expressions in that language without translating them , it is really confusing for the person reading them . Thank you :)
Thank you for that post!
Mi Espanol es muy poquito y muy muy mal, pero, intiendo su post. Yours is also more formal than is my TexMex.........Gracias.
Mi Espanol es muy poquito y muy muy mal, pero, intiendo su post. Yours is also more formal than is my TexMex.........Gracias.
Hey there...she's in another state in a treatment center. Checked in yesterday. Cross your fingers for her. Unfortunately I"ve been forced to move on. Probably best for her anyway. I'm personally ok...a lot to deal with and it has been quite the mess...but thanks!
Hey Jake,
Sounds like you are both going in the right direction. All the Best. Good Luck on moving forward. WM
Sounds like you are both going in the right direction. All the Best. Good Luck on moving forward. WM
Sorry you have had so much to deal with lately. But like you said, probably best for her anyways. Considering what was going on it is probably best for you right now also even though I'm sure it's tough. She may get out and be a whole new person.
Best of luck to you! Who knows what the future has in store.
Brian
Best of luck to you! Who knows what the future has in store.
Brian
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You are in the unfortunate and uncomfortable position of either -
1) playing DEA cop to gather evidence that will satisfy your suspicions, or
2) calmly asking her to be honest with you about the behavioral changes you've noticed.
Who knows? It may not even BE benadryl alone that is changing her behavior and sleep patterns. It may be a combination of that along with something else. You said in your first post that she is a habitual liar - even when confronted with direct evidence like the cigarettes - so you'll have to trust your own judgment. If her behavior is beyond what you can live with, it's time to go.
You're right - it's not your job to convince your girlfriend that she's an addict. It IS your job to tell her that her behavior has become a problem, and her actions have consequences to your relationship with her. It is also your job to determine what those consequences will be as far as your life with her is concerned and make them clear to her. How you say it probably won't matter. She's going to be angry; she's going to be defensive; she's going to deny; she's going to lie; and she probably won't change a thing, but you'll have it all out on the table with honesty.
In one way you are being an enabler. You are enabling your girlfriend's addiction problems to run your life. How much time do you spend wondering what you'll find when you get home from work? How much of your life do you want to spend having to count pills? How many sleepless nights do want to endure while you watch her to see if she's still breathing? Your relationship is already turning toxic because she won't work her recovery, and frankly it doesn't sound like she's recovered from squat at the moment.
Let's look at what you've written. Your girlfriend
1) Is an alcoholic/ addict
2) Has harmed herself and continues to harm herself with substance abuse
3) Is now harming YOUR life with continued substance abuse
4) Is a liar
5) Is unemployable in her chosen profession as a consequence of her addiction
6) Refuses to work a recovery program and wants to pretend everything is just fine.
What is left in this relationship for YOU?