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Dreaming about my abusive ex-husband when will it stop?
When will I stop dreaming about my ex-husband? We have been divorced for 10 months. I keep dreaming that we get back together, or he is with another woman and I am hurt, or other variations on these themes. Every dream is soooo emotionally charged. I end up crying for hours the next day. I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive man for 20 years. He was very controlling and made me so anxious I was physically sick. I got the courage to divorce him in spite of the fact that I love him. I knew that I must to survive - the life I had would have killed me eventually. But now I'm having these dreams that are tearing me apart. I see a psychologist, and I am working through understanding what happend, but I am so tired of being sad all the time. Has anyone been through something like this? When does my heart heal?
Today, as most every day I awoke from a nightmare, it was al lovely, and fun dream, then he showed up. I was married to my abuser for 15 years, have been divorced for 16 and in now married to a very kind man.
When will it stop. I also lost my Mom to cancer 40 years ago, and she, too, is in most of my dreams, but they are not good, she is indifferent and sometimes mean to me.
Why do I still have my Ex-abuser haunting me in my dreams?
When will it stop. I also lost my Mom to cancer 40 years ago, and she, too, is in most of my dreams, but they are not good, she is indifferent and sometimes mean to me.
Why do I still have my Ex-abuser haunting me in my dreams?
i understand you completely. my husband was wonderful at first he did anything just to spend time with me but within the first two years of living to gether i noticed a change. and was stupid to stay for ten years. i spent every holiday alone he would refuse to come i would constently lie to our children that he had to work but kids r smart they soon figured it out. it just hurt so much to see the look in their eye when they new he just didnt wanna be with us. he was to into having fun with his buddies or alone drinking, pott, dealing, fishing but for the kids i kept trying. i began to fight back by telling him what he was doing to everyone and all it did was become my fault because i shouldnt make plans with him he too busy. we started fighting about it alot cause even though i stayed and allowed it im not one to give up but he began throwingme on the floor or in our gravel drive repeatedlyu shoving my head into the ground. this went on for 8 years. i began to not want sex with him cause i was so hurt that he didnt keep his promise to us i left him many times over ten years and always went back from him promising things would change.he became sexually abusive and after awhile i didnt have the power to fight back i just gave up. im in the middle of my divorce now and its really gettting hard. he never wanted anything to do with the birth of our children and never been to a birthday of theirs never. now after this last year has gone by im feeling cheated be him. he wont stop trying to kiss me when we exchange the kids, and will contact me about what im missing out on when he has them and says i can make it all stop if i stop the divorce (we will be a happy family like i and kids were promised in the beginning) some have told me he may stop after the divorce is final but i have serious doubts. why cant he allow us to move on when he never wanted us around
To Stillgrowing Lisa,
When I saw your post, I had to reply. I sooo Understand..and then some..I just had a nightmare last night..my ex trying to kill my violently. I have other scary dreams with him but still cannot understand why I cannot get him out of my dreams.
It took me 16 years to leave, and you're right...it never starts out as bad as it is..it just gets worse over time. My ex was verbally, and emotionally abusive, and in the end sexually abusive. The worst part is I left state with my children to get away from him. He was able to convince the courts because of a state statute, to have the kids live with him.'
I testifed to the abuse of ALL kinds...graffic descritptions, but because I had no medical or police evidence...and he had a really high paid scummy layer, and a huge family that also lied to the judge for him, I lost my temp custody of my kids and they were ordered back to him. Its been just over two years now, and even when my daughter tried to beg the judge to let her come live with me, the judge accused me of "pressuring" her.
My heart is aching. Not only did my ex take my dignity, he robbed me of my children, and they now both hate him for it.
I have a hard time sleeping at night, but being a victim of sexual abuse, and since my ex was addicted to rape porn, I worry every day what is going on in the household. The judge merely told him to "remove all pornagraphic material from home"...talk about a slap on the wrist.
Some days I get so angry at myself, for not calling the cops on him. I cannot stand the sight of him when picking up kids. He is So manipulative and controlling, he will call several times daily while the children are with me.
To make matters worse, he tells the the kids "he controls them now, and they do not get to decide what they want"..like living with me.
I am a perfect Mom, even the ad litem said so...the courts just let me down, because he made himself out to be so great and with so much family support..even thought they are all disfunctioanal..Dui's, arrests, bankruptcies, multiple divorces, alcoholism..etc etc.
Just be glad your ex does not have your children. I feel like I have been robbed of my happiness, because I ran to safety. Luckily, I have a good amount of family here, and am remarried now, but it will be long time before things are ever "wonderful"....or even normal. God Bless you.
When I saw your post, I had to reply. I sooo Understand..and then some..I just had a nightmare last night..my ex trying to kill my violently. I have other scary dreams with him but still cannot understand why I cannot get him out of my dreams.
It took me 16 years to leave, and you're right...it never starts out as bad as it is..it just gets worse over time. My ex was verbally, and emotionally abusive, and in the end sexually abusive. The worst part is I left state with my children to get away from him. He was able to convince the courts because of a state statute, to have the kids live with him.'
I testifed to the abuse of ALL kinds...graffic descritptions, but because I had no medical or police evidence...and he had a really high paid scummy layer, and a huge family that also lied to the judge for him, I lost my temp custody of my kids and they were ordered back to him. Its been just over two years now, and even when my daughter tried to beg the judge to let her come live with me, the judge accused me of "pressuring" her.
My heart is aching. Not only did my ex take my dignity, he robbed me of my children, and they now both hate him for it.
I have a hard time sleeping at night, but being a victim of sexual abuse, and since my ex was addicted to rape porn, I worry every day what is going on in the household. The judge merely told him to "remove all pornagraphic material from home"...talk about a slap on the wrist.
Some days I get so angry at myself, for not calling the cops on him. I cannot stand the sight of him when picking up kids. He is So manipulative and controlling, he will call several times daily while the children are with me.
To make matters worse, he tells the the kids "he controls them now, and they do not get to decide what they want"..like living with me.
I am a perfect Mom, even the ad litem said so...the courts just let me down, because he made himself out to be so great and with so much family support..even thought they are all disfunctioanal..Dui's, arrests, bankruptcies, multiple divorces, alcoholism..etc etc.
Just be glad your ex does not have your children. I feel like I have been robbed of my happiness, because I ran to safety. Luckily, I have a good amount of family here, and am remarried now, but it will be long time before things are ever "wonderful"....or even normal. God Bless you.
Hi there. Well, I'm so glad you got away!! I would speak to your doctor. You may be suffering from PTSD after the trauma this man caused you. Come here any time for support dear. We have a PTSD forum as well as this one and many more. Wishing you lots of luck and commend you for escaping. Peace and luck to you
I just got out of a 12 year emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. He was controlling, manipulative, and broke things in the house while he was yelling at me. He was a pathological liar, but if I caught him in a lie he got mad and turned on me. I am awake right now, at 2:30am m, because I had a nightmare about him again. We have 4 kids, he only has supervised visitation and I have an order of protection against me. In my nightmare he violates the order of protection, harasses me and tries to get me to take him back. When I her scared and beg him to go away he starts yelling at me and getting in my face. These nightmares feel so real because it used to be my reality. Like you, I also loved him when I divorced him. When I wake up from these nightmares I feel terrified and my heart won't stop racing. I want the nightmares to end :0(
Hi. Our mind is an amazing thing. We can subconsciously try to work out things while asleep that are troubling us deep down. Not even aware that you are still thinking about something, your subconscious will go there and try to "work it out". Sometimes we can suffer post traumatic stress syndrome after certain events in our life as well and certainly, escaping a violent and abusive partner could lead to that.
I lost my mother tragically and would love to have wonderful, pleasant dreams about her. I don't. 99 percent of the time they are dreams I do not want---- nightmares really where she is dying again or hates me and has been hiding from me all these years or both. She's been gone for 17 years and I loved that woman so very very much and miss her terribly. It is the great tragidy of my life. That I have dreams like this could be puzzling to some. But I know that I'm troubled by her death and my subconscious brings me back to that. What I do when I have these dreams is to see them as my mind trying to help me rather than hurt me---- to help me work through my subconscious thoughts so that I can be free of the pain. I rarely have the dreams anymore. I switch to happy thoughts when I wake from a bad dream about my mother's dying---- actively go to something else.
I think therapists are really terrific for these sorts of things. Rather than letting your mind subconsciously bring up the issues you still struggle with internally, a therapist can work on them with you to bring clarity sooner.
good luck
I lost my mother tragically and would love to have wonderful, pleasant dreams about her. I don't. 99 percent of the time they are dreams I do not want---- nightmares really where she is dying again or hates me and has been hiding from me all these years or both. She's been gone for 17 years and I loved that woman so very very much and miss her terribly. It is the great tragidy of my life. That I have dreams like this could be puzzling to some. But I know that I'm troubled by her death and my subconscious brings me back to that. What I do when I have these dreams is to see them as my mind trying to help me rather than hurt me---- to help me work through my subconscious thoughts so that I can be free of the pain. I rarely have the dreams anymore. I switch to happy thoughts when I wake from a bad dream about my mother's dying---- actively go to something else.
I think therapists are really terrific for these sorts of things. Rather than letting your mind subconsciously bring up the issues you still struggle with internally, a therapist can work on them with you to bring clarity sooner.
good luck
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