Dreaming about my abusive ex-husband when will it stop?

[stillgrowingLisa]

When will I stop dreaming about my ex-husband?  We have been divorced for 10 months.  I keep dreaming that we get back together, or he is with another woman and I am hurt, or other variations on these themes.  Every dream is soooo emotionally charged.  I end up crying for hours the next day.  I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive man for 20 years.  He was very controlling and made me so anxious I was physically sick.  I got the courage to divorce him in spite of the fact that I love him.  I knew that I must to survive - the life I had would have killed me eventually.   But now I'm having these dreams that are tearing me apart.  I see a psychologist, and I am working through understanding what happend, but I am so tired of being sad all the time.  Has anyone been through something like this?  When does my heart heal?

[Karey17]

I too suffered dreams after my abusive marriage. They always went the same way. I would find myself dreaming that we were back together. I cannot adequately describe the fear, agitation and sick feelings that Always resulted from the dreams.

I did some research on dream analysis. And they all said the same thing......

UNFINISHED BUSINESS .....

That really, really p****d me off. I mean how much more could I take of this???

But then I learned that at the very, very bottom lay my fear that I was untrustworthy. I couldn't rely on myself to keep myself SAFE.

Took a long while to work through this. Logic and rational thinking have nothing to do with the Reptilian part of the brain. UNLESS it is brought out into the open. Then you can start to create new ways of thinking.

I hope this helps.....

[teko]

Are you sure you are not confusing love with co dependency? I am not sure it is possible to love someone who abuses or hurts you, is it? Maybe your identity of yourself is in that time period? I am guessing it is co dependency and you might think about counseling if not already in it. You need to learn a new way of thinking apart from the way you lived for so long. Or you will be in the midst of another relationship just like it if not the same one all over again.

[stillgrowingLisa]

Thanks for the advice !  I'm going to work towards "getting out there".  I feel like I'm starting my adult life over again.  A hard, yet good thing.  I like the sound of "only 41" .  Thanks.  : )

[allmymarbles]

Sure. Doll your self up and buy a pretty dress. Take a cruise if you can afford it. Gve parties. Goodness, you are only 41. In this day and age you are just a kid.

[stillgrowingLisa]

Thanks for your reply.  You may have something there.  I don't feel ready to be in a relationship or date yet, but my mind does go there (dating and sex) more and more....  by the way, is there a social scene for middle aged divorced moms?  Ha!  

[allmymarbles]

Maybe the dreams you are having are based on sex, not love. You probably do not have a partner right now. Join the social scene. Find one.