Hi everyone...

[vicki595]

I don't have a question but an observation I'd like to share with everyone.  

I've been noticing some posts to members that seem to be falling a little short of our objective here: addicts helping addicts. I truly believe that some of the best therapy an addict can receive is support and compassion from another addict(or someone with vast addiction experience as with a family member.)

I'm remembering when I first came to MH. Along with the turmoil I was feeling,I was now puting myself out to the world. That's an extremely vulnerable position to be in. I had no idea how this thing operated or how to navigate around. I read all the guidelines,of course, but did they "stick". No. I had a lot going on. I didn't know that it was wrong to talk about amounts of pills,how they made or didn't make me feel, what the acceptable vernacular was. Not to talk about the way I was tapering,IN DETAIL!! LOL   I guess I read all that but my mind was elswhere. I was only thinking about myself and how the hell I was going to live.

I do know that had I encountered critism,lectures,censor,sarcasm,and anything close to negativity from my fellow addicts here...I would have been looking for a rope to hang myself with instead of a life preserver...Thankfully,I didn't encounter any of that!  I remember the FIRST person who posted to me: "Norco Queen of the Universe" and my first "friend", "GottaQit". I was good with that AND their beautiful words!!

I try to remeber that when I post to folks and I know sometimes I fail at saying the best thing! For everyone, I think it's important to support our new members the best way we know how. If someone says or explains something in any questionable way, or posts 16 threads in the same day, etc...it might be better to guide them toward the manner in which the forum flows,respectfully, and let a few things slide with a little explanation to the new member on how things are done on this forum.

There are two things I try never to do (and sometimes I fail), I try not to put any guilt or fear into a thread; these threads will be here for millions to see, well into the future, and we're already guilty and fearful when we get here!

I hope my peers accept my message here in the manner in which I've written it. With love.

A huge welcome to all our NEW MEMBERS!!   (one month or less I'd say?)  

I hope everyone accepts this post in the manner in which I've written it; with love.

[littlebit667]

Read all the posts and appreciate the intent!  This place saved me from myself and I hope to help as much as I can.  It is a good reminder to weigh my words.  Thanks to those what helped me with their words!  It made all the difference.

[vicki595]

Okay listen:  Thanks everyone for posting and for all the kind words...very sweet and I appreciate it.   Ha! I'm almost embarrassed at my freak out!  But,I'm reactionary and there was my reaction to some of  the comments. In a way, I wish they were all still here so some of you wouldn't be sitting there scratching your head. So be it...

Please know that I handled my desperation the only way I knew: I ate half a cake. Please everyone, stay on track and when I say "everyone" that's exactly what I mean...

Now, excuse me. It's "bedtime" and I have something better to do. No offense!

[Ashelen]

Vicki should I come kick your butt? 'Cause I will. I respect you more than can say without sounding like a big sap (or a stalker...?)....what you said was said in love and with the best intentions....some people are in a vulnerable stage of their life and take things personally, some people are just outspoken, so you know that you will NEVER ha ve 100% accordance on anything (sorry if this msg is a little funny my spacebar keeps flubbing up)....but most of us support your message, so that should say a lot.

big hugs Vicki...what you do is amazing, and you're an awesome friend who I wouldn't trade for the world. <3

[mellie4]

I guess I missed all the negativity, but Vicki, you, along with a few others, have been a tremendous help in me sorting out all the stuff I needed to sort out!!!  And it was a LOT!  And I am only one of a very large number of people you have helped.  God Bless You <3 X0X

[Dane74]

Vicki, you are an INSPIRATION to all of us on here, and I know many people are clean and sober because of all the knowledge and support you have given to all.  I must have missed what's going on here, but i can tell you this, Vicki, you are an amazing women and if someone gave you a hard time it's only for one reason....Jealous!  Please, do not let someone put yourself at risk over something so stupid.  There are so many people on here that need you and have your back...OK  We love you girl and remember your amazing and so helpful to others, don't let some idiot **** you off.  Put this behind you, i am so sorry for what happened, i don't know what happened but its obvious it was hurtful and i am sorry.  

[vicki595]

Might as well bump this one up, as well. Even though the OFFENSES are no longer available due to a deletion. But,maybe there will still be a message in there...I don't know. I can't remember...

[ImDONENoMore]

OH come on vicki - you are WAY too smart to let any of the nonsense that may have taken place here mess with your sobriety.

You're stronger than that.  And you know it.  (and if you don't know it there are PLENTY of people here to remind you of that).

Now go do something FUN today and put this place out of your mind for a while.

[Jade59]

  ♪Dry your eyes and take your song out, it's a newborn afternoon♪  

                ♥~~*~~**~~♥~~(((((♥Vicki♥)))))~~♥~~**~~*~~♥

[Lindsay_T]

Hi Vicky,
You did nothing wrong. I remember how I felt when I first started posting. I was so angry and negative. I cussed and moaned. The best replies focused on what I needed to DO and not what I needed to post or not post!
I remember you replied to me SO many times, and it really helped! You know what's going on; you want to share your knowledge with others. That's a good thing!
Please remember: hurt people hurt people. It's not about you, what you advised, or what you posted. It's all about ME! Just kidding, but seriously, I would've freaked out if it weren't for your help and THAT should stick in your heart!
Love and hugs, LINDSAY (yes i am back) day one-half.

[dominosarah]

Come on vicki, you know that isnt the answer.  You rise above this.  We cant control what others think.  Dont give anyone else YOUR power.  You are better than that.  I know you are hurting and rightfully so.  Put on some music, grab some coffee and chill for a bit.  You know i am here for you along with many others.  I "heart" you girl~~sara

[vicki595]

When I wrote this post yesterday, my intentions were pure and I mean that. It never occurred to me that it would stir up old or new hostilities; it just didn't. Unfortunately, it has and I feel terrible...Although some of the posts here have been removed, it doesn't change the fact that I read them and felt their impact. It's hurt me; I'm sure more than it should have.  

As with some others, I've always felt that the forum was a safe and very fun place to be. It doesn't feel safe or fun anymore or at least right now...Yup!!  I'm hurting in ways that I can't even articulate and it's scaring me. I know what my past coping mechanisms have been and that mechanism is looking pretty good to me right now. I need to go assuage this pain but the only way I can think of to do that is terrifying to me...

[vicki595]

It's interesting to me that this is the first time,since you've been a member here, that you and I have ever had a one to one exchange. Here it is:

I honestly have no idea who or what you think is behind this thread. Like you, I can post or start a thread whenever I want to. Yesterday I wanted to.

How is it my fault when someone refers to me as "Sarg" (sergeant) ?  LOL

The last time I started a thread was August 28th. That was 8 days ago and in my world, it isn't a very long time...

Yes, you certainly can go to the Moderators for help and advice and I know they all welcome that!  At the same time, I know you're aware that your particular style of posting is not always acceptable; ergo last night when your posts were deleted.  But, that's really not for me to judge. I can only judge my own actions and if you feel that my posts lack support and compassion you can always send me a message or contact MH. I'm not sure what would help you reconcile your feelings, though. The fact that you don't happen to like me is your own personl issue.

I hope your posts remain here. I really do. You're entitled to your opinion,thoughts,and feelings. Of course, I don't know how helpful they are and they surely don't promote anything that could be construed as having a positive impact on the forum, but again, that's only my opinion.

[laurel453]

you had a point when she said what she said... maybe you could have given a more  softening explanation of the reasons to say so to counter balance the reaction but on the whole, you were right, imo. I don't mind reading of others about not being clean, not all because this is the goal of the forum: supporting people who are on active addiction and wants to quit but i don't feel like reading about being high is good to me, that's all.....

[dominosarah]

Go to the bottom of this page, click on contact us and you can ask them the questions you have listed.  Have a good night~~

[dominosarah]

We all need to be reminded of where we came from so thank you vicki for this post.  I have to stop and think quite often before i write as i am one of the ones who usually tell it like it is.  I was never coddled or pampered when i came here, i got the truth and no bs!!  I have to remember not everyone is like i am so this is a good reminder for me.  Some feel i am too harsh at times, i may be but it comes from the heart.  I want nothing but success for everyone who starts this journey.    sara

[vicki595]

You're right. The out come would have been very different. But, the thing is, I didn't put this up toward any one thing or person. I intended for it to be general. If I thought it was going to disintigrate to this stage with people getting personal and posts getting deleted, I wouldn't have bothered...

[cleaninitup]

It probably could of been worded in a different way then. Every post on here talks about drug use and i guess it just depends on the words they use to discribe it? So if she had said"I am under the influence of marijuana that i bought illegally" it would of been a different outcome. I read everyday people asking if if they are getting from a doc or getting their drugs on the street nd how much they are paying per pill or per day. Its a slippery slope when one person gets told not to say something when many others are doing it. This is an argument that nobody is going to win.

[overeasy]

I really dont think they dont come here because she posted that she had used and was currently under the influence.  They dont come here because it can get depressing and the constant talk about drugs and how to get off is somewhat overwhelming to some that have just gotten clean.  I get it- you know why- because I am a addict.  

We are not supposed to come here if we are not clean?!?  Im sorry but most of us addicts started on this site to figure out a way to get clean and how to start the process.  

[Meilena_MHModerator]

Please keep in mind the original topic of the poster and refrain from targeting any discussion towards one member or members directly.

[atthebeach]

(or someone with vast addiction experience as with a family member.) yes that would be me. no i am not an addict. i was very much a recreational user for many years. i am the wife of a recovering addict, my 25 year old is also recovering. my 20 yr old daughter is still experimenting.
i know this thread was starting because of what i wrote on a thread last night, that did get deleted.
many times it is hard to know the tone in which posts are written. i have never belittled,berated,yelled or criticized anyone. my posts are nothing more than supportive and encouraging.
i was looking out for the other addicts or newly recovering addicts on the forum when i stated that she shouldnt say she is h*gh and the language of using shouldnt be used.
there have definitely been others who have been told not to come here when they are h*gh and to stop the usage language by other veteran members.
i know of many members who have told me they dont come here anymore because it is a trigger. so if someone sees I"M H*GH. i scored, i copped that is not cool. i was merely pointing out that fact.
i was then criticized and then someone made a comment about the LORD which was definitely uncalled for and then today jokes about being sinners.
now was that necessary?????    definitely not.
so lets all be sensitive to others about their posts and also about their beliefs.

[Ashelen]

Also, and I hope people actually read this...I want to remind everyone of something that goes back to basic psychology:

An addict simply cannot imagine what it feels like to be, and to think, sober. So they might have absolutely no idea that talking about getting drugs or talking about what their highs feel like might cause someone who's achieved sobriety to relapse or to struggle...

so remember...when you were using, you probably wouldn't think a single thing about talking about your drug of choice..so my guess would be that until you were finally sober and clear, you didn't realize what that kind of speech could do to a recovering addict...

just something to keep in mind next time someone is "fresh" at this :-)

[vicki595]

Hey! Hi!  How long has it been? Three weeks since you've posted anything on the forum? And now you feel it necessary to come on the forum and say that?  That's okay; it illistrated my point.

[Ashelen]

Very good points, Vicki...like mellie, I'm not here for "addiction" but rather "dependence"....but if a word from here or there can help someone fighting the good fight, I'm happy to lend what strength I can..and while the mental part of addiction isn't my forte', I can give some good tips on the physical detox. so I swing by here a LOT (also sniffing around for any pregnant ladies who might need my unique brand of help and experience lol)....I posted earlier today doing exactly what you're talking about in this post...looking past ill-thought words and what people might consider "inappropriate" comments to give support to someone who was scared and dealing with a lot of self-recrimination.

It's hard to watch someone get berated when they're in the grips of something they have no idea how to control...so I always try to be supportive and kind...but then, I'm also not the sort of person in danger of relapsing if someone talks too much about getting high...so I have the blessed ability to remain objective. I do understand when members sometimes get short or frustrated, so I try to do what I do on the pregnancy forum in spades by playing peacemaker...and I hope no one is offended or angry at me when I do that..it's just what I do.

I do know that if anyone ever has a problem with the way a new member (or an old member..in some cases...) is speaking or acting, contacting the mods to sort it out can sometimes help....but sometimes they'll just delete a post when the person REALLY needs help...so I would posit that if you CAN ignore something that has upset you, that can be a very good policy. We deal with abortion on the pregnancy forum all the time, and I'm constantly running around biting at people's ankles trying to remind them to be kind, supportive, and objective rather than judgmental or rude..sometimes I feel like a sheepdog...so I understand completely where you're coming from Vicki. we can all take something away from your post <3 with love x 2, lol!

[spanky595]

        
One addict best understands another.   We no what they are going through.  The pain and suffering of another addict. But life does get better without drugs.