Need help with Vicodin...which way to go?

[TexasO]

Hey guys. I just wanted to get some advice. I am currently 32 years old and have been on Vicodin for the last 5 years. Before that i was a heavy pot smoker since my junior year in college but stopped 5 years ago when I had a terrible panic attack from it. I graduated with a bachelors in business management with a 3.85 gpa in 2004 and since then been pretty much unemployed because I was always on drugs and that's all I wanted in life. I tried doing some Internet selling from time to time but it's not working out anymore. I have tried applying for jobs but no one calls me because of my lack of work experience. I have 3 kids now and my wife has a job that basically pays the bills. We live in an apartment. I have quit the pills a few times so I can get my life together but when no one is calling me I start buying them again as I can't take the hopelessness and despair. I really love my kids and would love to provide them a good life but I can't seem to get a job. They call but never follow through. Like I said I'm 32 but very smart but to be honest with you I feel like my life is over. Every time I think about all the years that have passed doing nothing and constantly being on pills it drives me crazy and gives me panic attacks. It's gotten so bad that when I wake up and realize how things are it scares me into waking up. I can't go to sleep after that. I tried talking to my parents and brothers but they are cold and have no interest in listening to me. In my culture emotions are not really shared between guys. It's killing me inside that no one is listening. I feel like I'm in a very deep hole and to be honest with you I don't see light at the end of the tunnel. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?. I have no idea where to go. 

[TexasO]

Firstly I appreciate all the encouragement and kind words. I did tell my wife and she is supportive but since she has a lot on her plate with her job and the 3 kids, I kind of just keep it to myself. I have sold everything I own even my iPhone to buy these pills and what makes it hard is that being unemployed I have nothing to do so I go back to them. I'll keep applying and hopefully things will change because my kids deserve better. 

[Fireby29]

Hang in there brother, many of us are hydro addicts, myself included.  When you can get detoxed I think some therapy would help you get these feelings off your chest.  Can you talk to your wife about it?  You will get tons of good advice, but getting off the hydros is game one, and then you can move on with your feelings.  I understand, believe me, how easy the next pill seems, but it is NOT helping you deal with problems, just slowly rusting them into your brain.  Sending good thoughts your way, feel free to pm me if you have a question, the regulars on here are OUTSTANDING, you will get some great tools to help.

Bryan

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome, you will find support here.

[kyle505]

Welcome...
I can state, with certainty, that at least part of what you're feeling is a result of your pill use. I am older, have a good business, great children, etc., but when I was abusing Norco (10 a day for over a year) I'd wake up and feel the same fear and panic, and then couldn't go back to sleep. All I'd think about then was taking my next round of pills. From what you've written, it seems that you have a lot going for you; it's just a tough time in the job market right now.
I can promise you that if you get off the meds you will start seeing things much clearer and be much more motivated to continue your job search.
We are here - we are listening. Others will be along soon to offer you more help and support. Important thing is, you keep coming back, and keep posting.