Heroin relapse & just found out I'm pregnant --- need help & info!

[p1x1edu5t]

After a few years clean, i relapsed on heroin. First snorting but quickly escalated to shooting. I relapsed not long after Valentine's Day - so, i've been actively getting high for exactly 6 weeks.
Last week, I realized my per was late...so I took a home pregnancy test - the results were blurry, although it showed a plus (for pregnant), one of the lines of the plus was barely visible, so I was skeptical. My bf & I talked about it, decided to wait another few days & i would take the home pregnancy test again - I did & this time, I got the digital one....and the results were clear both times (2 in a box) : PREGNANT!!!
So, of course i'm freaking out. I'm feeling so guilty & ashamed that I relapsed & now on top of that, I may be contributing to someone else's life being cut short or being eff-ed up - my baby's. Please please please help me someone! I can get off the H & will get off the H because I want this baby more than I want anything else in life & i want the baby to be healthy, beautiful & not having to deal with addiction/withdrawals before it's even born!
I was told to taper, not to stop abruptly (which I wanted to do when i was panicking) because it could trigger my body to miscarry. What plan of action do you suggest? A taper ....should i reduce H use day by day & then stop?
I do NOT want to do methodone or anything subs b/c I need another addiction just like I need another hole in my head.
I would rather do this the old fashioned way - to grit my teeth through the uncomfortability of taking just enough H so i don't get sick & keep reducing more & more.
Note: my daily use was about a bun. I'm down to 5 bags today & want to reduce to 3 tomorrow. Is that ok? Does that sound safe (for the baby, I mean)...Any suggestions or helpful words would be much appreciated.
I'm so scared to lose this baby. I'm such an idiot. I can't BELIEVE I let that crap sucker me in yet AGAIN!!! I'm so angry with myself!! If ANYTHING happens to this baby, I will never forgive myself - because whatever happens is all my fault & should remember it for the rest of my life.

[PillDevil]

Hope it all works out. Seems like you
need this baby for your sobriety.

[ActingBrandNew]

Thats good you have an appointment with your doc. The problem with tapering from heroin is there's no set potency in every bag. You may get some stronger than the last and so on not to mention all the garbage they cut heroin with. Trust me...Im an ex heroin addict. And obviously you dont want to go cold turkey if your trying to keep the baby. Talk to your doctor about methadone.

Standard Protocol

When a pregnant woman wants to detoxify from opiates or other opioids, the recognized standard of care, according to the National Health Institute, is methadone treatment while under a doctor's supervision. Methadone is not known to cause birth defects nor have any long-term affects on a baby. There are other medications available for opiate detoxification such, as Suboxone (buprenorphine/naloxone), or Subutex, (buprenorphine), but because they are "Pregnancy Category C" medications, meaning they are known to cause harmful and possibly fatal birth defects on a fetus, the are not recommended for use in detoxifying pregnant women.

______________________________________________________

"If a mother stops using the drug "cold turkey," the fetus will then experience withdrawal symptoms in the womb, with may cause wide swings in the baby's blood level from intoxication to withdrawal, which often times leads to death and spontaneous abortion, premature birth, and other negative effects. The best thing for the mother to do would be to consult a health care provider or drug treatment center about a methadone program, which will be less harmful for the baby."

Good luck and God bless!

[dutchcrunch]

6 weeks isn't long to be strung out, ur w/d should be minimal, but do consult a physician!

[p1x1edu5t]

Thanks, but I was sober 2 years, not 4.
And yeah, the withdrawals have started - feeling the familiar aches & pains in my back & neck & all joints.
At least i'm not vomiting & having diarrhea......yet. Well, i'm gona stick it out until 5 at work & if i continue to feel worse, the weekend is here & i could just hide from the world under covers & try to sleep it off.

[p1x1edu5t]

And I didn't use meetings or church or any of that - I just stayed sober before because i wanted to. I didn't want the life of a junkie on streets that i had before, living from one bag to the next. Ugh, just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine.

I called my OB/GYN & told them i think I'm pregnant. I'm 2 weeks late & tested positive on 4 home pregnancy tests. They scheduled me for Wed. When i go, I'll feel her behavior out & if i feel safe, then i will come clean but if not & i'm already sober, what's the point?

[p1x1edu5t]

Haha, my bf is the biggest square on the planet. He didn't even know when i was using because he didn't know what a person looks like when they are high on heroin. LOL
He wants this baby & has been supportive about me getting off the H & my relapse, in general. I'm so grateful he's in my life.
Why i relapsed ---- that's the irony. I relapsed b/c me & my bf started trying to get pregnant & i got my period, which indicated i WASN'T preggo yet. I was so upset & went into hysterics thinking i couldn't have kids. And I had very easy access to the H when i was under this duress - that it seemed like a good idea. Then i was running around, getting high & so busy & caught up that i didn't realize i was late. Talk about irony.

[atthebeach]

Hun what caused your relapse
  That's awesome you were clean for 4 years.
Were you attending meetings, ,counseling, church?
To help prevent relapse?
Does you bf also use?

Have you experienced any withdrawal?

[Ldytaz]

Im glad u r going to the dr.I would try and get in sooner if poss.Maybe standby.. Let me tell u what happened to me.I have been going to this "free"not clinic for my reg.blood pressure meds.for 11 years.never teeling them about my pain dr or that I was on loritab.Well,last year they sent me in for blood work and when it came back she treated me as if I was lying for 11 years,it was horrible.I have never went back.I felt low they found the methadone in me and she went off..I now go to another clinic here and told them all up front.they treat me with respect and tell me that they r happy I am trying to take my life back.They have even told me when I am ready we will talk about alt.pain management.the other dr told me I was an addict and needed to live with my pain.Ouch that hurt!!Please be up front with them this is the only way u can get the help needed for u and your baby.god bless and keep us informed

[p1x1edu5t]

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for next week, Wed.
I'm going to start a taper though before that. Yesterday was 5, today is 2 bags - just enough to keep the withdrawals from kicking in full force & causing damage to the fetus.
Tomorrow, i'm going to try to go without any.
I'm scared to tell the OB/GYN b/c not all of them are as understanding as some of the wonderful stories I've heard from people. Sometimes, the doctors punish their patients severely.

[Ldytaz]

I agree..If u want the baby and to have him/her to be born healthy u should tell ur dr and decide together on the best plan for u...with that said... it is great that u realize how important this is and r trying to get clean.You need a lot of support emotionally and medically.good luck and welcome to our community.. Oh u have to stop feeling guilty now and move forward with your program whatever it may be...

[dominosarah]

You really need to get ahold of a doctor and tell them what is going on.

[Crbj83]

I sent you a message :) I hope It helps :) jus know your not alone ..... And there is lots of great advice and help for you here :)