Aa
5 months clean from coke
5 months ago i hated my family, i hated myself, i hated my life and it was torture waking up in the morning. i was a functioning cokehead that worked, but i hid a terrible secret, well at least i thought i did cause deep down i knew everyone knew i was using a lot. 30-40 lines a day is not healthy and it took it's toll.
today i am 5 months clean and i love my family, i love myself and i love my life again. im about to start back to work fulltime monday and am lucky cause we have a family business and i love my job. im about to start playing golf again, my passion, it was my life for a while as i attended college and was gonna turn pro, but i have no regrets about that aspect now, i love my job. i have met an amazing women and this is the only time in my life i know she is the one :). i feel like a COMPLETELY different man and i want to let anyone out there know that recovery is possible. i truly believed it was impossible to get clean and be happy, but man, i feel ******* good. life without drugs is a life.
ty to all my friends here for their support, you are amazing and i couldn't have done this without you. this forum has kept me clean.
today i am 5 months clean and i love my family, i love myself and i love my life again. im about to start back to work fulltime monday and am lucky cause we have a family business and i love my job. im about to start playing golf again, my passion, it was my life for a while as i attended college and was gonna turn pro, but i have no regrets about that aspect now, i love my job. i have met an amazing women and this is the only time in my life i know she is the one :). i feel like a COMPLETELY different man and i want to let anyone out there know that recovery is possible. i truly believed it was impossible to get clean and be happy, but man, i feel ******* good. life without drugs is a life.
ty to all my friends here for their support, you are amazing and i couldn't have done this without you. this forum has kept me clean.
congratulations, gizzy! you are well on your way.
it was suggested to me at about five months that I "keep [my] seatbelt fastened,
because the ride has just started and it's going to pick up speed." It was a good suggestion, the ride did pick up speed and it keeps getting better and better.
during that period it really helped me to remember two things.
first, was that i got hit with PAWS about every 6 to 8 weeks. it only lasted a few days, but i'd hit it like a brick wall --- it would feel like the end, like i had been fooling myself in thinking that i could find Recovery, that i was doomed to use and that i needed to use immediately. what i helped was being able to remember that it was just PAWS, it might have felt "real," but it was just PAWS. even though it felt like it was going to last FOREVER, i knew it would pass if i just waited it out. as a bonus, i had the knowledge that every time i got through a round it seemed that i emerged into a new and better place in my Recovery.
second, was that cravings just don't matter. for me, cravings come and cravings go. i view them as simply a part of my disease. initially, they really upset me. it wasn't so much that i thought i had to, or would, cave. it was more an issue of "how the hell can i be wanting that stuff NOW, after all i've been through, after all i've lost, after i've come so far????" initially, they seemed to be clear and convincing evidence that i was (as i had long suspected) a truly worthless person. i came to believe that feelings such as that are just another lie of my disease. i am not a worthless person: i am a good person who happens to have the disease of addiction and cravings are simply a part of that disease.
i learned not to "fight" cravings, but to simply let them pass over and through me. a metaphor that i found useful was thinking of cravings as waves at the beach . . . waves that hit me as I stand right where they are breaking. if i "square off" against the waves, if i try to hold them back with my strength and my will, i am going to lose. they are too powerful, there are too many and they just keep coming and coming.
so i don't fight the waves. instead of squaring off and trying to hold my ground, i simply turn sideways and let them wash right past me. i let them wash right past me and i'm ok. part of the trick is ALWAYS telling someone when the waves start hitting --- not telling seems to make they waves bigger and seems to be a part of thinking i can square off against them.
don't change your clean date, no matter what.
CATUF
1039
it was suggested to me at about five months that I "keep [my] seatbelt fastened,
because the ride has just started and it's going to pick up speed." It was a good suggestion, the ride did pick up speed and it keeps getting better and better.
during that period it really helped me to remember two things.
first, was that i got hit with PAWS about every 6 to 8 weeks. it only lasted a few days, but i'd hit it like a brick wall --- it would feel like the end, like i had been fooling myself in thinking that i could find Recovery, that i was doomed to use and that i needed to use immediately. what i helped was being able to remember that it was just PAWS, it might have felt "real," but it was just PAWS. even though it felt like it was going to last FOREVER, i knew it would pass if i just waited it out. as a bonus, i had the knowledge that every time i got through a round it seemed that i emerged into a new and better place in my Recovery.
second, was that cravings just don't matter. for me, cravings come and cravings go. i view them as simply a part of my disease. initially, they really upset me. it wasn't so much that i thought i had to, or would, cave. it was more an issue of "how the hell can i be wanting that stuff NOW, after all i've been through, after all i've lost, after i've come so far????" initially, they seemed to be clear and convincing evidence that i was (as i had long suspected) a truly worthless person. i came to believe that feelings such as that are just another lie of my disease. i am not a worthless person: i am a good person who happens to have the disease of addiction and cravings are simply a part of that disease.
i learned not to "fight" cravings, but to simply let them pass over and through me. a metaphor that i found useful was thinking of cravings as waves at the beach . . . waves that hit me as I stand right where they are breaking. if i "square off" against the waves, if i try to hold them back with my strength and my will, i am going to lose. they are too powerful, there are too many and they just keep coming and coming.
so i don't fight the waves. instead of squaring off and trying to hold my ground, i simply turn sideways and let them wash right past me. i let them wash right past me and i'm ok. part of the trick is ALWAYS telling someone when the waves start hitting --- not telling seems to make they waves bigger and seems to be a part of thinking i can square off against them.
don't change your clean date, no matter what.
CATUF
1039
YAY, Gizzy! I am so proud of you and I know you can keep up the awesome path you have chosen. Yes I say chosen, but really its more than chosen... it is a hellova hard fight, war, crusade, whatever you want to call it. I find you amazing and Im happy to have met you, my friend. Congrats on everything starting to look so good for you. You have worked hard for it. Many many more clean birthdays for you Giz! You are one in a million and I appreciate you.
Peace~
Peace~
Oh baby, I am soooooo proud of you. 5 months, whats an acomplishment.I am so blessed to have you in my life and look foward to many, many more clean celebrations with you! You are an amazing man and you deserve the best in life!!!!!
Hugs and Kisses
Love
Jen
Hugs and Kisses
Love
Jen
A BIG CONGRATS!!!! U are a wonderfull friend, and I am so happy for you...YOU have come so far and are worthy of such great things in your life!!!
love u my friend!!
r2r
love u my friend!!
r2r
awesome job on stayin clean 5 months gizzy!! you got this bro, jus keep plowin ahead! much love......
Oh, Giz, I am so very happy for you. The accomplishments you have made in these few months are so monumental.
I have seen you change in so many possative ways and you have really come into yourself.
You are such a huge asset to this forum. I marvel at the way you respond to the people here who are hurting. You know just the right thing to say, and you have a way about calming the ones who feel so desperate.
Be proud of yourself. You have overcome a lot and become an amazing Man.
I am proud to be your friend....and sister!
Love you Gizzy, giz, giz!
I have seen you change in so many possative ways and you have really come into yourself.
You are such a huge asset to this forum. I marvel at the way you respond to the people here who are hurting. You know just the right thing to say, and you have a way about calming the ones who feel so desperate.
Be proud of yourself. You have overcome a lot and become an amazing Man.
I am proud to be your friend....and sister!
Love you Gizzy, giz, giz!
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