80 days and still here but draggin my *ss.

[spider6]

Hey guys, I've been reading and noticing a lot of peeps just haven't been around much lately,
myself included.  I've been reading but I just couldn't bring myself to post....feel like I'm not
that positive lately and don't want to be a downer.....uuugghghghghhhh too many words. (teeny grin)

I'm just kinda not here like ever, I'm not listening and I'm still having overwhelming feelings of "don't touch
me, just stay over there".  .......can't focus.  I for sure have a "time of day" when all bets are off and I
just don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks, this means, "don't touch me, just stay over there, and oh ya...
shut the f*ck up!!!!!!"

I've been talked into watching my 2yr. old grandson for three days a week and ohhhhh man, I'm
just too old for this sh*t.....I love him so much but he ***** every bit of energy I have in a very short
time.  

I really don't have a question just wanted to say, everyone who's going through this now or has gone through
this phase...."being a recovering addict is NOT for p*ssy's!!!

Hang tight soldiers and trudge forward and on!!!  You are all so amazing and still my inspiration!
Mmmmmwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
giant hugs.
xo
:o}

[spider6]

REALLY,......"s*cks" got censored????????????

[tooter212]

Spider, I hate to hear your having such a hard time. You got me through some many rough spots. Wish I could do something for you. I'm starting my 30th day so I don't know what to tell you to do except  I do know baby sitting will sap anyone!!!!! I don't care how much you love them. I think I would not do it anymore. Tell them your not up to it yet. You sure don't want to relapse. Besides, we need you to babysit us!!!
LOL

[BrkAway]

S*cks....  I needed that laugh this morning. Day 6 and thank you for sharing while I sit on my commode :)

[Teri9498]

Spidey I love ur posts!!...u always make me laugh!!...I've been wondering how ur doing!!..everything about this whole ordeal S*CKS!!!...I'm STILL.not sleeping hardly!!..tends 2 wear on ya after a while!!..blah!..I'm super proud of u, 80 days is HUGE & I can't wait 2 be there!!..hang in there sweet girl, 90 days should be a real turning point 4 u!!...sending u love & support!...MMMMWAH backatcha'!! ;)

[ROSYouralright]

80 days is AWESOME! You should really be seeing a breakthrough soon! Keep knocking back the days! One choice at a time! Love, Rosy

[Kbusymom]

Sorry you're struggling.  I'm right there with you, my emotions are all over the place.  80 days is awesome!!  
I agree w/ Tooter on the babysitting; if your're not up to it, don't do it.  Tell your family you have to focus on you and your recovery so you can be there for them in the future.
Stay strong!  We are all in this together!!

[BearsFan1966]

My sweet sweet spider! Please do not do more than you can! We are not spring chickens any more and your recovery is so important! I do not think I would be able to watch a 2 year old right now, I am having a hard enough time with my 14 year old! You are a strong woman and I do not want you to feel over whelmed that is not good! Stay strong my dear friend and I am here for you!
Love you tons!!!!

[OpenMind24hours]

Congratulations on your 80 days Spyder. I hear you on the babysitting! I BB sit my 3 year old granddaughter. I visit, but then I can go back home to peace and quiet thank God!!

[Bubbleguppie100]

Congrats on 80 days!! Omg, I know exaclty what you're going through right now. Everything that you wrote in ur post, is what I am going through. I come on here everday, throughout the day but, I can't bring myself to post too! Its like, I don't know what to say, let alone write in a complete sentence. Plus, I don't want to scare the " newbies" away being all negative. Lol I think you and I are experiencing PAWS? Maybe? Lol, as for the " don't touch me" " don't even look at me" I'm the same way! Right now, I just want my space.

[msdelight]

Hey spider! I've missed you! Ive been on here scaring all the newbies by myself!!

[brandiroars386]

So feeling like this right now!!!  I'm a newbie and you didn't scare me off !!  80 Days is fantastic.... great job. Keep posting, it helps!!

[ROSYouralright]

LMAO @ Brandi! Good for you girl! Ha @ MSD! You are a sweetheart and you know it!

[msdelight]

<3 <3 <3 you are all my angels <3<3<3!

[toothfairie]

I think all you ladies are doing great!!  hang in there!  it gets sooo much better!!  :)))  

[ROSYouralright]

And so are you toothy!

[meegWpaw]

hey spider, ya ur right, its been kinda quiet ... and ur right about recovery ... NOT for p*ssies!!!  lol ... congrats on your 80 BIG DAYS!  wow!  sorry ur having a tough time.  it will pass.  happy for you on such a huge accomplishment!

[bahamamama13165]

Spider, I feel your pain :-) I'm at 130 days (over 4 months) and I still have NO energy.  and about 60 % of the time I feel like I could bite someone's head off.  I have a 9 yr old and a VERY active 5 year old, by the end of the day I'm screaming at them.  It *****.  I wish someone could tell me when I'm going to feel better. ugh!

[PillyJilly]

Awwwww so sorry that the road is so rocky for you right now spider .You really helped me when I needed encouragment...Bless You (((hugs)))

[spider6]

thank you so much tooter, so kind when you're having your own problems.
True test of character when you can still 'give of yourself" when you are
in so much pain or discomfort too. hugs xo

I hope you have got the ambien situation solved. I know you were going to go c/t.  I'll have to catch up on your feeds. Hope you had a better night and
are about to have an awesome day. :o}

[spider6]

hahaha, I knew I wasn't the only one who did that.......(takin care of business, while takin care of business)  :o}

Feel better and eyes on the prize.
spider.

[spider6]

Aww Teri,
you're another one that has such high spirits for such a teeny soul.  I know you're having a tough time of it....I hope you're able to eat better lately?????  Not to mention your sleep......are you getting a bit more?

As much as you give to others...remember to replenish and give back to
yourself.  We (MH) don't need you to be runnin out of that "pluck" that has
lifted so many of us even while you have been down. Thank you for being "that" girl.
Love ya tons!  :o} xo

[spider6]

...thank you Rosy for always being so sweet.
and. 100!!!!! Awesome!......it's a nice number eh?
hugs xo

[spider6]

Thank you so much for your input.  I know what a tough time you are
going through too.  I had a 13+yrs love affair with xanax back in the 80-90's.  F*ckin nightmare!  I had to c/t, no choice.  I really thought I was
going to die.  I'm soooooooo glad you are doing your taper....how's it going with the ativan?  slow and steady wins the race.  :o}
keep rockin it girl.
hugs xo

[VICourageous]

Spider Girl..I just knew there was a reason for me to come take a surf this late at night..OMG I remember this all to well..3-6-8-9 WTF when am I going to have some interest in doing something or when will I come out of my Safe Place..leave me alone please. I set up so many Boundaries that no one could come near..lol BUT after I got past the 10th to over a Year that was the best corner turned. Now-Now my Emotional roller ride came in the worse at 7-9 months..So maybe yours is on right now and well be over sooner..I sure pray it will be..Remember that it takes TIME for our Brains to readjust back from the removal of these Substances..AND we are no young Chics Flocking around in the Back Yard anymore. I wish the best my Friend and just keep on trucking forward and Do Not look back..YOU have come along way Bay-Beeeee!!!!
Bless!