9 months and felt like slipping for a sec

[worried878]

I give up on men!  LOL...i was so looking forward to a date tonight in orange beach with this guy i really like.  he is a full fledged workaholic and admits that it ruined his marriage.  it is ruining our relationship as well.  he lives 2 hours away so it is hard to get together and then work always gets in the way...then i have had nuf he will show up at my door step!  he cancelled and i was depressed..do not like to let a guy in my life who constantly disappoints me and i told him this...i have dated a workaholic before..it is a real thing/a problem as they can not put their work down which always makes u feel very unimportant and it is also something u cant really hold against them.  i wanted to get some pills..instead grabbed a beer...then put that down and went to the gym instead!  does anyone beleive there is such a thing as a workaholic/like someone addicted to working?

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Sorry to hear that it didnt go optimally -I was hoping for the best.....also hoping you dont give up on all men because i do believe that I fit in that category. Either that or I have been using the wrong restroom for a lifetime. And if I found a woman that married me and has stayed for 26 years I gotta say that there is someone out there for you.... and that someone will not make or let you feel exposed or vulnarable. As your advice said - just when you least expect it - it will fall into your lap ....At least you gave him a shot and you were both honest about everything. Some things were just not meant to be. Interesting thought about attracting another addict - - that one will take a little more thought. As far as openness goes - you will know if or when to tell a significant other when that time arrives. Wouldnt make it an opening pick-up line or anything. Cant imagine who you would end up with that one!! So have that dish of ice cream and chalk this one up to experience..... Life can be a cruel teacher sometimes..    eagle

[terrified999]

I hate to say this, but men don't lie.  Women just like to think they do.  When you met him he told you he worked too much for you to like. But you ignored it.  You thought you could change him.  We all go through it.  But, it is time that women learned to listen to men.  He is not going to change.  He likes his work.  He likes working.  He doesn't care if it hurts a relationship - he let it ruin a marriage.  You need to believe him.  He is what he is.  

I know it hurts like hell.  But, I was clean 22 years and my first year I found out my father was a child molester.  If I can live through that clean, you can live through this.

He is not the man you want and he won't change into that guy.  But, that is good.  You learned and listened.  So, go find a guy who is available.  Take some time, buy yourself something pretty, a teddy bear and some bubble bath.   Take care of yourself

This is going to hurt.  I won't lie.  But, you can get through it clean.  Just don't pick up anything.  It is very simple, but hard as hell.  Pain is ok.  It won't kill you.  I promise.  

Big hugs.  You are not alone.  We are all here.  I don't know if this will help at all, but the last time I got my heart broken, I spent a few hundred hours playing a stupid video game.  It actually helped.  I spent so much time on the computer that I ended up getting through the pain without any other help.  And you know that time is the only thing that will help.  

You did a great thing by going to the gym.  Clearly, you want to take care of yourself and you are doing it.  That is fantastic.  Just remember that.  You WANT to stay clean.  You can do it.  And stay away from this guy.  He will destroy you.  You will never get what you want and there is no need to beat your head against a wall.  

I think that we women tend to pick men we know aren't right for us because we think that if we can change them, then we are the winner.  But it never works out that way.  

I decided a while ago that I would never date another guy who wasn't right for me again.  I realized that every second I spent with some loser I was missing out on Mr. Right.  I made a list of what I wanted and if the guy didn't fit that list - poof.  I was done with him.  Within one year I met the guy of my dreams and we have been married for 6 years now.  I have never been happier.  But it never happened with all those other guys - the "I will never get married" guy is still not married 20 years later.  The "I promise I will leave my wife" guy is still married.  The "I don't think I could ever remain faithful" guy is still chasing tail and now he is married.  I just never believed them.  But they all told the truth.

I promise.  It will all be ok.  

[driftersgal]

hi, worried:  to answer whether or not to share your addiction--that is completely up to you.  If the person you're serious about is the type of person who is compassionate and understanding, AND you feel comfortable sharing, I say go ahead and tell them.  I would also stress, though, how long you've been clean, and if you're involved in any support groups in your area, just as added reassurance that you have no intentions of using again.  Keep up the great work, and don't let this one guy ruin what you've already accomplished!

[dominosarah]

I think we are attracted to men that have some of the same qualities we have at the time.  You dont want to be alone and at the same time you dont want to get to close.  Maybe that is why he is a workaholic........maybe he has some hidden pain going on so he works like a fool to take that pain away.  Just a thought!!!

Would i tell someone about my addiction??  If the relationship felt right i would.  I really believe it takes a special man or woman to stand by us.  Our addictions have made us what we are today.  If they can accept us for that then they are worth checking out.  When you least expect it it will happen.  My relationship here started out with 2 people being bored one weekend......decided to go to a county fair of all places!!!  That was 5 yrs ago!!!          sara

[worried878]

for me it is usually like a bad case of pneumonia tho!  when i least expect it!

[j34]

For sure the nice hard body and some duck tape for the mouth??? lol.Just kidding around worried of course I like the same.ya caring makes us vulnerable,but a few people tell me that is what helps us grow. Like I am a weed or something lol. The person of who is deserving of you will come into your life when you least expect it.