and here i am again

[snowtardd]

......is it just me or is it every time you relapse it hits twice as bad as the time before? what i mean is,i stopped taking oxy and norco's for a while but relapsed after my last surgery(which was less then a mont ago)when i stopped the last time i was snorting about 3-5 40mg oxy's a day as of right now i am snorting 3 80mg's at a time about 2-4 times a day, i have had it with the meds again and am c/t as we speak, i am on day 2 but dont feel as bad as when i was only doing 3-5 40's a day which makes me think i still have a lot in my system and the half life is not dead yet so i have not broke into full wd's,i slept like **** last night,and felt pretty bad today but like i said no where near as bad as the last time, any input on this would be great,and i never left the forum i have been reading just not posting.i cant seem to just say no,my doctors know i have an issue,he just tells me to use the meds for pain and when the time comes he'll give me suboxone....which i dont think is right,its like he's almost made me feel ok about my addiction anyway like i said any input would be great.

[snowtardd]

i'm still waiting for an explanation of your last comment

[louise65]

not sure what mike means either but i wish you well. as far as i know opiate w/ds are tough but not anything fatal. good luck you can do it, it sounds like you have everything you need in place you need, well done and take care, louise

[snowtardd]

? whats that mean???

[Mikeinthesouth]

Its up to us try ten times worse my friend. unless you are ready to die try to get it right. Mike

[snowtardd]

thnx for the support, come to find out one of the meds i was prescribed a few weeks ago was valium,so i think i will put myself into a valium induced sleep for a few days,and not take anything but the valium,my wife is a nurse and has to work but my dad is here to take care of my baby girl so here i go.....i'll post in 4 days when i wake up, in the mean time my wife will keep an eye on me while i'm out,blood pressure and all that, according to the thomas recipe thats what i need to do,so i'll try it, i took 2 valiums last night about midnight or so and didnt wake up till 1 this afternoon,si i have the dosage figured out,so here i go ...goodnight :)

[louise65]

i am also relapsed,it happens, take care and get back off when you are ready. if theres one thing ive learned over the years is that it wont work until your ready to get clean, then it will. just wanted to send you some support and let you know that others out there are also struggling with relapse. you will get there when your ready and i wish you the best, take care louise

[studiogirl]

I completely understand about doctors making you feel like it is okay.  I have a really bad scar on my wrist from surgery years ago and even though I can manage the pain without drugs, my doctors never seem to m ind pumping me full of them.  There are times I have even said I was addicted and they tell me to relax and not get off of them yet and just wait until its the right time.  It messes with your head so bad to hear that stuff when you know your not in a good place but your addictive voice wants to hear that it is all okay and your not that bad.  
Personally, I am in the middle of a pretty bad relapse myself so Im not one to give out advice but I do want to say that I think deep down we both know we are out of control regardless of what our doctors may tell us.  And if we look deep inside of ourselves and see that their is a problem than we have to make a change.  I dont know your situation completely so I am not saying that you should stop taking pills --especially if you are in deep pain.  However, if you think its hurting you more tot ake them then maybe you should try to taper off regardless of what your doctor says.

[worried878]

sounds like u needed to vent tonight...who picks up ur scripts for u?  just asking as they could pick up some supps as well...being in the bed unable to drive or even get up to walk to the bathroom has got to be a bumber...i guess i would keep my pills close by for easy access til i felt able to have any control over anything at all...and then when i was well enough to take control of my life, i would make a plan to be clean...when u r totally helpless and bedbound...it would be very hard to be active..hope u get to feeling better to at least be able to get up out of bed soon...otherwise pneumonia and blood clots and all kinds of stuff can happen...move as much as u can to keep other complications from setting in...maybe soon u will be well enough to take control and make a plan...keep posting

[snowtardd]

i am still in bed form an ankle surgery so walking and exercise is out that question,i have read the thomas recipe but i dont have nor can i get the pills it takes to do it.i am still in a lot of pain,but i feel i could deal with that if i could get clean, i know snorting them is wrong but if i swollow them they dont work...eve take the edge off the pain,i have a very fast matabolism but aside form that, i am just sick of taking pills,even when i started taking them aga i did not really want to i just couldnt stand the pain any longer,this is a more of a depression rant i think, i know i have to take them to cope with the pain,i just......am feeling sorry for my self i guess,thanks for the reply's

[SableZen]

This is going to sound ironic: But having a relapse means you are at least trying to do the right thing and it really is a part of the process... you can't beat yourself up for them any longer than it takes to try again - literally. And I don't think a person exists that didn't relapse multiple times before getting it right.

I'm curious, since you obviously have pain that a doctor is giving you a prescription for - do you have anything in place to help you cope with that when you try to quit taking a narcotic? And is he a specialist in pain management? Any alternative non-narcotic replacement even if it's not as effective? Any supplements that you have used that you know helps? Physical Therapy (not sure what the issue is)? Anything like that?

[worried878]

all of these choices are yours...u know the pain u feel and we do not.....snorting is not for pain relief..we both know that..u may have gone over the edge a bit here...obviously....what do u want to do?   u r ct for 2 days so i would gues that is ur plan...u have to have a plan...some toaer and some do resort to the sub.....2 days in maybe u should read up on the thomas recipe in the health pages and walk around the block every time u can manage to lift ur feet to pump out endorphins...then progresss ur exercise regime from there..different symptoms for all so u have to use the amino protocol to ur needs...my first symptoms were the runs and depression...then fatigue that lingered...how do u feel and r u ready to let go?