Aa
A new day
It's my first full day with vicodin. I'm scared about the side effects of withdrawal but since this will be my third attempt to finally rid myself of the drug. I no longer need it even though during the withdrawal my body will mimic the pain... Very tricky... My biggest fear is length of time sine I have to be "on" at work. I meet with clients all day (usually 10 hour days). But if not now when my resolve is strong then when?
My second fear is who will I be after I'm off. I've taken it for so long will I be as productive? Will life be more enjoyable? I must think so deep in my heart since the voice to quit comes from that same place.
I will post how it goes since so many others have encouraged me with there stories (a few scared the crap out of me as well).
Here's to breaking the chain!
A new day
My second fear is who will I be after I'm off. I've taken it for so long will I be as productive? Will life be more enjoyable? I must think so deep in my heart since the voice to quit comes from that same place.
I will post how it goes since so many others have encouraged me with there stories (a few scared the crap out of me as well).
Here's to breaking the chain!
A new day
Well, the days are moving along and adding up..This morning something is a little different..For the better..I sense a calming taking place even though underneath I still can feel residual effects stressing me, but can say for sure this morning is better than the past three..Thats a good sign...Hope your morning is going well too MOS. Great job on the two week mark..Thats progress in the making :)
Congrats on two weeks! It is a difficult milestone to reach.
I will echo what Gnarly said . . . find a program.
If you're anything like most drug addicts, you have the feeling that if you can just get to CLEAN (and feeling human), you'll be fine and you'll never, ever make the same mistake again.
I lost count of how many times I made it to two weeks, 30 days, once even 58 days, only to find myself back where I started, only worse, asking myself (and the Universe) "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"
I know now how it happened . . . each time it started with A pill, ONE LITTLE PILL. Each time started with one pill and the absurd notion that I would strictly limit or control my use. This is to be expected. As written in AA's Big Book over 70 years ago "we are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first [pill]."
The problem is that once I put one pill in me, I'm done . . . I immediately make the jump back into active addiction. I'm a classic example of "one is too many and one thousand is never enough."
If you're like me (a garden variety drug addict), you will silently laugh at that notion, thinking something to the effect of "there is no way . . . maybe that's the way for most of you people, but you don't know me and you have no idea how bad I want this. I have made up my mind . . . I am free and I will stay free."
For the longest time I had the STRONG feeling (on the order of a mandate from God or something) that I had created this problem myself and I needed to fix it myself.
It seemed like I needed to use my considerable will and strength of character to hold everything together and make things right again.
It seemed like if I allowed anything to "break me," if I ceased fighting and being strong, that all would be lost . . . that I would have failed completely . . . that I would (somehow) cease to exist.
I know now that all of that was my disease talking. I didn't need to fight or be strong. In fact, that was exactly the wrong thing to do . . . like a hooked fish, all of my resistance simply seated the hook of my addiction more firmly into me.
What I need to do was give up. I needed to surrender. I needed to do what felt like exactly the wrong thing to do, but which is the only thing that works . . . quit fighting and ask for help.
With addiction, the one who surrenders the most wins!
Now, off to my Saturday morning meeting . . .
CATUF
2048
I will echo what Gnarly said . . . find a program.
If you're anything like most drug addicts, you have the feeling that if you can just get to CLEAN (and feeling human), you'll be fine and you'll never, ever make the same mistake again.
I lost count of how many times I made it to two weeks, 30 days, once even 58 days, only to find myself back where I started, only worse, asking myself (and the Universe) "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"
I know now how it happened . . . each time it started with A pill, ONE LITTLE PILL. Each time started with one pill and the absurd notion that I would strictly limit or control my use. This is to be expected. As written in AA's Big Book over 70 years ago "we are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first [pill]."
The problem is that once I put one pill in me, I'm done . . . I immediately make the jump back into active addiction. I'm a classic example of "one is too many and one thousand is never enough."
If you're like me (a garden variety drug addict), you will silently laugh at that notion, thinking something to the effect of "there is no way . . . maybe that's the way for most of you people, but you don't know me and you have no idea how bad I want this. I have made up my mind . . . I am free and I will stay free."
For the longest time I had the STRONG feeling (on the order of a mandate from God or something) that I had created this problem myself and I needed to fix it myself.
It seemed like I needed to use my considerable will and strength of character to hold everything together and make things right again.
It seemed like if I allowed anything to "break me," if I ceased fighting and being strong, that all would be lost . . . that I would have failed completely . . . that I would (somehow) cease to exist.
I know now that all of that was my disease talking. I didn't need to fight or be strong. In fact, that was exactly the wrong thing to do . . . like a hooked fish, all of my resistance simply seated the hook of my addiction more firmly into me.
What I need to do was give up. I needed to surrender. I needed to do what felt like exactly the wrong thing to do, but which is the only thing that works . . . quit fighting and ask for help.
With addiction, the one who surrenders the most wins!
Now, off to my Saturday morning meeting . . .
CATUF
2048
Smart move on your part to change now..These pills and their grip on a person over time is unlike anything I encountered over the yearsYou've got alot of good years ahead of you to enjoy now once you get clear of the residual side effects of the percs and oxy's. Thats what I was battling with and still am battling with after 2 weeks..Some say it may take a couple of months before the mental aspect changes as our brains re-stabilize from this..But thats ok with me. I want no more of the false reality they created..I enjoyed life once without them and I want that back...Thats an example of one of the things they steal from a person once they've crossed a certain line which is unpredictable and only recognized once it has been crossed..It sounds like you recognized it and are making the right move...Good job..
Congratulations to you MOS on the two week mark..See, I told you it would be here before we knew it and now it is..Soon enough it will be 3 and then 4..Your so right about the torture of the pill thought process. It's like a major burden being lifted by not having every thought or motivation being based on them..That was one of the things I truly hated about them. They never gave a person a break when actively using them..I'm so glad thats history now..:)
Congratulations to you MOS on the two week mark..See, I told you it would be here before we knew it and now it is..Soon enough it will be 3 and then 4..Your so right about the torture of the pill thought process. It's like a major burden being lifted by not having every thought or motivation being based on them..That was one of the things I truly hated about them. They never gave a person a break when actively using them..I'm so glad thats history now..:)
Hi frangela!
Congratulations on 5 days! It's a hard path but I'm about to hit two weeks tomorrow and I cannot believe the difference! It's a whole new world that I'm truly enjoying even getting sick in the middle of it didn't deter me journey. Last night I went out to see a play and it was the first time in six years that I did not have to worry about bringing pills and I remember the experience completely! Hang in there! The journey is worth it!
Congratulations on 5 days! It's a hard path but I'm about to hit two weeks tomorrow and I cannot believe the difference! It's a whole new world that I'm truly enjoying even getting sick in the middle of it didn't deter me journey. Last night I went out to see a play and it was the first time in six years that I did not have to worry about bringing pills and I remember the experience completely! Hang in there! The journey is worth it!
My pill of choice is percocet or oxycontin and I am on my 5th day without it. The withdrawal is hell but I have had help. I have been taking suboxone. It is a lifesaver. But after tomorrow I will be off of that too. It helps with the withdrawal but I don't wanna be dependent on anything anymore so now that the percent is outta my system I'm gonna stop those too.if I were u I would see if I could get my hands on about 4 or 5 suboxone. U only have to take a half everyday for about a week. And make sure u don't start the suboxone until ur already feeling withdrawal symptoms. After the week it's all mental from then on. I am optimistic that I am strong enough to beat this and I hope u are too. Addiction to pills is so hard but after it's over I hope we will both be stronger, healthier, more independent ppl. Good luck!
Dav - I am so proud of you! I wanted you to know that knowing that you were going through the same thing and your encouragement is the reason I've made it this far! Congratulations on two weeks!!
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