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Delayed Detox? New and needing help.
Hello All,
I have been following these threads for a bit now, as I am having quite a bit of difficulty with the sober life. You know the story: Boy gets hurt, boy meets pills, pills run out, boy smokes pot, drinks and eventually learns how to get more pills, boy begins cycle anew...
What I cannot understand is why this particular detox is so damn painful and depressing. I have stopped drinking, smoking, and even pills separately and experienced those withdrawls (though awful, I got through). However, always after a week or so I jump to another substance to "fill the void." This is the first time in about two years that I am not on anything. I am clean over a week and having the worst depressive episode. Today I called out of work because I just could not do it.
Could it be possible that I am detoxing from everything at once, even though I had stopped some things months ago but replaced it with something new right away? I had deluded myself into thinking that I could temporarily use other substances to lessen the misery of detox from the harsher things. Sort of a Junkie way to taper, don't you agree? Nevertheless, I am absolutely dead right now. Any advice would be so appreciated. I can't do this alone anymore, and I am too embarassed to tell anyone but you guys. (** I am a writer and this post reeks of incoherance! My brain is operating at 20% max, sorry. Perhaps I might be better soon?)
TA
I have been following these threads for a bit now, as I am having quite a bit of difficulty with the sober life. You know the story: Boy gets hurt, boy meets pills, pills run out, boy smokes pot, drinks and eventually learns how to get more pills, boy begins cycle anew...
What I cannot understand is why this particular detox is so damn painful and depressing. I have stopped drinking, smoking, and even pills separately and experienced those withdrawls (though awful, I got through). However, always after a week or so I jump to another substance to "fill the void." This is the first time in about two years that I am not on anything. I am clean over a week and having the worst depressive episode. Today I called out of work because I just could not do it.
Could it be possible that I am detoxing from everything at once, even though I had stopped some things months ago but replaced it with something new right away? I had deluded myself into thinking that I could temporarily use other substances to lessen the misery of detox from the harsher things. Sort of a Junkie way to taper, don't you agree? Nevertheless, I am absolutely dead right now. Any advice would be so appreciated. I can't do this alone anymore, and I am too embarassed to tell anyone but you guys. (** I am a writer and this post reeks of incoherance! My brain is operating at 20% max, sorry. Perhaps I might be better soon?)
TA
Hey trouble. Math certainly wasnt a strong suite for me either. Otherwise we may have put two and two together before we found ourselves in such a mess.
Let me start by saying that today was significantly better than yesterday. I have been off alcohol for a month and a half, pot for a few weeks, and oxycodone for about ten days. So lets call me clean for ten days. I had no option to taper, in fact I binged hardcore. Detoxing has been a nightmare.
Also, a so-called-friend just offered me some oxycotin, free of charge. I don't think I would have declined had I not become part of this forum. But man, was that hard. The bigger problem is that he lives a few houses down, and I am not so strong. I am thinking about going home to my parents house for a few weeks. I have told them that I have irritable bowel syndrome (which is probably true anyhow) so that I can justify my current health and attitudes. In fact, nobody at all has a clue about my true self. It is a lonely feeling, especially with such a battle to fight. But it is my fight, nobody elses.
I am 26, going on 78 today. Its a bit comical the way my beloved cat had been looking at me the past few weeks. She has a very "what-the-hell???" look in her eyes. I must say that she has been vigilant of me. Its amazing how they just know.
All in all, today is the first day that I might just be inclined to agree that there may be light at the end of this tunnel. I might really be doing this. God I hope so.
I am sorry to hear that your ex was abusive. I don't know enough to presume to give you any advice in that area. But I can offer this- Sometimes making sense of a situation will not offer the relief and clarity you expect. I tend to subscribe to the notion that the past is not truly the past until we let it go. Letting the circumstances of yesterday influence this moment is hugely disfunctional. If we could only learn to let things be as they are, we might not continue personalize them and allow them to be relevent to our present day.
Still, I think it's absolutely beneficial to be able to make sense of the elements that have influenced past choices, and I am working on that as well. I hope you are able to find some truth and move forward.
See, now I have done typed myself into a muscle spasm. Thanks for giving me an excuse to not take a walk down the street. Now I am going to go watch "Glee." That just seems like the perfect show for me right now.
Matt
Let me start by saying that today was significantly better than yesterday. I have been off alcohol for a month and a half, pot for a few weeks, and oxycodone for about ten days. So lets call me clean for ten days. I had no option to taper, in fact I binged hardcore. Detoxing has been a nightmare.
Also, a so-called-friend just offered me some oxycotin, free of charge. I don't think I would have declined had I not become part of this forum. But man, was that hard. The bigger problem is that he lives a few houses down, and I am not so strong. I am thinking about going home to my parents house for a few weeks. I have told them that I have irritable bowel syndrome (which is probably true anyhow) so that I can justify my current health and attitudes. In fact, nobody at all has a clue about my true self. It is a lonely feeling, especially with such a battle to fight. But it is my fight, nobody elses.
I am 26, going on 78 today. Its a bit comical the way my beloved cat had been looking at me the past few weeks. She has a very "what-the-hell???" look in her eyes. I must say that she has been vigilant of me. Its amazing how they just know.
All in all, today is the first day that I might just be inclined to agree that there may be light at the end of this tunnel. I might really be doing this. God I hope so.
I am sorry to hear that your ex was abusive. I don't know enough to presume to give you any advice in that area. But I can offer this- Sometimes making sense of a situation will not offer the relief and clarity you expect. I tend to subscribe to the notion that the past is not truly the past until we let it go. Letting the circumstances of yesterday influence this moment is hugely disfunctional. If we could only learn to let things be as they are, we might not continue personalize them and allow them to be relevent to our present day.
Still, I think it's absolutely beneficial to be able to make sense of the elements that have influenced past choices, and I am working on that as well. I hope you are able to find some truth and move forward.
See, now I have done typed myself into a muscle spasm. Thanks for giving me an excuse to not take a walk down the street. Now I am going to go watch "Glee." That just seems like the perfect show for me right now.
Matt
LOL ok Im glad we cleared that up, haha. I have to admit there are a lot of days where i feel 60 (or 90, even!) but let's not push things lol
Did you say how many days its been now since you stopped the pills? (we sure are having a horrific time conveying numbers here, arent we?? Math never was my forte but it's early and I've only horked down 1/2 cup of coffee so far so bear with me). Im pretty sure you didnt say how long its been though. Maybe you are going through some PAWS if its been near a month or more though?
and btw, yes its pertinent that you find out the reasons why you've used substances and to work those things out and I have to tell you sometimes its a longgggg journey discovering those things and working them out. Im still stumbling along the way because there were so many problems, some still unresolved. Im still working through alot of issues from many years of abuse from my ex. There are other issues as well, some of which i've worked through and others still awaiting a resolution and you have to do the same. I know it may all seem overwhelming and you don't know where to start and thats part of the reason why you have to take it one day at a time..
Did you say how many days its been now since you stopped the pills? (we sure are having a horrific time conveying numbers here, arent we?? Math never was my forte but it's early and I've only horked down 1/2 cup of coffee so far so bear with me). Im pretty sure you didnt say how long its been though. Maybe you are going through some PAWS if its been near a month or more though?
and btw, yes its pertinent that you find out the reasons why you've used substances and to work those things out and I have to tell you sometimes its a longgggg journey discovering those things and working them out. Im still stumbling along the way because there were so many problems, some still unresolved. Im still working through alot of issues from many years of abuse from my ex. There are other issues as well, some of which i've worked through and others still awaiting a resolution and you have to do the same. I know it may all seem overwhelming and you don't know where to start and thats part of the reason why you have to take it one day at a time..
Just wanted to thank everyone for responding to my post today. Tommorrow I will be attending my first NA meeting as well as picking up some vitamins and such. Please keep suggestions coming!
I suppose I was laboring under the delusion that I would be feeling better after the initial detox. But behold, here I am, the person I was running away from. Now I have to delve into the reasons for this self-inflicted madness and learn to live again. It seems so daunting. In the light of day, I have begun to get a good look at the wreckage, and it is downright terrifying. To really get clean and stay that way seems like such a hurculean task, how in the world I will find my way is beyond comprehension right now. I always scoffed at the whole "one day at a time" motto. Now I see it is the ONLY possible way. I hope to speak with everyone on a daily basis and perhaps be able to help others as you have begun to help me.
Now I am going to go drink this delicious Detox Tea. It's rich aroma lingers between urine-stained cardboard and lawn fertilizer. To good health!
I suppose I was laboring under the delusion that I would be feeling better after the initial detox. But behold, here I am, the person I was running away from. Now I have to delve into the reasons for this self-inflicted madness and learn to live again. It seems so daunting. In the light of day, I have begun to get a good look at the wreckage, and it is downright terrifying. To really get clean and stay that way seems like such a hurculean task, how in the world I will find my way is beyond comprehension right now. I always scoffed at the whole "one day at a time" motto. Now I see it is the ONLY possible way. I hope to speak with everyone on a daily basis and perhaps be able to help others as you have begun to help me.
Now I am going to go drink this delicious Detox Tea. It's rich aroma lingers between urine-stained cardboard and lawn fertilizer. To good health!
No No. You said 40 days clean. I was watching the Wendy Williams show today and she said that 60 is the new 40. I just meant to keep it light and wish you well as you progress past 40 DAYS. Lol.
My fault, bad joke. My drug addled brain is a little slow on the uptake and I am definately in no condition to be witty.
But you still better work!
My fault, bad joke. My drug addled brain is a little slow on the uptake and I am definately in no condition to be witty.
But you still better work!
60?? did i say i was sixty? LMAO...where or where did that come from (not that there's anything wrong with 60, but im not quite there yet, Im 38 LOL)
Hello trouble-
Thanks for the welcome. You are quite right to say that I need to find the reasons for which I feel the need to fill voids. I think people tend to focus on the drugs themselves and gloss over the reasons for doing them in the first place. However, I don't really have the strength to delve into that quite yet, and would probably want the help of a professional before I approach that bridge. But hey, I'm taking it one day at a time.
I am sorry to hear you had relapsed, but congrats on coming back on board. Many people do not understand the mental agony associated with chronic pain and how after so long- relief in any form seems like a good idea. But, look where that gets us, more pain. Drugs would have to be the lesser of the two evils, considering the plethora of alternative therapies available. It is a hard lesson, and I am just getting there. Good luck to you- and in case you havent heard- 60 is the new 40, so work it!
matt
Thanks for the welcome. You are quite right to say that I need to find the reasons for which I feel the need to fill voids. I think people tend to focus on the drugs themselves and gloss over the reasons for doing them in the first place. However, I don't really have the strength to delve into that quite yet, and would probably want the help of a professional before I approach that bridge. But hey, I'm taking it one day at a time.
I am sorry to hear you had relapsed, but congrats on coming back on board. Many people do not understand the mental agony associated with chronic pain and how after so long- relief in any form seems like a good idea. But, look where that gets us, more pain. Drugs would have to be the lesser of the two evils, considering the plethora of alternative therapies available. It is a hard lesson, and I am just getting there. Good luck to you- and in case you havent heard- 60 is the new 40, so work it!
matt
Look at the right hand side of screen page - scroll down toward the bottom - under heading Health Pages...... there is a box that has several disciplines listed. Look up the Amino Acid Protocols and check them out.....
welcome aboard, Im so glad you found us. Arm yourself with the knowledge, wisdom and support offered here by many and move forward on your road to recovery. Im a long time member here and a chronic relapser. Made it almost a year clean before relapse this last time, and I was so devastated when I fell back into it. Im over 40 days clean again. Its a tough battle especially since I have a bad back and am in pain everyday but I cannot go back to the pills for relief.
I wish you well and hope you find the right tools to remain clean, and find the reasons for which you feel the need to fill the voids with substances (Something we all have to learn and fix).
I wish you well and hope you find the right tools to remain clean, and find the reasons for which you feel the need to fill the voids with substances (Something we all have to learn and fix).
No. I do need to take a trip to the vitamin shoppe. I have started taking Nordic Naturals Fish oil, which is supposedly great for depression, cleansing, inflammation and just about everything else. I do need a good multi-vit. I have not heard anything about those amino acids. I was taking L-Lysine for my nerve pain due to my arm surgery that opened the door to this whole mess. I welcome any suggestions. Thanks!
Are you taking any of the amino acids? I would suggest at least 5-HTP and possibly L-Tyosine for what you are struggling with.............
Never underestimate the power of a few kind words- thank you. Though new here, I see that you are supporting so many. And fabulous name IBKleen. IBLetting you know how it goes!
matt
matt
Go shoeless but just go. No one will be looking at your feet. Get a nice, hot cup of coffee and sit in the back of the meeting and listen. No time like the present.
I truly wish you well and hope that it sticks this time.
I truly wish you well and hope that it sticks this time.
Yes. That is why I have joined this forum. As far as having a plan... the only plan I have right now is to not use anything, rest, and take care of myself as best I can. I do not want to see a doctor for yet another pill. I have looked up some NA meetings in the area to get some extra support. That said, it's difficult to tie my shoes rigth now, much less develop a grand plan. I had hoped that after a week or so clean, I might have cleared my head enough to be more thoughtful as to what the next step might be. Just waiting for my brain and body cooperate somewhat. Thanks for replying and good luck to you.
I agree with IBKleen... "BOY NEEDS AFTERCARE!" (big time!)
Hook yourself up with a support group.. AA..NA...CA... whatever works...
You are running the risk of relapse if ya don't get SOMETHING going on in your life to help you stay clean and sober...
Best of luck mate... and remember that EVERYDAY THAT YOU DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN YA DO!
Hook yourself up with a support group.. AA..NA...CA... whatever works...
You are running the risk of relapse if ya don't get SOMETHING going on in your life to help you stay clean and sober...
Best of luck mate... and remember that EVERYDAY THAT YOU DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN YA DO!
Boy needs aftercare so boy gets off the merry-go-round.
How many times do you think you can use-withdraw, use-withdraw, use-withdraw before it catches up with you? You are putting your body and your brain through so many changes it doesn't know how to act anymore.
You really need a better plan to STAY clean.
How many times do you think you can use-withdraw, use-withdraw, use-withdraw before it catches up with you? You are putting your body and your brain through so many changes it doesn't know how to act anymore.
You really need a better plan to STAY clean.
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