help please

[Savannah43]

Ive been seeing this guy for about a year and a half.  We started out as friends and it developed into more over time.  I love him very much.  He has had a drug problem since he was a teenager. He is now 33.  He's been through alot in his life.  Mother is crazy and has messed with his head all his life...has been told different people were his father...3 times over his lifetime...by his mom.  He's been in trouble with the law and been to prison twice.  I first met him about a month after he got out of prison the first time.  Didnt know anything about him when we met...he didnt lie to me tho and told me the things he'd done in his past.  We saw each other for about 3 months and then he disappeared...started messing up.  He was gone for 5 months and came back...we saw each other for a weekend and then he was picked up and sent back to prison on a paperwork mistake.  I fought with the DOC for 7 months to get him back out.  Our relationship grew while he was in prison...we talked every day...wrote...he told me every day for months that he loved me.  He came home about 3 weeks ago...and everything changed after about 2 days.  He started pushing me away...says his head is so messed up he doesnt know what he wants....sometimes he wants to be with me sometimes not...i know his mom is giving him xanax and he is drinking heavy.  I dont know what to think but Im really scared for him and its killing me that he acts like he wants nothing to do with me.  He says its not me its him and that he just needs time to sort things out in his head.  But Im afraid hes just messing up his head more with the pills and alcohol.  Please tell me if this is normal for someone just coming out of prison.  He says I just dont understand what its like trying to readjust...and its all he can do just to get through a day.  Please...someone give me some advice!

[nick30]

he'll never choose you over his mom. and it doesn't seem he's ready to face his demons, nor do anything to help himself. and until he's done that, there is no point in trying to fix your relationship with him. too many things need to change before he'll be ready for you. you can't do anything significant about this. leave him. you'll ruin your life if you don't.
sorry but he ain't worth it.

[MontanaGurl]

I also agree with everyone who posted.  Take care of yourself first.  He is the only one who can decide to make a change in his life for the better.  No matter how much you care for him or love him, he is only gonna take you for a ride on his rollarcoaster.  And, in the end you will be frazzled, maybe broken hearted anyway and lost that prescious time in your life running after him trying to take care of him.

HUGS out to you, be strong, keep posting - there is a ton of support on this site.  But please take care of yourself -  you are worth it!!!!

[Totsie59]

I have to agree with Kim and Sara. My son was a bad drug addict..I have watched him use and throw away good girls..that just wanted to take care of him and love him.. Hon, don't walk RUN! Take care of yourself. If he wants help and to get clean he will ask for it. I am sorry if it sounds harsh or cold, I just want you to save yourself from the pain and heartaches.

[dominosarah]

I agree with Kim......there is nothing you can do for him until he is ready to stop this insanity.  Please take care of yourself..........sara

[kim715]

Oh hon,I know this is going to sound easier said then done,especially when your heart is involved,but I have to be honest with you.After reading what you wrote twice,my best advice to you would be to distance yourself.I'm not saying that to be cold or harsh.I'm saying it in an attempt to look out for your best interest.He's not going to get help and stop the vicious cycle he's been living until he's sick and tired of being sick and tired.You didn't cause this and you can't fix it.It sounds like you really care for him but all the love in the world won't convince an addict or alcoholic to get clean if they are not ready.Please don't forget about you in all this.You have to put yourself first,love yourself first and foremost.I will keep you in my prayers.Goodluck to you....Kim