Got to be honest

[Cassie415]

I am very sick today and i have to be honest with you all, i have been using oxycontin again. about 2 80's a day. today i have the worst stomach pain ever, i have woken up with bad stomach aches the last 3 days but today the worst. i just started throwing up and its a green liquid i dont no wat it is but i feel like death. also i have lost most feeling in the tips of my fingers i dunno whats up. do u think im ok? i am going to visit my friend in rehab today in about an hr...maybe i shud just stay there lol.

[Cassie415]

Ive got a feeling like cement moving around my stomach but I am not throwing up anymore, and I ate some food today and was okay. I'll try to get some of those things you suggested though to help. And I agree that my moms views dont have to be mine, and they aren't, i'd probably die for it to take her to realize maybe she should have been a bit more proactive.

[Kevin_Bacon]

In the meantime, before you have your stomach x-rayed, try a liquid antacid like Maalox  or Gelusil (they taste like chalk, but they line your gut ... Pepto's okay if you're not bound up inside), and keep Rolaids (Tums are just candy, to me) beside the bed, in your purse, anywhere handy.

This will get rid of the pain. If they don't you're hospital-bound sooner than later.

Your mum's views on western medicine don't have to be your views.

[Cassie415]

djd,
thanks. Last time i lasted 17 days then made the mistake of "trying it again," i barely have any suboxone left i think like a few mg's, I am really trying to make it last because I have to go back to work as a summer camp counselor in a day lol not the easiest job to do while detoxing.

IBKleen,
I was just rereading your post to me and wanted to thank u for writing all that. I felt like I never really responded to what you said, and I wanted to say I have had an addiction therapist that I just haven't taken that seriously. I am going back tomorrow and will take everything he says much more seriously and actually do what he tells me to do.

[djd8080]

oops sorry...didn't see your last post. I think it's a great idea to try to quit using the 5 day sub method because you used it before and wen't how long...like 12 days? I'm on day 10 and I feel so much better....I can finally see how much pills and stuff stole from me...it's shocking. Sure, there's some mental stuff to get through but that's the easy part. Don't feel bad that you slipped up...just hop back into the ring and knock this monster out. It's not about how many times you fall down...it's how many times you get back up. But if you're using to the point where it will kill you, like I did, then the only option is to quit and once again when you get sick like that please go to the hospital, if not for anyone...do it for us on the forum.

[djd8080]

The sub is going to keep withdraws away but at some point you will need to get off the sub too. From reading your posts and thinking about the position you're in, the underlying issues need to be addressed of why you're doing this to yourself. And if you're taking sub...then you're not really quiting. But taking sub is waaaayyyyy better than taking oxycontin. So, I would suggest quiting everything all together and if you feel like you can't, then go to a sub doctor and get a prescription. While on sub, get proactive and develop a plan to address what's hurting you so bad and driving you to hurt yourself. Then quit sub when you're strong enough. If you're near death...go to the ER. And don't feel guilty or weak for how you're feeling. It happens to the best of us to the worst. You're not alone, by no means. Alot of people care about you on here, including me and I will continue to stay away from pills...it can be done. But please don't let this nonsense kill you. You can quit these things and it will only be a few days and you'll be better. Don't let some silly little pills destroy you're life.

[Cassie415]

i meant the worst in my sickness was behind me.Yesterday around 9am was the last time i used oxycontin and will stay the last time. Today i woke up at 4am and was feeling like i was in wd. around 6 or 7am,  i took a little piece of sub, it had been about 24 hrs since i last took oc. i have some from wen i stopped last time. i usually just take it for the first 5 days of detoxing because i dont want to be prescribed it and be on it for long term.

[troubleinohio]

i am totally lost now...or else Im mixign you up with someone else here...weren't you just using OC yesterday still? and now you're taking Sub? How did you get that, and arent you supposed to wait and be in full WD's before you start Sub?  Im not positive on this, but i swear I read that here. Someone with sub knowledge can you help out here? I also hope you arent just saying these thigns because you think thats what everyone wants to hear. You need to get help fast. I am NOT attacking you, I promise. Im just worried for you-- you are so young and new to addiction. you have a lot to learn and I fear you are going to learn the very very hard way. I hope you dont pay with your life, hon.  

[Cassie415]

hi everyone. i am feeling better now, havent been throwing up. im about to eat a jamba juice too. i think the worst is behind me. yesterday and last night were hell but this morning i took some suboxone and im feeling better. I will stay sober now. Thank u everyone.

[whitie]

you might have appendicitis or something else, you need to go to the ER.


no holistic approach will take the place of a needed surgery or proper professional diagnosis

[road2recovery]

PLEASE listen to everyone and go to the ER...don't wait...Post and lets us know how you are doing....God bless
R2R

[dominosarah]

I agree....you need to be seen by a doctor......

[gulliver123]

Mom or no mom, I genuinely believe you need to go to the hospital. Seriously.

[Cassie415]

im redy to get help. i will. im stil so sick, my stomch hurst so much and i wasnt even detoxing yesterday so  i duno why im felin this. i have more oc im gona throw it out. i have work tomorow i gota skip but i dunno wat il do for rest of week. its 5am here and i cannot sleep. i have always used sub and never felt this way and i rlydont want to evr agin.

[worried878]

Cassie...wanna wish u the best...but i as well often LOL COL (cry out loud) when i feel so bad it is almost funny...i dont think u think ur problem is funny..sometimes we get so frustrated with ourselves all we can do is laugh..cos we have already used up all of our tears....do keep me posted.....u will do the right thing...it is no fun anymore for u..so u will move forward

worried

[IBKleen]

It is great that you hit bottom and you will "never" touch another pill. I have come to hate the word "never". For me, when I hit my first bottom I said the same thing. "Never again". Well, I found out that my bottom had a basement. Just when I thought it could not get any worse, it did.

So now you are clean of the drug, but how are you going to stay clean? That is the hard part.

You have shared with us that you have family issues and just today you were on your way to visit a friend in rehab. That just screams "NO" to me.

There are core issues that need to be addressed in order to "stay" clean. You used drugs to take away the pain, and I don't mean physical. The pills covered your emotional pain and gave you an avenue not to deal with life issues.

You don't have the tools to "stay" clean and I will bet the bank that the first time something happens you will forget what you are going through right now and turn back to the drugs. That is what we do. We use to get through life and not deal with it.

Cassie, I very strongly suggest that you get into addiction counseling ASAP. Get to those issues that cause you to continue to use. Find out what makes you want to hide your feelings. There is no shame in seeking professional help and I so hope that you don't view it like that.

You scare me because I know you are ready to return to school, as you have stated, and you will be right back in the mix of things. You will be right back with the people that you used with and the places that you used. How are you going to handle that? I don't think you can without help. You need tools and lady just putting down the drug is not enough.

So many people have sincerely reached out to you here and I can only pray that you are taking this all to heart. These are strangers who have adopted you and genuinely care for you and your future. They have shared their experience, strength and hope with you because they care, first off, and because they have been there or they are right there with you now. Please take this all in and pull from their experience.

I will keep you in my prayers and so hope you get the help you need.

[Cassie415]

my mom is kinda againt western med and prob wnt let me go to er ive brought it up and she just said NO but if it gets much worse then ill def try n go.

[SophieShine]

Maybe this is the rock bottom you needed.................. remember???
Please Cassie, make sure you are safe tho and if you feel really bad, don't hesitate and go to the ER.

[Kevin_Bacon]

You have no option here, unless a long hospitalization (and a nasty detox) or death are on your list ...

Get to a hospital, tell them everything -- maybe they'll put you on Methadone for a few days, as w/d's seriously compromise treatment.

Don't wait around, hoping it will go away. It won't. My closest friend died at 17 years of age. I think about it -- just pops into my mind suddenly -- and, though I'm not much of a cemetery-goer, I still get out there from time to time, and remember our last night together.

If you don't get yourself to ER, it won't be just you who dies  -- you'll be taking a bit of life from those who love you. So do it while you still can.

[Cassie415]

if i mske it thru tonight ill never touch oc again ive never felt like this in my life and i guess its my bpdy lashing out against me from all ive been puttin it thru

[SophieShine]

Hey Cassie, I sent you a pm before I read all this, Please stay with us Sweetie, you can do this, you just need to stay focus and to realize once and for all that it's your life you're playing with. Tell your parents what is going on and please get clean sweetie, you are so worth it, you are such a clever girl, you just need family structure and so much will power, Don't let anyone bring you down with them, you don't need oc to "belong", you don't need to buy it to "help" some friends. Change your mind frame. choose for life.
I still gotta tell you so much by answering your pm and I know you are waiting for it, sorry for that.... I promise you I will do it asap.
All my love and strength. xoxoxo. sophie.

[dominosarah]

That is good.....just take it easy and hopefully your bath will help too......

[Cassie415]

thanks sincewaking up ive been drinkin gatorade adn water and havent thrown up yet

[dominosarah]

Just keep us posted okay??  We are all very concerned about you.    hugs     sara

[Cassie415]

well i havent thrown up in a few hrs which makes her think im getting better...maybe i am? she wants me to take a bath in this weird clay she saus it get toxins out so ill try that first.