ALWAYS an ADDICT or NEVER an ADDICT

[suz410]

Hi everyone.  I was 4 days clean and recently relapsed.  This got me thinking.  I always prided myself on not having an addictive personality but now I think I always had one.  I would say, "Look, I can smoke for 3 months and then just stop for 6 months." I would say how thankful I was that I didn't have that kind of weakness and could stop whatever I was doing in an instant.  Then came opiates.  I started taking them after my 2nd c-section and due to stress of having 3 kids in a matter of 18 mos., they became my escape.  I always thought I was soooo strong...I could do anything I set my mind to but these little pills took a tight hold of me and did not let go.  Maybe I just cant cope w/ the demands of motherhood or maybe I'm just an addict.  I'm not sure which came first but in the end, it's addiction that is winning and I want my life back.  I want to be strong enough to take care of my kids w/out these "mother's little helpers."  I am again weaning myself off since there's not sick time for mommy.  I did this recently w/ little withdrawals.  I hope to do it again but stay off of them this time.  I am so thankful for this support, as this is my only support network. Many of you have inspired me to end this viscious cycle.  Thanks!  

[dominosarah]

You will be surprised to find out how strong you really are......sara

[suz410]

You are all right.  Thank you for all of your support.  I will seek aftercare.  I am not as strong as I once thought I was and that's hard for me to accept.  I feel like these pills took some of my strength away.  I need help and will seek it.  I'll be posting updates.  

[dominosarah]

We cant do this alone and expect good results in the end.  Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part.  Recovery is a process.  Check into some type of aftercare.....You wont be sorry.  Glad to hear you are back on track.  keep it going!!    sara

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee just want to incorage you to try again...this is no eazy thing to do ...but it is doable...I spent 10yrs on the pills and then 6 1/2yrs on methadone if I can kick anyone
can...you just have to want it really bad and then take the steps to get clean and then the aftercare to stay clean...tapering can be challenging in itself but its the way I did it
it takes a lot of will power and perseverance...I also agree getting some time alone with God helps out a lot...you have done this already so you know how...learn from your mistakes and hit some aftercare up this time around ....N/A meeting are good or get a substance abuse conslor just dont try and go it alone you need help with something like this without aftercare I would have failed miserably many times over..with it I got 113 day clean today...good luck with your next time around
make it your last...may you find sobriety....God bless ....Gnarly

[parks1976]

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I wont lie to u, its a hard process to go thru. I just did it. I was taking about 10 to 12, 7.5mg hydro's a day. I finaly said to myself this is not the life I want to live.These pills have made me into a person I never wanted to be. I got alone with GOD and ask for strenghth,for the process I was going to go thru. I started my first day with 9,second day 8 not so much problems with this because I just took them at ey points throughout the day. So I went on like this until I was down to 4 a day I slipped up the next day and took 4 more when I was only suppose to take three. I got back on track and when I got down to 2 the next day was half in the morn half in the afternoon and half before bed for four days straight. Let me tell you when you get down to the half part of this process it hurts all the through. Hedaches, diahrrea, no energy, cold chills but day five its all good. I feel like a new person today, someone I havent been for about 2 years. There were times that I would grab the bottle and say its not worth it I'm gonna just take 2 or 3 and get my body to stop hurting that is your true test not the pain we can all endure the pain. Its the temptation of knowing you can take some and make it go away. Thats when the getting alone with GOD part pays off!! I hope this helps, and I will say a prayer to get you started.

[foundmyway]

Hi Suz, I'm new here and in the midst of getting a grip on these tablets too. I can only offer you the reason why I got to today being day 5. I decided it was now or never! I wanted to die, but I can't leave my kids who I fret will not become successful happy individuals under the care of others.
You need to assess where your at and if this day is the one to take charge. Each day spurs you on to the next. If you went 4 days you can do it, I'm positive. Day 2-4 were the hardest by far. I know how hard it is with kids and not having any down time, it's not fair. When my hubby went into the detox unti for alcohol withdrawal for the second time he was able to rest for aweek without any interuptions of any kind and just work on getting better. He is now 2 years clean!
For us, every day is exactly the same! Smiling at the teachers at school and the other mums, while your legs are aching and your stomach is swimming. The only way I got through day 2 was by keeping very busy. I did so many things to keep my mind off the physical symptoms.
I wish you every success and I sincerely hope you give it another red hot go, you deserve to feel alive again. P.S. you ARE strong, your a mum, the hardest yet most rewarding job in the world. x

[co872]

I am in the same boat, always steered clear, always did what was right and everyone was so proud of me. I accomplished so much, but there was still a hole in my heart, I thought then pain meds made it better but they instead came and took most everything worth living for away and left me feeling the most incredible guilt. I am battling the thought of did I make all the wrong decisions in my life or is this Gods way of making me strong for the things to come. I think of the people with cancer, kids that are dying, people in haiti, us users think we have it so bad with W/D's then I feel so bad when I imagine what the people trapped in buildings went through, imagine the hell of dying that way atleast out withdrawls dont kill us. It makes me feel so guilty and ashamed of myself. I hope you feel better and get off pills as I am trying to do also, That goes for everyone suffering I feel your pain.

[HoldenCaulflower]

Addictive personality or not opiates get their claws into you. I do know some people that tried them and didn't like them, but some of us weren't so lucky. They numb you to reality, but at the same time give you enough energy that you feel you could conquer the world. It's a false since I believe though because once that feeling wears off you're feeling worse than before. Soon it turns into a vicious cycle and before you know it you're an addict. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to really want it. And like I said before, if you relapse, don't let it get you down. Turn that negative energy into positive energy and soon you'll be so proud of yourself that the last thing on your mind will be your last relapse.